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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Gutted

380 replies

Billy70 · 03/09/2014 12:29

Hi all - be gentle - first ever post. I have read other wonderful helpful, supportive threads and wanted your wise advice.

In a nutshell - I am absolutely gutted, too gutted to cry even, in total shock but my husband of over fifteen years has had an affair. At least 1 year long. Admitted he's besotted with her. She's (of course) at least 15-18 years younger than me and reckons they have a future together. Of course me and my children are the only stumbling blocks to their ultimate joy!

How could I have trusted him so completely and him betray me so cruelly? I sound like a victim there which I don't want to be. I found out a few months ago via indiscreet texts. I have told a few RL friends.

Parenthood wasn't his idea of fun tbh but now the children are more interesting he's much better with them. He doesn't want to move out (so he says now) as he "loves his children dearly".

Like many I truly believed we were very happy together, we have many common interests and hobbies, spend most of our weekends together, lucky enough to arrange regular nights out alone, even the odd weekend away, affectionate, talk about lots of things, active sex life (clearly wasn't enough), a great social life, I haven't "let myself go" etc. - clearly he wasn't happy or maybe he just fancied variety and she was there?

At the moment I'm hoping desperately for a "so sorry I can't believe I've hurt you this much, our family mean so much and I will endeavour to be a decent husband again" type speech. I won't ever forget but I could forgive if necessary to keep my family together. The children ADORE "family" time together, as do I. We are their world. My gut instinct is that apart from a few weeks apart they are back on. So I'm being betrayed yet further while I'm supposedly trying to get our lives back on track. Where does this leave me?

I keep hearing of marriages continuing with 10 yr + affairs rumbling alongside... how do people do that? For the Sake of the Children? Hoping one day the affair will fizzle out?
Maybe it is true love between them and he trots off happily to new life with younger woman and lives happily ever after?
Maybe he wants to have cake and eat it - ie familiar safe family life plus sex with glam young one?

I do love him so very much, always have, no wobbles ever - it's heart breaking to find out the number of times you've been told utter lies (our families, children, friends - all spun utter rubbish) and he is very good at lying, I didn't realise before but I guess thats part of an affair - being a crack shot at deceit.

The pain is horrendous at times.

Anyway any good advice greatly received.

OP posts:
bonborez · 04/09/2014 11:33

Repeating others.

  1. Call a solicitor and take the earliest possible appointment.
  2. Move into the spare room.
  3. Stop doing his cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
  4. Make it clear to him that the marriage, along with its perks, is OVER whatever the living arrangements. This is not a marriage, there is no love and partnership. He considers you a paid employee.

Your children will know things are not as they were. You are no longer doing them any favours trying to keep everything normal. Your priority now should be to make a new normal for them as quickly as possible so they don't live with uncertainty.

And they should absolutely know why your relationship with their father has ended. I posted earlier about my parents. I was told without bitterness and anger in very factual terms that my father had chosen to be with another lady. I am so so grateful that I wasn't left with a vague, wishy washy idea of how families work and how they break up and didn't experience years of uncertainty living a phoney family life, however hard it was at the time.

There is no coming back from the way he is speaking and treating you now. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are a strong woman with a life to life. Life is to short to waste in limbo.

Calypoppy · 04/09/2014 11:42

What a tosser...

captainmummy · 04/09/2014 12:35

And get an STI check. Seriously.

Vivacia · 04/09/2014 13:25

Don't feel the need to update him on school key dates for his diary this term - he can find them out for himself in future as his children mean so much to him.

That would be the first in a long list of things I wouldn't be doing for him. It sounds as though you have built a role for yourself as wife and mother - and been hugely successful at it too. You now need to become a Strong Single Mum (or whatever wording you prefer) fighting for your children's rights. Please get legal advice as soon as possible and protect you and, most importantly, your children's financial and emotional security.

nauticant · 04/09/2014 14:08

There's good advice on this thread. The word you need to have in your head at all times is disengage.

You need to stop listening to his version of how things should be. All he has in head at the moment is my cock has made me into a GOD.

Billy70 · 04/09/2014 16:24

Thanks again everyone. Great advice.
A good cry at last has helped me today.
Life is very uncertain right now but I know I will get through this some-how.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 04/09/2014 16:34

It's good to cry.
You'll do a lot more of that.
Get ready for the rollercoaster ride of emotions that will hit you soon enough.
I hope you are eating, keeping your sugar levels up and keeping hydrated!?
It's so easy to not do any eating or drinking because of the horrible sick feeling inside.

I hope you can clarify some of your thoughts while he is away.
It's a truly horrible time.

Share the load later and you'll feel a weight lift.

upnotdown · 04/09/2014 16:44

The crying is essential - it's the pathway to getting angry. He really is a shit, OP. We've been through it and come out the other side - utterly horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. My OH was apologetic and contrite and all the other stuff that he was supposed to be and that didn't make it any easier but it did make me feel that he knew he'd made a mistake.

Your DH is acting so vile towards you - I don't know how you haven't tore him a new one and changed the locks. That was the first thing I did (the next morning after I threw him out) and my name isn't on the mortgage. I knew I could be made to hand over a key but that wasn't the point.

