I have been seeing a man I met 8 months ago via OD. We met, there was a spark but even early on I felt like I was one of those ballerinas you find in children’s jewellery boxes. He was turning the key and I would dance. Everything about this man seemed smooth, charming and well practiced from the words he said to the way he looked at me. I dismissed my intuition, but now I feel broken and sad. I have tried to end this situation three times but each time he reappears, always charming but never willing to talk honestly about what is happening. Yesterday, I tried again.
I will try and keep it short, but I don’t want to dripfeed. From the off, he has blown hot and cold. Three dates in and I receive a text “fancy sex next week” my response to this was curt but “yep, why not sex is fine” because well it is, in fact it was very good. I took the view that I would enjoy it for what is was and expect nothing. I continued to date other people and I wasn’t unhappy with this. However he has constantly pushed the boundaries with confusing messages, asking if I love him, why can’t we have children, our kids would be fab, he wants us to stay together forever, why don’t I make more time for him...this is just some of the things he has said. I have always hung back because I think subconsciously I have known that this man is dangerous.
He lures me in and as soon as I start to meet him on his own terms and tell him I love him he then backs away and we have silence for days. The sex has also suffered, as I have lost trust and he thinks he has me where he wants me, he has become selfish. In the early days it was very good and he was generous, giving and concerned about me but now it is emotionless, cold and all about him. He refers to sex and intimacy as though we are an assemblage of body parts, disconnected from real people.
He has wanted me to change the way I dress and look “tarty” change my hair and have it cut, and demanded that I make all sorts of compromises about how I spend my time. His previous relationships seem to have been dysfunctional and his family is very rough. He has a giant chip on his shoulder about “snobs” and feels that people don’t value him, his ex wife shit on him, his family are abusive and people around him don’t like him. He is always ill, there are always some sort of crisis happening out of his control and he is obsessed with his looks, age, diet and the way women fancy him. To start with I felt sorry for him and I guess maybe I thought he could be fixed. He makes jibes at me for speaking well, he tells me my life is fine, “what have you got to be stressed about” and generally seems like he dislikes what I seem to represent. I do have a nice life, I am busy and I do have good friends and lots of things going on. However I would probably have given this all away to be with this man.
Yesterday, I questioned him on something and basically said I thought he was a liar. He has ignored this and just continues as though all is well. I have tried to finish this three times, but he just ignores what I have said and never responds to it in anyway that shows he has understood what was said. I keep thinking it's me that is odd and dysfunctional, misunderstanding the signs or acting irrationally. I feel drugged, sad, dejected, objectified and only half the person I was 8 months ago 
I seem to want to always make concessions, try to understand him, try to please him and I feel too weak to walk away and really mean it.
I think he is broken too, a narcissist maybe? Can he help this? Change? Or how can I escape this, I actually feel shell shocked. Does anyone know what is happening here? Is this man knowingly trying to hurt me?