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Husband has walked out - doesn't love me anymore

789 replies

whyMe2014 · 08/09/2014 00:25

My husband took me out for lunch on August 15th then told me that night that he was leaving me and our children (11 and 4). He wanted to separate and wanted to tell the children that night. I begged him not to tell the children and he left that night.

Since then he has hardly spoken to me. He has moved into a friends house that was empty. The only thing he appears to be worried about is leaving his flash car not his children.

He has said that he 'can't take it anymore'. He has told me that we are 'completely finished', he isn't in love with me and that things have never been good. He thinks we've grown apart. He has been doing increasing amounts of overtime since July and we hardly see him. He's also taken his wedding ring off. I feel like my heart has been ripped out.

I've been ill since May with a lung condition (i was in hospital for a week) and I'm still taking lots of mediation. I'm now also taking sedatives, and anti depressants just to get though the day. I had been off work until the beginning of August, I had only just started back on reduced hours with the intention of going back to work two days in London. But I used to work around my husbands shifts but now he's no longer here so I have to explain to my employer that I will no longer be able to work in London only at home. So I could lose my job as well. My doctor has signed me off again with stress.

I'm trying to shield my daughters from the pain but I know I will have to tell them eventually.

I cry everyday, I can't sleep or eat properly. What have I ever done to deserve this.

OP posts:
Georgethesecond · 30/09/2014 19:12

Have you claimed tax credits as a single parent yet, OP?

whyMe2014 · 30/09/2014 19:35

Thanks - you're right he is weak.
He's just sent me a text to say that he needs £800 to £1000 to rent a suitable property so that the kids came come and stay. Well that's if he gets them at all because he hasn't made anytime for them so far. Selfish bastard.

He's got 3 days off this week and no sign of him.

I'm getting more angry by the min. Bring the fight on.

OP posts:
Bloomingflower1 · 30/09/2014 20:11

Are you at the point yet where you definitely wont take him back or do you still have hopes of reconciliation? If you are at no taking back then you can fight him without your hands tied behind your back. Hes trying to treat you and your DC like shit, but youre no longer, as he expected, playing ball. Poor little lamb, hes going to have less money in his pocket. but that`s his choice. Make sure your solicitor knows how angry you are, so that there are rapid responses. Treating his family like this will not go down well with most of his superiors, as the police as a whole are being watched carefully at present.

At times expect to fall apart and to descend into depression and tears, so consequently you may feel weak, but listen to the rational part of your mind as this takes place. Accept that to go upwards we invariably have to go down for a while, but even when down try not to give up on your fight. Accept these feelings as part of the healing process. You will be recovering, though at times it won`t seem like that.

You are doing extremely well. We are all with you, but ultimately you wont need us. Obviously I dont personally know you but you seem to be a lovely, caring woman. Clearly he is a very selfish person and will ultimately suffer for this. Poor little lamb! (again)

whyMe2014 · 30/09/2014 20:59

You're right I could just cancel the gym direct debit - hmm.
I have applied for child tax credits - just waiting for the information pack.

I'm at the point where my head says 'do not take him back under any circumstances' and my heart is saying something completely different. If only I could stop memories from flooding my brain sometimes. Even though I know he is a bully etc I keep thinking of good times. They seem to evade my thoughts throughout the day and when I think I hate him - pop there goes another one.

I'm going to arrange another appointment with my solicitor this week and have a letter drawn up there n then.

I just hope and pray that my girls don't grow up with a selfish side like he's got.

Thank you for your lovely words of support.

OP posts:
whyMe2014 · 30/09/2014 21:02

oooh another text from him - bless he want me to move my wages back into the joint account to pay the overdraft that he's run up - yeh like that's going to happen.

Told him to work out a budget from this months statement and if I owe anything in relation to household bills/mortgage etc I will pay however, I will not pay for all the little trips he has made to his tart!

There - take that.

OP posts:
Ilovefluffysheep · 30/09/2014 21:12

Definitely cancel his gym and anything else related to him. Sorry he is acting like such a cockwomble, you have my every sympathy.

whyMe2014 · 30/09/2014 21:21

I just love the word cockwomble.

My womens group that I attend taught me another word...

cunt struck - apologies for saying that but it was a very posh lady that said it and it had us in stitches.

OP posts:
Bloomingflower1 · 30/09/2014 21:25

Never liked Take That, but I like your "take that"!

yougotafriend · 01/10/2014 06:39

I think to good memories are invading because it is delivery over, it's like a bereavement and we only tend to remember happy time when somone/something has died.

You're doing brilliantlyThanks

whyMe2014 · 01/10/2014 14:08

I wish he would just leave us alone to get better without him.

Even when he was here he was always working so he hardly spent any time with the children. He was also on his ipad or washing his car.

Booked an appointment with my solicitor for Friday so hopefully will be able to send him a letter to shut him up for a little while. Bastard. He thinks nothing can touch him.

