feelings on porn

[lollypop77]

Just wanted other peoples opinions on if they are ok with there partners/husbands watching porn regular ..do you get worried or wonder why they have the need to ??

I'm very curious about people challenging the "right" to watch porn. What about the "right" to read erotic literature? How would you feel if your DH told you that your reading material was a "deal breaker"?

HanselandGretel
keep banging. It's making a HUGE difference.

I don't watch it. I used to. I didn't really know about the ethics. Stopped as I found out more. Realised that I was watching a lot of fucked up stuff and letting a lot of fucked up stuff happen to me because lots of people I've slept with have watched a hell of a lot of porn (I'm mid twenties). I have a much better sex life now and am less anxious about sex.

I'm single and will hopefully continue to be for some good time but if I change my mind about that generally I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone who watched porn. I would explain why and then they could do their own research and make a decision.

I have and would be happy to be filmed having sex. Just on my own phone. Bit grainy but under my control. I can delete it when it gets dull. I have no moral objection to filming someone have sex. Or watching it back. Or showing a third party. And that is what some porn is. But seeing I've no reliable way to know these things, I'd rather leave it entirely. I don't need it.

I don't eat animal products or buy clothes produced in sweat shops so hopefully my ethics aren't totally hypocritical.
I found it strange that someone based their views on "I know this is wrong. But I do it. But it's okay because I know other things are wrong and I do those too. Enough people seem to know all these things are wrong but do them... so they're actually fine?...". Nah.

Very poor, as usual.

How would you feel if your DH told you that your reading material was a "deal breaker"?

If Dh failed to be able to distinguish between, say, Oompa Loompas, and child factory workers in Bangladesh, then yes it would probably be a deal breaker.

my own opinion is that some women can't stand the thought of their partner watching porn because he's being turned on by another woman, even if she's just some fantasy figure on a screen and that's why they come on here looking for help. Some women are anti-porn, with good reason to be,

So while YOU think there is good reason to be anti-porn, you think the reason many women are anti-porn is because they are jealous of people in porn?
How...interesting.

How would you feel if your DH told you that your reading material was a "deal breaker"?

Disclaimer: I don't read erotic literature. The only erotic literature I read are books on entirely different themes with happen to have sex scenes in them. A bit like, say, True Blood is a television series - it isn't porn. But there is still sex in it.

Response: If it was a deal breaker for him, then I would want to know his reasons behind his feelings on it. But if he had grounds for his stance on it, then I would respect them. For me, my "right" to read erotic books pales into insignificance when compared to how much I love my partner and want them to be happy. It's not like I lose anything through accommodating that wish of his. If it was that important to me, then I would leave the relationship. What I wouldn't do, is promise not to read any then do it behind his back, because that's disrespectful.

Just to add, homosexual porn is problematic, but in different ways to heterosexual pornography. Lesbian porn is actually watched by way more heterosexual men than it is by lesbian women, and it re-enforces this bizarre idea that many men have that lesbians should "perform" for their sexual pleasure, that it's appropriate to ask if you can "join in" with them, and that - despite the fact that they are gay women - that they still exist for a male's pleasure. Seriously, if you know any gay women, ask them about this. I've lost count of how many times I've heard gay, married female friends complain about how men behave with them. Including, but not limited to:

• Insisting that they make out in front of them
• Asking if they can come around and "watch"
• Telling them that they could "cure" them with their "fat cock" (which is probably more like 1 inch in reality)
• Following them home

On the male front, I will admit that I don't know much about male gay porn. I do know that many of the men in the industry aren't actually gay though - the fact is that it pays very well. I saw an interview with a male porn star who was clearly extremely uncomfortable in discussing the sorts of things he did in gay porn as a straight man. Not due to homophobia, but due to the pain and distress whilst filming. He said he didn't have much of an option, as the pay was necessary.

just a small point, actually some of the people who post on here upset that they have found their husband using porn have felt that their husband was as good as cheating and have felt jealous. One individual woman might not feel like that, but it's clear that some people do.

It's all very well to say the standard of argument is poor but what would you call a good standard?

There is lesbian porn made by women for women that is quite different to the 'pretend' lesbian porn made by the mainstream for men.

justtherightbullets

For obvious reasons, I don't think framing violence, rape or abuse as erotic or arousing is healthy for the reader, .... it contributes to widely held beliefs about women 'liking it really', for a start

agreed with this. That's its big danger to me, even written. Trouble is that the visual portrayal is much more powerful and therefore much more influential (plus you have people actually acting it out ... or not so much acting :s)

Well, as usual those taking the pro-porn industry line are coming up with:

"you guys are sex-hating puritans(?), Hubby and I both love it, you is just jealous coz he fancies other women and what about 50 shades of grey"?

C'mon, you could hardly call that a high level of debate.

No, agreed it's not. I think the biggest problem actually is that it's the same arguments over and over and over.

I did actually mean the question though, what would you call a good standard of argument on this topic?

crosspost .... agreed calling people who are not pro-porn 'sex hating' is just silly. That kind of discredits the person saying it.

I noticed some people deflecting or just plain ignoring some points made, yeah, like the ethical points.

just a small point, actually some of the people who post on here upset that they have found their husband using porn have felt that their husband was as good as cheating and have felt jealous. One individual woman might not feel like that, but it's clear that some people do.

I agree. There are many different reasons people are uncomfortable about porn-use.

However, some pro-porn posters like to pretend that this is the only reason women dislike it. Then they can come up with a countering statement like: "as long as you have a healthy sex life that's all that matters" etc. which doesn't begin to address the whole load of issues people may have.

I think probably you'll shoot me now, but while that statement is true bullets, I personally just do not quite feel as intensely as that about it... as long as people try to source ethical porn. Except for the part about the problematic content eg coercion. Personally I can accept that some people really see rape porn as just roleplay, but because it has slid out into the mainstream I personally think it's just too dangerous in its influence.

Disclaimer: I think rape porn or erotic literature is horrible btw. but I can accept that some people see it as just a fantasy. Just hope they keep it absolutely private.

:D

To answer the OP my answer is "where is the 'good' in porn?"

What good does it do? I only see it ruin people's lives and marriages. I don't see it improve anything.

wow, it is quite disturbing. People wearing that kind of makeup is unnerving for a start, and the lyrics are strange .... reminds me of the poem of the Erl King, do you know it?

ahem. back on topic, sorry!