feelings on porn

[lollypop77]

Just wanted other peoples opinions on if they are ok with there partners/husbands watching porn regular ..do you get worried or wonder why they have the need to ??

OK, I'm going to run with this to help you placid and also for my own amusement.

Blowjob scence- condom on male, latex gloves, mouth guard and protective googles on female for when he whips off the condom for the money shot in her face.

Hand job- condom on male, latex gloveglove and googles on female.

Some practical ways in which to make it safer.

I value honesty in our relationship.

If he is honest about looking/watching porn then I'm fine. If he hid it I'd be very upset.

Wow for people who claim never to look at it you sure do know a lot more of the details than me.!!

So DaugherDilemma you are now advocating a "ban"? What exactly would you ban and how would you enforce it?

At least the latex fetishes will get a kick hey sass

DD
He has taken lessons in foot massage which has its benefits. No my toes don't seem to do it for him but his moobs don't do it for me either. We have found ways around this that make us both happy and we've been married for 17 years.

Are you comfortable with one of a couple sharing a video of consensual sex without the other giving permission, placid? Because that's not rape either.

No.

I never said I don't look at it. I click on links all the time whilst reading mn, articles etc.

I can categorically state however that I don't have one hand in my underwear whilst doing so.

fairenuff

I know I keep using the slave analogy but that's because I think it's the closest to what porn/sex industry is to women, so I make no apologises for that.

So. placid It is IMO my right to have a slave. If you don't agree with having a slave, it is your right to abstain from having a slave. I am quite happy for there to be rules and regulations about how my slave should be treated and I also agree that anyone who treats their slave horribly should be punished accordingly. I also agree that that slave should be above a certain age and that they should consent to being my slave.

Great. No harm done, everyone a winner.

Wider society- let's say only black people are slaves and not all black people choose to be. How are the black people who are not slaves perceived by society? Second class citizens maybe?

Thanks for answering, placid.

What were your thoughts on my previous question?

I don't get all the references to latex gloves. But you seem to have a strong aversion to perfectly natural bodily fluids. None of us would be around without it!

Sass
I wouldn't live in any country where slavery was a right. I wouldn't live in any country that tried to "ban" much of what we're talking about here (Saudi etc)

Wow for people who claim never to look at it you sure do know a lot more of the details than me.!!

This goes some way towards explaining your apparent blissful ignorance of the abuse that goes on in porn. If all you have seen is some toes wriggling about it might be difficult to understand what some of us are talking about. No wonder you defend it, you don't know what you are defending other than your 'right' to watch what you want.

The thing with slavery is that there is (or was, in the days when it was formally enshrined in law) the statement that a slave is a possession. It's a formal change in status. That legal standing is pretty significant really.

its a red herring though really imo.

Saying that the difficulty of eradicating is not an excuse not to try is getting annoying though because I don't think anyone has said 'don't try to curb the excesses'. All the way along I've said that if someone feels called to act against the excesses, then great. I'd rather see effort expended in a way that makes success more likely than not though, and a blanket ban is not the most effective way to clean it up ... in my ever so experienced opinon.

Placidjoy if it's so complicated and litiginous and risky why not just ban it, be done and enjoy watching someone you actually know having sex in real life for free? That view seems so impractical. Just ban it? Just like that? and for an encore, ban the use of all guns except by the serving military and distribute all the excess food in the world to those who need it and eradicate corruption in all governments ... now that would be an achievement that'd benefit everyone.

The reference to latex gloves is because it is the law in California to do with the sex industry placid You know, the one that you and your DH so meticulously looked up to prove that there is no abuse.

ABDC
If they weren't enjoying it of course I wouldn't enjoy it. They appeared to be. But no doubt you will say they might have been pretending and that's coercion. But equally in the last Hollywood mainstream movie you saw a female actor could have had to kiss a male or female actor that they didn't fancy. They could of course refuse to do that scene and that's their choice. A lot of same sex kisses done in recent soaps were performed by straight actors. No crimes were committed.

Don't hurt yourself Sass.

So you've just proved that enforcement is difficult and yet you are advocating more restrictions? What exactly are you and DD advocating?

