am i being mugged off?????

[jude3184]

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

Oops, missed a page... have a lovely vermin-clearing session today!

Oh gosh..."you've only just had sky installed and now I'm leaving, I'm gonna miss that. Gutted!"

Rotfl has he said he will miss you?

at the unfairness of having to pay his own way and not having Sky that someone else is paying for.

However tempting it is to tell him he will get used to missing things he isn't willing to pay for, it might be best to remain silent .
Don't risk interfering with the exit momentum.

* *
\ /

He's going to miss out on Sky? Did he actually say that? Fucking hell.

I am aghast.

Every time he says something, it just adds to the evidence that he was only in the relationship for the material benefits.

Another piece of reassurance that you are doing the right thing.

How is it going, Jude?

Remember

His daughter has a mother
His dog has The Dogs Trust
And he is not your problem.

If he threatens to harm himself seriously, call the police and tell them exactly what he says.

He is taking advantage. Get out and leave now. If you have a habit of getting together with the same kind of (wrong) man, then you may benefit from being single for a while and getting some counselling. This might help guide you in where you are going wrong when choosing men.

Has he gone yet Jude?

He's gone "/ left about 5 minutes ago. I have been so strong but seeing him packed up with all he could fit in the car and the dog on the front seat just broke me. I can't stop crying. I'm going to find this harder that I thought. I think I may have overestimated my strength

You'll get over it - honest. You survived before and you will survive after.

Change is always difficult. Even if its change for the better. I think a bit of a breakdown is to be expected after all the tension,

Very natural that you are upset watching him drive off. It will pass. Would you rather have him, enjoying your Sky and supporting himself by sponging off his parents, sitting on your sofa?

Jude, its perfect natural to feel upset and have a cry, its grief at losing something you thought you had. Just remember, you have your house back, and you can have some girlie time with your gorgeous girls.

Trust me, you'll be fine.

You're bound to have a wobble jude, but just thinking about your lovely new hair free sofa might cheer you up a bit.

Your DD's sound great, and they are so lucky to have you. Well done!!

Of course it's hard, honey. You loved that man and had hopes of a good future with him. It's bound to hurt when it turns out he was just a cocklodger (cockless lodger?) in an attractive disguise. You had some good times which you are going to miss, that's only natural. Have a good cry for all of that.

And then dry your tears and have a lovely Sunday evening with your girls and as much Vimto as they can drink. (Still a bit about giving it to a 2-year-old though... maybe I'm wrong.)

Jude, have a bit of a cry love and a later on we can get on the

It's a perfectly normal reaction to get upset, as Katisha says you're releasing some of the tension.

To be honest I have been absolutely shocked and fuming at some of the things he's said to you and how he's been treating your home.
I don't think you're mourning the death of this relationship, I think you're mourning the loss of what you feel it could, or should, have been.
Remember those are two very different things.
Far better for you, your girls and your bank balance that you get out now than be on MN in a year or two mourning the loss of all the time you've wasted on top of all the being taken for a mug too.

jude you have done brilliantly and you know it is the right thing.

When I left XH1 I was 100% sure I was doing the right thing and I had planned it for weeks before. I still cried so hard on my way to my new life that I had to pull over in my car as I couldn't see well enough to continue driving. I think it was actually partly tears of relief and the burden being lifted.

Does that make sense?

Annie

Yeah I was also a bit 'Vimto to a 2 year old, really?' Amongst other things its absolutely full of sugar.

Don't panic , it's probably a lot to do with the stress being relieved as well, big long build up , adrenalin ready to fight off any of his protests since wednesday and finally he's gone without too much of a fight. It's a big come down , have a good cry , a kilo of dairy milk ( nothing Mr. Cadbury can,t cure ) , re-read this thread and remind yourself of just how unpleasant living with this man has been . Be gentle with yourself and accept as pp stated there will be a process of grieving for the relationship you wish it had been. Then have a good look at all the great things about him having finally gone , time with your girls , break to butlins , hair free house , starfishing the bed , money that,s your own , no custody battles over the vimto or the sky remote.
Well done lovely , just let the emotion happen you'll probably feel better when you've let it all out and remember we still have pom poms and are absolutely cheering you on xx

Well done jude a cry is probably just what you need after standing your ground so much this week.

The saying "I'll miss you like a whole in the head" was thought of for a reason, we all miss what we're used to, even if what we're used ain't that great.

I'm relieved he's left without a big scene.

It's natural that you're upset, please be easy on yourself. This too shall pass. Xx

Absolutely what everyone above has said.

Remember though, his parting words to you were that he would miss not you but your Sky TV, which he enjoyed without contributing.

He has shown you what his priorities are;you did absolutely right not to make him one of yours.

Tears of relief and a moment's regret for what could have been but it's not weakness, let it out and get past it.

As for his remark about Sky, well! He was only kicking himself for missing out on that? Numpty.