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 01/10/2014 14:14

I'd speak to the bank about freezing the joint account. You are legally liable for any debts he runs up on there, jointly and severally. It doesn't matter who created the debts. Honestly, call the bank, say you've split up, and get the thing frozen.

perfectstorm · 01/10/2014 14:17

He told me his wages were now going into a new account but I should leave mine in the joint account - like that's going to happen! Why would i leave my money open so that he can remove it.

oooh another text from him - bless he want me to move my wages back into the joint account to pay the overdraft that he's run up - yeh like that's going to happen.

I hope you're making a record of all his texts. He's being an idiot leaving this sort of paper trail (phone trail, anyway!) but his idiocy is at least helpful to you!

MissBlennerhasset · 01/10/2014 16:13

oooh another text from him - bless he want me to move my wages back into the joint account to pay the overdraft that he's run up - yeh like that's going to happen.

The utter cheek!! I think you're doing wonderfully, OP. Yes, def keep track of all these texts. And also, he shouldn't be texting you should he? Who cares if his mobile can't pick up emails, he can wait till he's by his computer. Tell him to fuck off.

WellWhoKnew · 01/10/2014 17:44

In what way is he contacting you? Just for money?

whyMe2014 · 02/10/2014 09:20

He's only contacting me by text now even though I keep saying email only. He said his phone can't pick up the emails. Well he not even answering my questions by email anyway. It's like he's a politician - he avoids the question.

One text I got yesterday was..."Ur wages need to go into current account 309 quid down". Then Ur wages need to go in as I'm now living on the overdraft".

Well you make your bed you lie in it!

My answer to all these were simple - well if you'd discussed money fairly there wouldn't be this problem now.

He's been using hundreds of pounds to buy petrol just to go and see his tart and I can see that on the bank statement.

I've told him I will put money in to cover any bills that I'm jointly liable for but I will not subsidise his affair.

OP posts:
Ilovefluffysheep · 02/10/2014 09:24

Has he paid any maintenance yet?

If he is running up bills after moving his money into a new account, thats his problem. Your money is clearly needed to spend on bills for you and the children.

Have you spoken to the bank yet? I would consider doing that as a priority, explaining the situation, and see if they can offer any advice. They should be able to see he moved his money out first, and will also be able to see who is spending on the account.

whyMe2014 · 02/10/2014 10:06

Nope no maintenance yet. He won't even discuss winter or my daughters birthday party this month.

I can see he's wasting lots of money.

He keeps sending me texts to say 'just put the money in' etc but I've asked him to calculate my part and I know he won't be able to do that.. Thick shit!

I think every time he bullies me a little bit of love dies.

My children still think he's the best thing every but if they only new just what his priorities were.

OP posts:
yougotafriend · 02/10/2014 12:38

he won't be able to do that.. Thick shit!

Haha you make me laugh why. It's the same in my house, I'll be gone soon and he doesn't even know how to switch the heating clock on let alone pay a bill. It's going to be a pretty fast learnign curve.

Are all men think or just lazy and happy to allow us women to take responsibility????

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 02/10/2014 13:14

OP - Before you make any payments to cover your half of bills I suggest you follow this link link here to work out what child maintainance you should be entitled to.

Then tell your twatty OH that you will be deducting this amount from what he says you owe.

Surely he can't object to that - they are his children after all.

Good Luck.

whyMe2014 · 02/10/2014 13:59

I've checked the link and it would appear to be roughly what he said but as I don't know exactly what he earns it's still a guess.

My husband couldn't careless about his kids so he would object to anything. He can only see himself and the slapper. He's had 3 days off this week and I can see the receipts on the online bank statement and there all where she lives.

My eldest was a bit stroppy last night and I did tell her that daddys handing the car back in and leaving us with nothing. Probably shouldn't of but couldn't help it.

Well at least he's stopped texting me now. But he hasn't answered my emails yet. Twat. Still he was never very good at adding up.

Everyday this week I've had to make loads of calls and go over my story again then sometimes all I get is ...well it's in his name he's got to ring us. Well...he's bloody pissed off what am I supposed to do?

OP posts:
Ilovefluffysheep · 02/10/2014 14:10

Police officer salaries are easy to find via google. Depends on number of years service as well as rank. Is he a constable, or higher rank?

whyMe2014 · 02/10/2014 14:11

He's a firearms officer and he get loads of overtime.

OP posts:
Ilovefluffysheep · 02/10/2014 14:16

Well, you can still find out his basic salary via google. Glad to hear some forces still get plenty of overtime, ours doesn't!

If it's not sorted soon I would contact the csa and get them to deal. It's not like he is hard to find, and maintenance will be deducted straight from his salary.

generousfdudgy · 02/10/2014 14:59

I have very little to offer by way of advice...but just wanted to pop in to add support to you. Something you said resonated with me- along the lines of not deserving 2014. I feel exactly the same although for very different reasons. So if you wish to join me in making 2015 our year - despite not feeling optimistic just now - then I am here should you need a hand to hold or an ear to type/shout at.

edmerckx77 · 02/10/2014 15:04

I he doesn't love you, there's nothing in the world that can make him.
See it as a new start with new opportunities.
If he doesn't want to be with you, you're better off without him.