I think the problem Meerka is that everyone who wants to watch porn is waiting for someone else to ban it/make it safe before they take any steps themselves.

So it's a bit like owning a slave and knowing that it's wrong to treat another human this way, but, it does make life easier/more pleasurable and every one else has got one so I'll continue to own the slave until someone else makes it illegal. And I will continue to try and justify my right to own a slave even though I know it's wrong.

Why can't that one individual just say, you know what, I'm contributing to something that is harming other individuals and helping to perpetuate the problem so I am going to do what is easily within my control, right here, right now. I am going to free my slave. Why is it so hard just to do your bit?

The answer is, it's not hard. They just don't want to.

But they wouldn't want their own son or daughter to become a slave or indeed be one themselves. Luckily they had different opportunities in their life.

In fact for anyone joining this debate late, what SPECIFICALLY IS THE ANTI GROUP SUGGESTING OTHER THAN ABSTINENCE?

Please an answer from at least one of you.

I'm actually not going so far as to say it's coercion in your particular example (though it might have been).

What I'm curious about is whether, if you knew they weren't aroused but were acting, would you still find it arousing?

Actors who perform same sex kisses in soaps are not doing so in order to provide others with a quick orgasm and those watching know that said actors aren't aroused.

placid are you a teacher by any chance?

You sure ain't no Jeremy Paxman

An out and out ban without being silly and locking people up for having photos of toes. Your hubby will be safe, don't worry.

It would start with the ISPs probably.

It just isn't necessary.

meerka So you're arguing that it's annoying that I say 'the difficulty in eradicating is an excuse' because you have expressed an interest in curbing the excesses?!

Ermm.

I presumably you mean it is a change in status because one is free and the other isn't?

I said it was the closest thing in my opinion to that of women in the porn industry/ sex industry. Yes you can argue that one is free and one is not but IMO that is the one difference against a sea of similarities.

continuing with the analogy, if you had 100 black people in a room and 10 choose to be slaves and 90 did not- what reasons would you give for the ones who choose either way?

I'm betting they will be exactly the same reasons if you have 100 women in a room and 10 choose sex industry and 90 do not.

My thoughts would be for the 10, unemployment, poverty, lack of education, low self worth/self esteem etc.

My thoughts for the 90, job prospects, high level of education, high self worth/self esteem.

This is why it is the same IMO.

I truly don't think it's the same because legal status carries a very great weight.

Yes, I do find it annoying that you think pointing out the difficulty and impracticality is an excuse for inactoin because I don't think it is. If I was going to take action, I think it's better to look at what has a reasonable chance of being achieved and work towards that.

Now in actual fact I'm not going to take any positive action, only the relatively passive one of trying to make sure that whatever my husband watches has a good chance of being ethically originated. So you can quite accurately accuse me of apathy in that. And in fact, if I had any spare energy over at the moment I'd be directing it in a different direction; in my particular case, helping where possible alleviate some of the dire poverty in my neck of the woods.

I simply feel that this issue generates far more passion than other issues that also cause great suffering to perhaps equal numbers of people. (I dont know the numbers actually, so that's a pie in the sky guess). The sheer excess and I'm afraid silliness of the extreme positions about this issue is quite offputting.

Anyway while the debate's been interesting and sometimes thoughtprovoking, it's probably time to focus on something else now :)

I'm not going to take any positive action, only the relatively passive one of trying to make sure that whatever my husband watches has a good chance of being ethically originated

Well, that is a positive action Meerka, it's the beginning of change and doing what is in your power to do, rather than doing nothing

I think it's great that this debate has made you and your husband seek out more ethical porn. (Not patronising at all)

I agree there are other worthwhile causes out there. But personally for me inequality towards women is my number one focus/agenda for myself personally and also for my 3 dds. I make no apology for that. I'm sure you could say the same to someone who is passionate about homelessness, is, what about animal welfare etc. It's not a valid argument to me for that reason.

My analogy to do with slaves and women is because both were/are oppressed and for that reason I see the connection.

I too have enjoyed the debate.