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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Husband has walked out - doesn't love me anymore

789 replies

whyMe2014 · 08/09/2014 00:25

My husband took me out for lunch on August 15th then told me that night that he was leaving me and our children (11 and 4). He wanted to separate and wanted to tell the children that night. I begged him not to tell the children and he left that night.

Since then he has hardly spoken to me. He has moved into a friends house that was empty. The only thing he appears to be worried about is leaving his flash car not his children.

He has said that he 'can't take it anymore'. He has told me that we are 'completely finished', he isn't in love with me and that things have never been good. He thinks we've grown apart. He has been doing increasing amounts of overtime since July and we hardly see him. He's also taken his wedding ring off. I feel like my heart has been ripped out.

I've been ill since May with a lung condition (i was in hospital for a week) and I'm still taking lots of mediation. I'm now also taking sedatives, and anti depressants just to get though the day. I had been off work until the beginning of August, I had only just started back on reduced hours with the intention of going back to work two days in London. But I used to work around my husbands shifts but now he's no longer here so I have to explain to my employer that I will no longer be able to work in London only at home. So I could lose my job as well. My doctor has signed me off again with stress.

I'm trying to shield my daughters from the pain but I know I will have to tell them eventually.

I cry everyday, I can't sleep or eat properly. What have I ever done to deserve this.

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 19/03/2015 12:02

All this extravagant spending will be taken account of once the financial case gets that far. Not much comfort now, of course, but that evil fucker has it coming. And a lot more besides, I'm certain of that. Hold on in there, as I've said on the other thread xx

LondonRocks · 19/03/2015 12:17

Can the Facebook stuff be used against him to show he isn't hard up?

He is poison.

magoria · 19/03/2015 13:32

Can you go to the CSA replacement? He has a job so he doesn't get to stop paying you just because he feels like it?

Can you write back to the solicitors saying he has a legal obligation to pay maintenance and it would be cheaper for him to do so than for you to go through the CSA replacement as they will now charge him a fee on top for the pleasure of paying you. Tell them you give him until x date to cough up before you will have no option but to do it this way.

Can't believe solicitors will actually write these letters where they know there is actually a legal obligation. There is a difference in representing twat demands and those that are just wrong officially.

Not sure what other stuff he is still paying if any.

magoria · 19/03/2015 13:35

Oh and the sooner you go to them the sooner they start your claim. If he doesn't pay now he will have to eventually. A policeman with an attachment of earnings for his children is unimpressive.

NeitherHereOrThere · 19/03/2015 15:01

Definitely go to CSA/CMS ASAP and they will take it directly from his wages.

banner123 · 20/03/2015 21:11

wow just read this whole post, how astonishing, do you know it sounds sooo trivial the takeaway thing but i had the same and I used to think why doesnt he help me sort the takeaway out for the kids first and then we both get to eat together , the opposite happened in fact he used to get annoyed that i sorted the kids out before him! keep strong , how are things today? x

whyMe2014 · 21/03/2015 00:41

Thanks for the support girls.

Hopefully all his financial shenanigans including the Facebook stuff will go against him.

magoria ..Good idea about the letter..I will raise that with my solicitor on Monday. He's only giving me a small amount towards the mortgage and doesn't pay for anything else.

banner123....the takeaway thing is because they believe they are the king of the castle and should be served first sod the rest of us (including the kids).
Even in Disneyland he would get his breakfast before the kids and make them sit until he been to the buffet so many times the characters at the meet and greet had gone. I actually stood up to him and took the children to the characters and told him to have breakfast on his own.

I've found other things out today....financial stuff that I suppose shouldn't surprise me...how far will he stoop....further than I could ever have imagined.

OP posts:
Izzie595 · 21/03/2015 08:26

I think I've already said this somewhere on the other thread, but quite frankly absolutely nothing surprises me about how far they will stoop. I think it takes a while before each of us realises that it applies to our own twunts too. We all think there is a limit to what he won't do. But gradually the goalposts/ boundaries change. And what once we thought was outrageous just becomes the norm. I'm not sure about MLC, it's more like going over to the dark side

whyMe2014 · 21/03/2015 21:40

You're right Izzie..it is like going over to the dark side. My head has been full of the weasel (stbxh) today. I just cannot understand how he cut me out of his life so quickly and decisively. It's like all those years didn't matter one bit compared to five mins with the slapper. And I know that he is a bully etc but I keep going round in circles.