PLEASE take some power back and show him up for the nasty little ferret he is.

WellWhoKnew · 04/09/2014 16:47

As someone in throes of an acrimonious divorce, I can perhaps tell you about what I think that really means.

Firstly, whatever threats he makes are empty, foundationless and because he too has likely never been divorced, totally within his belief that he is the master of the universe and that divorce law is biased again women, and that he has more 'rights' because he has the money. It's not - it's biased against twats.

I would urge you to seek legal advice now - to dispel all the common beliefs you have about his entitlements, and yours, you'll be rather relieved I suspect. I know I was - it's just enforcing my rights that is rather painful and comes with a barrage of problems, largely of his making.

If you maintain your shit marriage, then it gives him a long time to prepare for leaving, and ultimately all you are doing is postponing the ending of it until he decides he wants out. That means he may do stupid things with the family finances. You may then be left out of the blue, and really in a mess to resolve. The first person to take control has the initial advantage.

That does not mean they affect the outcome of the divorce settlement or childcare arrangements in any way. The law does not work like that. So his 'why should you get the house I paid the mortgage' does not come into it. The question is: can you and the children afford to stay in the family home taking into consideration your earning capacity, his earning capacity, pensions, saleable assets etc etc. This is unique to your marriage - so any beliefs you have about staying in the marital home are misguided until you get sensible, independent legal advice. Chances are you will stay in the marital home, possibly with a Mesher order (delaying a sale until the children come of age), possibly owned outright by you, possible sold and you move, possibly with him keeping it, and you moving to a new house. The possibilities are endless - it all comes down to what can be afforded and the children's needs being served. This will take time to resolve.

The law also does not recognise any twattishness within the marriage. It matters not one jot who had an affair, who had the smelliest farts, or who was the most unreasonable. It is only concerned with the arrangements for the children, the arrangements for the children, the arrangements for the children and the finances. It that order! He will not 'get' 50% access because he decides that. It's a lot more complicated than that!

It is largely a pragmatic process. You rant and rave and cry with your friends about the divorce - but I promise you it does end, you won't feel dreadful forever. What I've found in myself, was that whilst I was utterly devastated for three months, now I'm four months down the line, I just hate him. I want him to go away, I do not want him back. I miss him - but not this twat I'm married to now. The initial awfulness of the emotion goes away as you learn you need to protect your/your children's future. I still have some very sad days but I am accepting that the marriage was now flawed and it in MY interests to move on. He can go to hell for all I care.

Separating now, and him remaining in the family home (his choice - fine, but your service as cook, maid and PA are also dispensed with).

It will be unpleasant - and it will be a sustained period of awfulness rather than the slow drip-feeding of awfulness that remaining will mean.

Much of my beliefs about divorce have been proved false, misunderstood and born about because of what you read in the media, and fear! Living through a divorce is an emotionally intense time, however, as much as it only takes one person to make it acrimonious, the other person is just 'unreasonable'. I suspect it is better to be the unreasonable one (ahem!).

I suppose what I'm learning, and trying to my damndest to apply personally is that divorce is largely a legal process and can be very straightforward, and done very cheaply. Sadly, I have no hope of that now unless I forego a lot more money than the divorce costs (again, a choice as long as I can stand it, I will learn to tolerate this). It doesn't have to be this way, but it is wholly depending on the other person being co-operative.

The difficulty in divorce is that it is largely two issues competing with each other: the pragmatic ending of the marriage through a legal process and the emotional rollercoaster of hurt, anguish, stress and anxiety. The very conditions that sensible decisions are least capable of being made in!

Divorce involves a great deal of decision making, of putting your feelings to one side, and not reacting emotionally but pragmatically. You do not get 'compensation, retribution or resolution' through divorce - it does not feel like a 'fair' process at all because you've been treated appallingly.

It can be a thoroughly unpleasant experience - but that said it does end. Shit marriages never do until the other person does the 'decent' thing and expires.

So don't entertain any threats of what he will do with the house and children. If he chooses to be a twat in the divorce - so be it. You merely behave unreasonably - e.g. not doing as he says but because that is not in the best interest of you or the children. Not because you wish to make him suffer or get revenge.

That's my take on it.

Fontella · 04/09/2014 17:22

Brilliant post by WellWhoKnew!

OP read it and read it again. Print it out and keep it safe somewhere, to read when you need strength and focus.

I can't say it enough times but I wish I'd had MN when I was going through the break up with my ex. I might have saved myself a lot of heartache and been better placed to fight for what I was due financially, rather than walking away with sweet F.A.

OP you really are getting some fantastic advice here. Make the most of it.

BonTemps · 04/09/2014 17:42

Well said WellWhoKnew,

OP read, read, read WellWhoKnews post!

Your kids will be fine in the long run, I know you want what's best for the children, however in the long run, you being unhappy and letting him have his cake and eat it, this will make you incredibly resentful and you will have wasted your life on a total tosser who has no respect for you, and believe me when I say this, as I know from experience, that I tried this and painfully regret that I was miserable for some of my childrens formative years.

