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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

am i being mugged off?????

656 replies

jude3184 · 17/09/2014 16:52

ok so im gonna start right at the beginning.....i was in a relationship for 7 years with a man who made me feel like crap. He said he liked me the way I was (absolutely massive) he had me totally emotionally dependent on him then he upped and left me and my two girls.

I soon wised up and dropped 4 stone and met someone who I thought was amazing...until 6 months down the line he smashed my house into pieces then started on me...so thats the end of that story too. I finished it instantly and spent the next 3 years focused on me myself and my beautiful daughters.

This is where im either going to sound like a completely ungrateful little brat or im gonna get told that im right to be concerned....

I have met a wonderful man and he has a 2 year old daughter. We have been together little over a year now. he has recently moved from wales to be with me and as it stood when he moved up, he saw his daughter every other weekend when she stayed with us plus he saw her every other day after work at his mothers for 3 hours. last week I had a phone call to TELL me that she would now be staying every other night at our over night PLUS the weekends that she usually stays. This wouldnt be a problem but since im in a tiny two bed flat and i already have my daughters who live with me, his daughter is now in with us every other night all night and she still doesnt sleep through the night and to top that off his dog who he insists is more like his daughter than his pet insists on sleeping int he bedroom also. I feel ive been kind of lulled into a false sense of what will happen only for him to slowly move his daughter in too!! He pays me £50 a week because he says he cant afford any more.....not only that, recently he had a week off work through being ill that he got behind on his child maintainance payments and tried to insist I look out a loan because his credit wasnt good enough so that he could pay it to his ex for his daughter and so that he could buy his daughter birthday presents. I point blank refused and he got very annoyed but I said it wasnt happening so he dropped it.

Now I feel I have lost respect for him a little. Is it too much to ask for a man that looks after ME for a change instead of me footing the bill for everything?? Perfect example of this : we went to drayton manor recently, I PAID FOR THE TICKETS.....he gave me a small amount of fuel money that would have covered getting half way there and I had to sort the rest...we then got in to the park and I said I fancied an icecream, he said he couldnt afford one so i felt bad, paid for one for him AND his dinner...he then stopped at the shop before we went home so that he could buy his daughter a souvenir. to say i was raging is an understatement...

ANNNNNNNYWAYYYYYYYY.....I called him on his lunch today and told him that he needs to come home so that we can discuss everything. Do I need to man up and stop being a mug?? Or an I over reacting a little, because we are great together and he makes me laugh most days lol xxx

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/09/2014 11:24

That was quick thinking, Jude.

pinkfrocks · 20/09/2014 11:28

He's milking this for all its worth isn't he?
Even my kids are capable of getting a man with a van to move their stuff- which works out cheaper than numerous round trips of 80 miles! Doesn't he see the sense in that?

Can't his parents come and take a car load?

jude3184 · 20/09/2014 11:32

His parents want no part in it all, they even gave him the money to rent somewhere so he didn't have to go home lol x

OP posts:
oldgrandmama · 20/09/2014 11:35

You're almost there, Jude. Be prepared for last minute 'poor me'/guilt loading (on you)/tears/hysterics/homeless little daughter/homeless dog/homeless fish/no money/'promise I'll change'/one more chance/'I love you'...

No no NO! Stand firm. It's almost over and believe me, the relief will be amazing once you've got your home back, and your darling daughters will thank you.

PumpkinsMummy · 20/09/2014 12:13

.

You are doing so well, I agree that this is a brilliant example to set your girls. Everyone comes across some wankbadgers in their time, and you are showing them how to deal with it perfectly.

sproutsmum · 20/09/2014 12:32

Just a quick one cos i'm steam cleaning everything in sight , but
GOOOOO JUDE!!!!

Keep going , you are doing a great job xx

jude3184 · 20/09/2014 12:55

Ok the best quote has to be today's....."mums only giving me £600 and I need £700, to make the £100 to make it up i'll have to sell some of my stuff!" he points at certain items oh right I say, thought you'd never part with these...his reply?? "WELL IF IM GONNA BE LIVING ON MY OWN I HAVE TO MAKE SACRIFICES...I HAVE TO PAY MY WAY IN LIFE!"