OP posts:
whyMe2014 · 08/04/2015 23:51

Sorry haven't posted on this thread for a while...had a bit of a meltdown following court and his fuckwittery has continued.

He just cannot do as he is told. I feel like screaming at him that he took me to court, he got a court order so bloody stick to it. He now wants to change nearly ever aspect of the order. Was the bastard actually at court or was it a bloody hologram ... because he doesn't appear to have listened to anything the judge said.

The OW has also threatened me now.
His phone numbers are barred from my landline (due to harassment) so he rang using a different number and left a message (twat).I assumed that it was her mobile number and I rang back and left a message i.e. do not ring my landline again, and then she sent me a text on my mobile (the number that she hasn't got!) to accuse me of harassment. How does that bloody work?

They are both nasty bullys and appear to be perfect for each other.

OP posts:
Zebraface · 25/04/2015 21:12

Hi Why me,
Just checking in to see how you are. Hope you are OK & getting stronger!
Koko.

whyMe2014 · 28/04/2015 00:24

Hi Zebra,
I'm still hanging on. He's had 3 individual days of contact with the children but each time he has tried something to upset me. He just will not comply with the court order. He also introduced the children to the OW on the first contact after court. Which lead my eldest to have a meltdown and smash a glass against the wall the next day.

He cannot see the damage he's done. He just say's 'they'll get over it'.

After watching Frozen my little one said...'daddys just let us go'.

And he's continued with the nasty solicitors letters and to attack me. He's also reported me back to the court for not replying to his solicitors letters. Which is untrue.

He's also moved house and he won't give me his new address. He took my children to a new house but told them they couldn't go upstairs!

And this is just a summary. xx

OP posts:
Hanginginthere2 · 02/05/2015 11:38

Hello,

I feel for you. I've got 2 babies aged 2 and 4. Just yesterday I found out that my husband has been sleeping with our baby sitter. I'm devastated.

whyMe2014 · 03/05/2015 22:12

oh Hanging so sorry to hear that. It is devastating. Do you have anybody to talk to in RL?

There's another thread on mumsnet...Hobbits Bar - still finding it hard to move on Part 7. There are lots of lovely ladies on there who are all going through tough times. I'm on there as well. If you add a post on there you will get lots of support. You can talk about anything on there and someone will understand.

I do feel for you especially with 2 young children to cope with. How are you today?

Sending you hugs xx

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 04/05/2015 12:58

WhyMe

I'm a long time lurker on this thread. Not really had anything to the excellent advice you've had from others posters. I was wondering how things are going with regard to the children's maintenance payments?

whyMe2014 · 04/05/2015 23:38

Hi Twinklestein

He did stop the maintenance but then he actually paid some at the end of April. My solicitor advised me to hold out for the financials...I'm having to take him to court for that because of his behaviour. He has told me that the Audi is in a 'lock up' somewhere. Plus we do not believe that he will disclose everything. Unfortunately I got my court date and it's not until September.

I've got my decree nisi and I felt absolutely ripped apart. Despite what he has done to me...it just felt so final seeing our names on that document.

Plus when I see him now I recognise the skin but not the creature inside. The cold contempt for me pours from him.

OP posts:
foziadean12 · 23/05/2015 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

whyMe2014 · 26/05/2015 22:38

I'm intrigued ... what did foziadean write for it to be deleted?

OP posts:
magoria · 30/05/2015 12:10

It was probably one of those my H left and this magic Dr guru on line bewitched him into coming back type posts.

gloryfreed · 18/06/2015 02:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WellWhoKnew · 18/06/2015 02:37

God bless you too Gloryfreed. Whilst we are all delighted you managed to sort out your marriage in your own way.

. < this is the point you are alarmingly lacking in awareness of.

Do PM me, if you need me to make it in bold. With pictures. And, if necessary, with language that acutely does not miss it.

Anniegetyourgun · 18/06/2015 09:20

Who needs a . when you can have plenty of !!!

Hobbitwife001 · 18/06/2015 09:30

Yes, whoop de do for you gloryfreed
Maybe you can ask whoever or whatever higher power you believe in to help you with your spelling and punctuation, it certainly needs some work....

Izzie595 · 18/06/2015 20:43

Nosy caah alert, what was all that about?

WellWhoKnew · 18/06/2015 21:06

Hi Izzie (again)

Apparently, according to Fozia and Glory we can all "save" our marriages, but sadly, MN deleted the messages...

So at least we can all blame MNHQ for our divorces.

Ain't life simple, eh?