Time to take back some ground, as others have said, move into the spare room (better still kick him out), stop doing his laundry, meals etc, don't let him get away with it.

Start getting paperwork you may need together, especially bank statements and things that a solicitor will need.

Above all look after yourself, eat little and often, and rest when you can. Post here as much as you like, mumsnetters know what they are talking about.

Branleuse · 04/09/2014 18:00

OP you are much stronger than you think and actually YOU hold the shots here, despite what hes trying to make you think.
Even if he decided sonehow to choose you, do you honestly think youd be happy with him again after this?? Youd be constantly on edge. Hes broken the vital trust. Youre hurting because hes broken your heart. Not because hes worth keeping.

Keep a diary from now on. It will help

PoppyField · 04/09/2014 18:38

Billy - he got nasty last night because is is nasty. This is an awful thing to have to accept. The old DH is never coming back, so you are grief-stricken. I really feel for you.

Trouble is you do not have time to lick your wounds for months at a time - no matter how much you deserve it. He is way ahead of you, having checked out of your marriage ages ago while you still thought he was lovely. You need - for your children's sake as much as your own - to get on the front foot.

This will make you feel better.

Seeing a solicitor will make you feel better - I promise you. It will feel like you're taking back some of the power and that you are making progress to claim what you deserve.

Make that appointment. Please please do it. Make several - and find someone you like. Find someone who can be tough when you don't feel capable - that's what you are paying for. And don't feel guilty. Get the best help you can. You know he is going to fight dirty so that is all the justification you need.

He is trying to make you feel like you deserve nothing - emotionally and financially. You are worth MORE! So much more. Repeat after me: No-one deserves to be treated like this.

Don't fall for his bullshit that it's HIS money and HIS mortgage and HIS house. He knows he's on quicksand on that one. The good news is that you can scare the pants off him very easily as he sounds like a mean bastard who doesn't want you to have your rights under the law. Let a solicitor tell you what you are entitled to and blooming well feel entitled. And then go for it!

mammadiggingdeep · 04/09/2014 19:05

Well done op. you sound strong. Lean on your friend, let people help you.

Be strong. We are all here supporting you x

CookieDoughKid · 04/09/2014 20:02

Op . how are you doing? Just checking in. Keep yourself busy. Keep conversation to a minimum. If it helps to find a cleaner, do so and pay it out of the domestics which he is paying anyway.

Separation is tough but you need to grow that armour. Your heart is fragile but it will mend.

He has a long long way to make peace with you and he may never. In the meantime, be strong!!

my2centsis · 04/09/2014 21:57

Can no one but me tell that the OP is going to stay with him?

MaccaPaccaismyNemesis · 04/09/2014 21:59

I have to say you are coming across like you are going to let him carry on fucking the OW whilst you make dinners and look after your kids. Stop enabling him to mess you about, please.

Pinkfrocks · 04/09/2014 21:59

Hmm I have a funny feeling about the whole thread and had from the start.

AnyFucker · 04/09/2014 23:10

Report it then.

dolicapax · 04/09/2014 23:11

I have no idea whether this thread has a funny feeling or not, but assuming it hasn't, who are we to decide whether OP stays with him or not? It's her life. It's fine to offer help, share experience, all of that, but no one RL or internet based has any right to tell someone what to do, or judge them for their decision.

MaccaPaccaismyNemesis · 05/09/2014 06:49

Apologies for the swearing there.

Pinkfrocks · 05/09/2014 09:00

Report what AF?

You seem to be thinking things I'm not.

I'm concerned that a poster writes very articulate and emotionally-detached posts ( no sign of anger) when is a state of great distress, but then doesn't come back to respond to any advice or even appear to be taking any advice on board.

I'm wondering why- that's all.

Billy70 · 05/09/2014 09:51

Hello all, I'm not sure what the funny feelings are about????

I am still in total shock (emotionally detached maybe right now?). Other people may be able to detach, kick him out, move on with getting on with a new life in a matter of months but that just isn't me. I will deal with everything in my own time, I was just hoping for support / advice (which I've got thanks from most people!) to help me cope with all the big decisions ahead.

I don't have to take all the advice but I do appreciate the time people have taken to respond. My dear RL friend was very supportive, re-iterated a lot of what I've been told already so I know you all have my best interests at heart. I'm much more prepared for whats ahead.

House is a dump so going to sort it out today and go for a run to de-stress.

Anger isn't going to help me right now, but it's simmering there - don't worry!!!!

OP posts:
Pinkfrocks · 05/09/2014 10:09

sorry OP- no offence intended. I was a little worried that you seemed slow to respond to some suggestions and were still - literally- in the marital bed. 'spose I felt you were under-reacting -or maybe unable to see the real extent of his behaviour.
Guess I was expecting you to come back and say you'd phoned a solicitor and made an appt, and taken some practical steps.
But- all in your own time.

Billy70 · 05/09/2014 10:32

Hi I have taken some of the steps suggested already but I won't be "kicking him out" as I physically can't do that.

His behaviour is truly appalling and callous, I really do know that.

OP posts: