H headbutted ds......advice please

[thelineiswhere]

H (definitely not 'd'h) had been drinking bottled beers at home on Sunday afternoon.

He then decided to go to the supermarket as he often does on a Sunday afternoon to buy more bottled beers and some food items for his own personal consumption. (Money is not the issue here, so the shopping thing is a red herring but bear with me).

He was gone for several hours and I suspect he went to the pub for a couple of hours as when he came back he smelt of beer.

I was giving the kids some tea at this point and he dumped his shopping in the kitchen and hung round the table in the dining area adjacent to the kitchen winding the kids up ended up annoying ds in some way and ds told him to go away. H can be very annoying under the influence as he pushes the kids until they snap, I usually walk away but the kids were at the table eating. Anyway he wouldn't go away and was leaning in to them invading their personal space so to speak and ds pushed him away but it was like a hit on h's chest rather than a push and with that h had him pinned up against the wall with a chair and said "d you know what I do to people that hit me..... I headbutt them" and proceeded to bash his head against ds's which bashed back against the wall. Younger child was yelling at h to get off ds and leave him alone.

Ds was shocked and we all kind of yelled at h to stop. He started to tell me it was my fault and if I didn't start to... but never finished his sentence.

I reassured the kids later that h was very wrong to do this and checked ds wasn't injured.

h didn't speak to any of us for the rest of the evening as kids went to bed after a bath/shower.

Has he crossed a line here ? Things have been bad between us, he barely speaks to me at all but I assumed he'd snap out of it eventually like he always does.

[Shesparkles]

I told him I would call the police if he didn't stop being abusively drunk but we're both professional types and at least one of us would have serious career/earning capacity damage if social services were involved.


You need to sort out your priorities

[lunar1]

You still need to ring the police. He needs a record, this needs to follow him for life. He needs to be reported to protect your family and any future family he may be involved with.

[Anotherchapter]

This has gotta be a joke surely

Your poor kids.

[BravePotato]

crossed a line?

yes, very clearly.

This is abuse.

quite a shocking read.

[PacificDogwood]

Use the next 2 weeks when your H is not at home to plan you exit strategy and be gone when he comes back (or change the locks and have back up with you on his return to tell him he is no longer welcome).

See a lawyer, a good family law person.
Get your and your kids' passports/birth certificates etc
Get copies of bank statements/other financial stuff.

Yes, the police are obliged to contact SS if there is a child safeguarding issue. Which there is if you don't take steps to protect your children.

Your poor DS.
He is just at an age when he needs good male role-models and not bullying, threats and violence at home as well as school.
He is keeping them and you on edge with treats (exciting activities) and then 'rough housing' that predictably ends in tears - I bet you are all on eggshells around him.

This is no way to live, not for you and most certainly not for your children who have no choice and no say in the matter. You are there advocate - you MUST do what's right by them.

[Madamecastafiore]

Your message to your kids reads 'I know it's wrong but I don't care enough to protect you from your father', or am maybe too much of a wimp. Either way not great really.

[FiftyShadesOfGreen4205]

I completely lost sympathy for you when I saw you're more concerned with earning potential than protecting your children.

[CurtWild]

Gobsmacked by OP's update. Absolutely horrendous. More worried about the impact on professional career than the safety of a child? Seriously?

[AnyFucker]

You are out of order, OP

you have a choice here

you say you are going to be single soon

so report your husband for GBH against your son, and that will expedite the process

what is stopping you ?

[SouthernComforts]

Wow. Fuck your job. You're child has been battered by his father.

[kinkyfuckery]

WTAF? Seriously?

[basgetti]

Frankly Social Services should be involved. Your priorities are seriously screwed up.

[PacificDogwood]

Yes, I agree, you've got this all back to front, you really do.
Get out.
Sort your earning potential when your children are safe.

[AnyFucker]

am interested in your take on the situation after OP's latest post if you have been thinking she is a frightened, cowed woman who doesn't know where to turn

there is a very clear prioritisation happening here (if the scenario is real)

[badgerknowsbest]

If you allow this to go unreported you are just as bad as your husband, why would you allow your son to be physically assaulted and do fuck all about it?

[AnnieLobeseder]

So you think it's more important to protect your income than your children? I hope to fuck that your child speaks to someone and they call the police and SS on his behalf. I'm very pleased that you are planning to leave this abusive cunt, but your attitude and priorities towards safeguarding your children in the immediate term are very worrying. Your children will always remember that their father abused them. And that you failed to protect them.

[outer]

I can't understand how you can rationalise this into it being acceptable for you to stay with him and keep him around your kids.

Fine, don't involve ss, but in that case ensure your kids are protected from him by forcing him out.

Consult a divorce lawyer.

I can't tell whether this minimising is because you are being abused and have been ground down into thinking it's all acceptable, or if it's because you don't care enough. Your last post sounds cold, which makes me think it's the latter.

[PacificDogwood]

Me, AF?
I just took it as further evidence of how eroded her sense of right and wrong has become.

[PacificDogwood]

Your message to your kids reads 'I know it's wrong but I don't care enough to protect you from your father', or am maybe too much of a wimp. Either way not great really.

I totally agree, MmeC

[morethanpotatoprints]

If this is real then you are allowing your dc to be abused, perhaps your neighbours might report you both with a bit of luck, poor children.

[FlossyMoo]

I'm sorry OP but I fail to see any reason what so ever to stay with a man who has physically assaulted a 12 year old child.

There is NO reason in the world that would stop me from calling the police immediately.

It is a parents job/responsibility to love, care for and protect their children. Your children have already been failed by one parent do not allow them to be failed by both.

PROTECT your children OP call the police.

[ScarlettlovesRhett]

I am normally of the opinion that some of the posters on mn respond very ott to a fairly normal (imo) fit of temper.

I read your op like this .

If that had happened with my husband and our 12 yr old, I would have had him arrested - that was a hugely ott and aggressive outburst and would have been an absolute red line for me - no apologies listened to and no 2nd chances given.

A fucking headbutt, after pinning him against the wall - that's unbelievably aggressive.

[youbethemummylion]

A grown man headbutted a 12 year old! Does he not have injuries which will be noticed by school etc. Do something and do it now or it may well be out of your hands and that will have a far worse outcome!!!

[tribpot]

12 years old. Dear god.

Phone the police. Do it tonight. Your child deserves to know someone will protect him from harm.