Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

H headbutted ds......advice please

571 replies

thelineiswhere · 09/09/2014 16:55

H (definitely not 'd'h) had been drinking bottled beers at home on Sunday afternoon.

He then decided to go to the supermarket as he often does on a Sunday afternoon to buy more bottled beers and some food items for his own personal consumption. (Money is not the issue here, so the shopping thing is a red herring but bear with me).

He was gone for several hours and I suspect he went to the pub for a couple of hours as when he came back he smelt of beer.

I was giving the kids some tea at this point and he dumped his shopping in the kitchen and hung round the table in the dining area adjacent to the kitchen winding the kids up ended up annoying ds in some way and ds told him to go away. H can be very annoying under the influence as he pushes the kids until they snap, I usually walk away but the kids were at the table eating. Anyway he wouldn't go away and was leaning in to them invading their personal space so to speak and ds pushed him away but it was like a hit on h's chest rather than a push and with that h had him pinned up against the wall with a chair and said "d you know what I do to people that hit me..... I headbutt them" and proceeded to bash his head against ds's which bashed back against the wall. Younger child was yelling at h to get off ds and leave him alone.

Ds was shocked and we all kind of yelled at h to stop. He started to tell me it was my fault and if I didn't start to... but never finished his sentence.

I reassured the kids later that h was very wrong to do this and checked ds wasn't injured.

h didn't speak to any of us for the rest of the evening as kids went to bed after a bath/shower.

Has he crossed a line here ? Things have been bad between us, he barely speaks to me at all but I assumed he'd snap out of it eventually like he always does.

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 09/09/2014 17:11

OP, are you serious?!!

Why the feck didn't you call the police and take your son to the hospital to be checked out by a doctor?!

Why are you not protecting your son??

I am furious reading your post - you come on here 2 days AFTER the event asking if your poor husband has crossed the line? Are you for real??

Pantah630 · 09/09/2014 17:11

Even if your DS is older it's still not ok, get rid of the idiot now before he gets worse....because if he gets away with it, he will. Is he violent when he's sober? If he's normally calm and rational ask him to leave, if he's not, get advice from the Police about getting him out of the home.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 09/09/2014 17:12

He spent the whole afternoon drinking then assaulted a child.

Jesus wept. He didn't cross the line, he pissed all over it.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 09/09/2014 17:13

OP - Are you scared of your DH????????

Are you worried of his reactions to you calling the police????

ChallyCreaks · 09/09/2014 17:13

Yes he was completely in the wrong and I would have kicked his nasty, drunk arse out of the house never to be seen again.

I hope your son is okay. How old is he? Please call the police or speak to the safeguarding officer at the school if you don't feel able to call the police. They will be able to get you the right help for you and children to get away from your h. Your children need to be safe and it is your duty to protect them.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/09/2014 17:14

Also for got to ask how is your D.S now.

Shockers · 09/09/2014 17:15

By not preventing this from happening again, you are failing to protect your children. This means that if it were to happen again and this incident was reported, your children would be put on the child protection register (at best).

Has your husband mentioned what he did since? He either needs to go, or to seek help about his behaviour and not be left alone with any of your children until such time that you, and any professionals involved are certain that he is no threat to their physical or emotional safety.

This was bad... very bad.

PacificDogwood · 09/09/2014 17:15

Line well and truly crossed Angry

It is your duty to be your children's protector here - get out today if you can.

If you cannot, contact Woman's Aid - they will give you help and guidance.

Contacting the police and reporting him would be absolutely correct.

Ask yourself - if he had head butted a random stranger in the pub, that would be assault. It is no different (just worse, I suppose) when it is a child, and his own child on top of that Sad

SolomanDaisy · 09/09/2014 17:15

I can only imagine that a series of smaller violent events have ebbed away at you, leading to you being unable to respond properly. You need to go to the police, get him out of the house and make sure your children know you won't let him hurt them again.

magoria · 09/09/2014 17:16

If you do nothing and your son tells an official what do you think they will think of you not doing anything to protect your child from a violent drunken thug?

You need to report this to the police and take action to prevent him from maybe killing your son next time he has a few and decides to be violent.

theDudesmummy · 09/09/2014 17:16

I don't think it is helpful to attack the OP for her lack of action till now.We don't know her situation: many victims of abuse are conditioned not to see the reality, and even if they do, not to be able to act on it.

That may well have happened here, and it may be harmful/paralysing to her for her to be told that she is in the wrong and should have done something earlier. She may even fear going to the police in case they have the same attitude (they won't). Whatever her reasons are for delaying action, she simply needs to act now, and be supported to do that.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/09/2014 17:16

Has he crossed a line? Hmm

Preciousbane · 09/09/2014 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChasedByBees · 09/09/2014 17:17

Police! ASAP!

How old is your son? Is he OK? This absolutely needs reporting to the police. Absolutely.

maleperspective · 09/09/2014 17:17

I'm a man and I've never headbutted any of my children nor (in fact) my wife nor anyone else. Violence isn't acceptable whether drunk or sober. He needs to get help for his problem (if he accepts that he has one) and you probably should get help. He shouldn't be allowed near his children and I am stupefied by the fact that you stood by and didn't intervene. If you couldn't, because of his actual or potential violence to you (what othere explanation could there be?) you should call both the plolice and the social services.

SlicedAndDiced · 09/09/2014 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

handfulofcottonbuds · 09/09/2014 17:18

thedudesmummy - I agree.

OP, you will get help but you do need to protect your children first.

morethanpotatoprints · 09/09/2014 17:19

I usually walk away this is your problem, why?
He aggravates your children and sounds like a nasty piece of work and you walk away.
I know it must be awful for you to be in this position and its ok for other people to say they wouldn't put up with it, but this has to be it now.
You must call the Police and have him charged, he is disgusting and doesn't deserve children when he treats them like this.

PacificDogwood · 09/09/2014 17:19

Stop attacking the OP please.

She needs support to get her head around this.
Thanks

FrontForward · 09/09/2014 17:19

What would you do if a man did this to your child in the street?

RubyGoat · 09/09/2014 17:20

What would you do if it had been a stranger that had done it? Do that. The fact that it's their dad, that has done this, is irrelevant. He has assaulted his son & that's all there is to it.

Hope your DS is ok.

emotionsecho · 09/09/2014 17:21

OP you do realise that if your h had carried out this assault on someone in the pub or at the supermarket he would already be in a police cell? Why are you denying your son the basic protection any other member of the public would have from your h?

Report him to the police now, get other agencies involved and give your children the protection they deserve and you as their mother owe them.

NoWayYesWay · 09/09/2014 17:21

Do you really need to ask if he crossed a line ? Confused

I would call the police.

MTWTFSS · 09/09/2014 17:22

thelineiswhere Please come back and let us help you figure out what to do next so both you and your DC are safe!

handfulofcottonbuds · 09/09/2014 17:22

You have made the first step in coming on here asking for advice. I'm guessing you have been conditioned by this bully to question his behaviour.

Please take the next step, nobody should hurt or put fear into a child.

Do the right thing, no matter how hard it is for you. They are your DCs and they need protecting.