How I did not pass out from that statement I do not know Shock cheeky cunt x

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 20/09/2014 13:00

You mean you didn't rummage in your purse and hand over £100 in crisp twenties on the spot? Oh, you mean woman.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 20/09/2014 13:05

In your heart, you might be feeling sad for the failure of "what might have been". Mourn that and resolve the grief.
But you know, you really know, that your brain is right and has the full measure of him. It doesn't sound like you ever would, but never be apologetic about using your brain.

((hugs)) for you
(((hugs))) for your DDs

One of my favorite quotes: "Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead"

tipsytrifle · 20/09/2014 13:05

*explodes coffee all over puter screen ...

oh goddess, that is BRILLIANT about the sacrifices he must make! Did you offer him a glass of Vimto to ease the pain?

I also can't believe that he hasn't hired a van ... it would have paid for itself by trip 2....

hold firm now, jude ....

SweetErmengarde · 20/09/2014 13:05

Hah - he's just as good as admitted that he doesn't feel the need to "pay his way" if he has a meal ticket partner!

Not the brightest, is he?

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 20/09/2014 13:07

X-post on the quotes.
He sounds like the characters in Stepbrothers (Will Ferrell)

funnyface31 · 20/09/2014 13:40

That last comment would do it for me.

Get shut tonight and enjoy your ??with your dd's.

angryangryyoungwoman · 20/09/2014 13:41

Lol at the stepbrothers comparison! I was thinking that too! Tell him that he'll have so much space for activities when he moves out!
Seriously, go jude, you're doing well

FantasticButtocks · 20/09/2014 14:36

I HAVE TO PAY MY WAY IN LIFE

Yup.

S'what you've been trying to tell him...

Inertia · 20/09/2014 14:39

Oh dear god- he has to pay his way now, because the bountiful well of virtually free housing and food has dried up.

So glad that you have seen the light and taken steps so quickly.

Zucker · 20/09/2014 14:42

Bless his cotton socks, he has to pay his way in life.

Ha hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Grin

He's a right tool isn't he....onwards and upwards to you and your family jude Flowers

RandomMess · 20/09/2014 15:01

Shock that he can't see the irony in that statement!!!!

MexicanSpringtime · 20/09/2014 15:30

Reminds me of my dd's father who married in his late forties and explained to me how hard life is for him as he has to pay rent, gas, electricity, etc. Finally someone who made him pay his way!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 20/09/2014 15:45

I imagine his bottom lip was wobbling a bit. Oh dearie me.

Onwards and upwards jude.

BonjourMinou · 20/09/2014 17:06

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha rofl at having to pay his own way in life... NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!

You're such an inspiration, for your daughters and the many mumsnet lurkers who are facing exactly the same situation. You go girl! xxx Flowers

Jennco · 20/09/2014 17:17

Absolutely well done for seeing the light and kicking him out :( You should copy one of the very clever VIMTO msgs and add it to your fridge, so you can remember how crap he was and how great you are.

Stop for a second and imagine what your Christmas would have been like with him (I'm guessing you would have paid everything and he would have dictated how it would be!) then think again what it will be like just you and your girls - I bet its going to be a hundred times better!

My little Vimto acronym (not great)
Very
Important
Mummy
To my
Outstanding girls

Chin up and keep going, nearly there!

Jux · 20/09/2014 18:25

So he could actually do a few journeys to his bro's and back, sleep there and come back for the last of tomorrow? But he isn't doing that? How tempting to pack all his night stuff and ensure they're included in one of today's loads.

How's it going? Hope dd has recovered from her horrible ordeal. Vis a vis preserving that recording. Just plug your phone in to your computer, it'll either upload automatically or ask you if you want to do something or what folder you want to save it into (do you upload photos? It'll do that pretty much). Then all you need to do is get a couple of memory sticks and copy it onto them and put them somewhere safe. Your friend will have a copy, and you will have a few copies. So don't worry about the cloud too much for now. You can get it up there in a few days or a week, when you have leisure to conquer the tech Grin

jude3184 · 20/09/2014 18:34

I don't really know what to do with it. I wanna make him listen to is to realise what a cunt he's been but he doesn't seen anyone's point apart from his own. He's a disgusting liar and doesn't deserve my daughter anyway!!

As for my current issue...he's stopped at his brothers, finishing the rest tomorrow x

OP posts:
enriquetheringbearinglizard · 20/09/2014 18:40

One step at a time Jude, enjoy your evening Wine

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