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feelings on porn

588 replies

lollypop77 · 10/09/2014 18:25

Just wanted other peoples opinions on if they are ok with there partners/husbands watching porn regular ..do you get worried or wonder why they have the need to ?? Hmm

OP posts:
sassandfaff · 11/09/2014 19:59

meerka ..........not comfortable, is too non specific for me to judge make summarizations about you. Wink

Meerka · 11/09/2014 20:05

oh dear Im sorry .... well no not really ;)

I'm just not comfortable! I don't like exposing me bits to others, it was bad enough giving birth!

is that specific enough, yer honour?

JustTheRightBullets · 11/09/2014 20:22

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sassandfaff · 11/09/2014 20:23

There is a huge range if stuff, but if you know that the majority of females who go into the sex industry come from backgrounds of poverty, care, sexual assault and presumably low self worth and low self esteem, then it doesn't really matter how much range there is to me.

There was a thread on here in the last year from a women whose dh of 18 years had uploaded one of their private sex videos to a porn site without her knowledge. Anyone watching that on pornh*b or the like might quite wrongly see a couple having consensual sex with her husband and enjoying it and presume she consented to it being shown but that may not necessarily be the case. She was mortified and betrayed.

It's not all to do with porn stars, although reading how roughly 66% have herpes (non curable) or how the industry hires a doctor specifically to sew up anal tears, or how the average life expectancy is lower than a homeless person.

You can also look up information to do with addiction- how too much makes you desensitized and what use to turn you on now doesn't, so you need more and more hardcore stuff. Or how it actually has an effect on pathways in your brain, can lead to impotence of real sex, and also how it can start as porn watching, move onto cam girls and then prostitutes.

Obviously not everyone, just as alcoholic doesn't lead everyone to become an alcoholic.

My point is, many people just have the view that it's harmless victimless and righteous and anyone opposed to it is just out to spoil others fun. Or they must hate sex.

Not true.

JustTheRightBullets · 11/09/2014 20:29

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ChildrenOfTheDamned · 11/09/2014 20:30

I am not ok with porn, nor am I ok with my DH using it. He has used it several times in the past, quite a long time ago now. We reached a point were I told him I wasn't ok with it, both because I regard it as cheating and because of the way women are used and abused in the porn industry. He is free to use porn whenever he wishes, just as I am free to leave the relationship the minute he does. As far as I know he hasn't used it for years. I think it's a massive dealbreaker in relationships and causes untold problems that usually run deep and are very hard to overcome.

HarmonicF · 11/09/2014 20:30

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Vivacia · 11/09/2014 20:33

But I really don't think online pornography is going to disappear. Far better to try to improve the industry. As well as sex education.

I think just improve education, for children and adults, about the realities of the sex education.

Pepper There's a scene in Hardcore, a freeze frame, which has always stayed with me.

sassandfaff · 11/09/2014 20:39

Meerka cross post.

I don't like showing my bits either, had a procedure recently (august) where I was exposed in theatre for 30/40 mins ish and it was not pleasant!

But I wouldn't not do it for that reason. I think self esteem, self worth and the shame and also family and friends knowing would be my reason.

sassandfaff · 11/09/2014 20:44

Sorry, reading back it appears I may have been drinking or didn't study English at school..... Grin

Neither is true. Dh is getting his knickers in a twist about nursery fees and the eldest dd is bleating on about no hot water and neither is leaving me in peace to formulate a coherent argument! Which i cant always do at the best if times. Grrr

HarmonicF · 11/09/2014 20:45

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sassandfaff · 11/09/2014 20:47

Harmonic, if you've watched hardcore you'll know that they don't like or respect boundaries. In fact they do their up most to trample all over them.

Meerka · 11/09/2014 20:49

well, I think the real problem is that it's like prostitution only even more pervasive. It's here, it's here to stay and getting worse. That's the independent reality.

For people who say that men can control themselves and don't have to use it - well, but the thing is a helluva lot of men don't. It's like fundamentalist christians saying that you can keep yourself virgins until marriage. It might in their view be the better way, but it's often not happening. Better to adjust to the situation as it is, rather than as it should be.

So I'd be happy to see guidelines brought in to govern it and penalties for not adhering to those guidelines. The problem at that point is not the companies / individuals who keep to those guidelines, it's the companies and individuals who don't. Probably the vast majority sadly :s

There won't be any one single solution to this problem but a lot of the 'nicer' men or women who do care about the people producing it would be able to search out the more ethical stuff.

How you curtail the viewing for people who don't care, or the extreme and rotten stuff, I really don't know. Given how many resources have to be sunk into minimizing the amount of child pornography, a relatively tiny area of porn, it's hard to see how you could effectively prevent the making of exploitative adult porn.

Maybe the best way forward generally is to tackle the ISPs etc. Plus talking to teens about the nature of the sex shown and outlining the exploitative nature of it. That's something people can actually do about it at a personal level.

.... I may be overthinking this a lot in completely the wrong place ... Blush

Vivacia · 11/09/2014 20:50

But you can't stop inexperienced young men taping into porn and forming mis-snapped views of what normal sex is like.

I think you can. I accept that my sons may watch porn, in the same way that they may try ecstasy. I hope that by talking and educating them and modelling to them they won't though.

HarmonicF · 11/09/2014 20:52

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Pepperwitheverything · 11/09/2014 21:06

Vivacia gosh yes I remember watching that one night years ago...channel 4 I think. I remember that disgusting, repulsive, grotesque manthing raping the woman and she was so distressed......he was so slimy and evil. I think that was when I first realised just how little some disgusting people actually care for women.

Vivacia · 11/09/2014 21:17

Yes, and it was made for viewing, and I was viewing it. I just felt so fucking angry and wanted to reach in the screen and hold her hand and take her somewhere safe.

BeCool · 11/09/2014 21:27

I don't find exploitation sexy at all. I object to pretty much everything about the porn industry.

I have a couple of male friends who, now in their late 40's are pretty much incapable of having a relationship with an actual woman, probably entirely down to the way their porn habit has fucked them up emotionally and sexually.

I have a few male friends who admit to using it and don't see anything wrong with it. I think less of them because of this.

I would not want to have a relationship with anyone who uses porn - I'd rather be single.

XP was a arsehole in many ways but he never used or was interested in porn at all and I did love that about him.

placidjoy123 · 11/09/2014 23:07

I don't see many "porn fans" here. I see moral absolutists (watching it is always wrong) vs realists. Not big fans but quite realistic that there is and has always been a demand and that there are therefore those who would supply that demand.

You categorise the "realists" as condoning rape and coercion. I disagree.

Re my own daughter.. she can do whatever she wants. As long as it's in her best interests, makes her happy, hurts no one - especially herself and she makes her decisions of her own free will as a mature adult.

lurkernowposter · 11/09/2014 23:09

This old chestnut! This topic pops up again and again! The same emotive words used, exploitation, abuse, rape! I'm sure some of the 'actors' involved in the porn industry are quite happy with what they do but there are some on here don't want to hear that, their 'ethics' mean they abhor porn, they firmly believe they are right and anybody with an opposing view is wrong, their ethics or opinion aren't valid.

I can't really understand why anyone would canvass opinion on here when it comes to this issue, they must know what the outcome will be.

Having read many posts on this issue in the past my own opinion is that some women can't stand the thought of their partner watching porn because he's being turned on by another woman, even if she's just some fantasy figure on a screen and that's why they come on here looking for help. Some women are anti-porn, with good reason to be, some like to watch porn themselves and are condemned for it on here. And the argument rumbles on...........

placidjoy123 · 11/09/2014 23:22

100% agree Lurker

placidjoy123 · 11/09/2014 23:27

Be Cool
how do you know he never used porn?

Mugg1ns · 11/09/2014 23:33

So how misogynistic is the current trend of lesbian porn being made by women for women ?
To answer the earlier question, I would not want to be in porn because I'm not that good at sex so I don't think anyone would like to watch. Leave it to the professionals !

placidjoy123 · 11/09/2014 23:39

Mugg1ns
the biggest producers of porn are now actually amateurs.

As long as all parties are mature and adults consenting adults.. what's the harm?

HanselandGretel · 11/09/2014 23:47

The harm is in distributing it online to perpetuate the industry. Bangs head against wall.

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