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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 80

999 replies

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 15:38

As we were saying...

OP posts:
dontcallmehon22 · 25/08/2014 18:49

He just texted me to say 'I honestly have a good feeling about you. Don't want to send a big text about how much I like you, as you already know that. You're pretty special.'

SingleSock · 25/08/2014 19:00

Well, if he was interested in continuing, it's definitely over now. He started texting asking if I'd been on any dates since we met and I was honest and told him one. He has said this has upset him and he doesn't want to know. Knew I shouldn't have gone back online.

dontcallmehon22 · 25/08/2014 19:04

He's not being fair to you single. He went awol and you're expected to just wait around for him?

SingleSock · 25/08/2014 19:09

He's said that if I wanted to see other people I should have said instead of sending him away to think about it. He's wished me luck with the new guy. I desperately want to try and convince him but I know I've fucked it now. I haven't replied to his last text because there's nothing I can say to bring it back. Feel quite sad now.

Jarlin · 25/08/2014 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinklaydee1302 · 25/08/2014 19:19

I hope he's not playing mind games with you Single, trying to make out your the bad one. A guy did that to me once.

arsenaltilidie · 25/08/2014 19:23

Single you haven't fuck up.
He's playing with your head,
He sent a feeler about sex, hence he was quick to ask if you've met someone and that bruised his ego.

"sending me away to think about things"
He is already gas lighting you because I'm sure that is not how the conversation went.

SingleSock · 25/08/2014 19:25

I keep thinking of what I can possibly say Jarlin to convince him but the truth is, this is too much for an early relationship. Even if he agrees (which I doubt) it's tarnished. I shouldn't have gone on the date but I thought I'd not hear from again and I was impatient and couldn't handle my feelings.

My sister thinks that this is for the best anyway and that an early relationship shouldn't be this angst filled plus the whole needing to think about it. She thinks he's done me a favour.

SingleSock · 25/08/2014 19:27

You're so right arsenal, he has somehow managed to turn it on me. I didn't 'send him away' he asked for time to think and actually, I was pretty upset that he even needed that.

Original poster
UrsulaBuffay · 25/08/2014 19:43

You haven't fucked it single he's looked for an excuse. This guy is making me angry!

OP posts:
Original poster
UrsulaBuffay · 25/08/2014 19:44

And certainly don't dignify him with a response!

OP posts:
SingleSock · 25/08/2014 20:03

I feel really upset now. Think I'd have preferred it if he'd never got in touch again. I don't know if he was putting feelers out because he's at work. I guess it could have been an excuse but what if I'd said 'no'?

If I put myself in his shoes then I think I'd have been upset too. I feel so silly for not just waiting a week for his answer.

Don't think I can carry on with dating. I'm so not ready and now I'm upset to boot. And I've nobody to blame but myself. I've deleted Tinder, will leave my POF profile hidden for the time being. Not sure what to do about MrTall-1.

knittedknickers · 25/08/2014 20:49

Hi all - advice needed! I was banging on a bit about the mystery of my few dates with an OLD from a few weeks ago last night and this morning on this thread. Anyhow, I emailed him a chatty/jokey message last night and he's come back to ask if I want to be 'more than fwb and mutually exclusive....start off slowly and see how things develop'. I am a bit crap and naive, I think. I think he was basically after a quick shag and that's why he lost interest previously...but this description has confused me. I had been giving him signals that I was still interested and we have discussed sex so it's not like it's come out of the blue. I just don't really get what the difference between what he's suggesting and 'dating' is. Obviously I've asked him but I'm still not getting a really clear answer - i.e. I've asked if he means that we both know it would never become a ltr/are you going to be looking around to keep options open etc. He has said no, he wants it to be just us but that he's never done this before (so it's not just simple dating as far as he's concerned) and that he really likes me (but with an emphasis on wanting to have sex with me). I know I sound it but I'm not a passive little people-pleaser and obviously will state what I want out of it but firstly, I'm trying to suss out what he is actually suggesting and how I feel about that. At first I felt sad because it felt like he was saying he didn't see me as good enough to have a normal relationship with but then I wonder if i've made him feel I wouldn't be up for that (I did say I dont know if I want that in an earlier email to him)...I am worried I will feel like a prostitute!!!! I know I need to talk to him about it to straighten it all out. But can I please have some honest advice on here from those with an opinion..?

FolkGirl · 25/08/2014 21:20

BABES I think you might be right. I was supposed to go and see him on Saturday night, but cancelled because I felt dreadful on Saturday; really down and miserable.

I told him I wasn't in the mood, because last time I saw him he said, "you are very beautiful when you are happy. But when you are not. Mm, not so much"

I knew he wouldn't want to see me when I didn't look happy and I wasn't, so I didn't go.

God it's just sounding awful now!

I really needed to remember that, because I've been sitting here listening to all the songs that remind me of him and breaking my heart over it. But I shouldn't do.

SingleSock · 25/08/2014 21:42

MrTall texted again to say he thought I might have tried to change his mind? I apologised again and then he basically admitted that he wasn't sure anyway Hmm. I think I can safely say I'm just an ego boost for him and he wants me to beg. I've not replied to his last text.

Justatoe · 25/08/2014 21:43

Oh single he has been totally out of order and a reasonable man would have respected you being honest about going on a date. It is hard now, but you are worth far more than this.

Justatoe · 25/08/2014 21:47

Well after bemoaning a lull earlier today, and being stuck in the house preventing any goings on being friendly to DDs new boyfriend, I have somehow ended up with a date Saturday night & another three conversations ongoing. Four is a little too many for my easily confused brain!

SingleSock · 25/08/2014 21:48

I actually feel ok now I understand what this is. I was feeling bad like i'd ruined my chances but it's clear there was no chance anyway.

In other news, a guy I quite like from Tinder has started messaging again.

Actually, I'm a bloody good catch and if MrTall can't see that and wants to risk me being snapped up by someone else, then more fool him. NEXT!

FolkGirl · 25/08/2014 21:51

Good for you, single. There was a question mark over him from the start, though, wasn't there? At least now he's made it nice and easy for you.

He thought you'd try and change his mind? He wants to grow up then, doesn't he?

Original poster
UrsulaBuffay · 25/08/2014 21:56

Mr Tall is predictable isn't he. Don't be apologetic to him you've done nothing wrong! The more you ignore him now the more he will chase guaranteed

OP posts:
IMNOTYOURBABES · 25/08/2014 22:05

Folk - no
Please no, my lovely. You deserve so much more.

I've had the shittiest of shits with regard to starts in life.
X

Hissy · 25/08/2014 22:07

Argh, crap!

The worst date is a date where you really want to like them, but don't...

Met Mr Keen on saturday, really enjoyed the evening, good conversation, funny, etc. We'd spoken on WhatsApp all the time while I was on holiday so I really wanted him to be great.

He's a lovely guy, not bad looking etc, but just no chemistry as far as I was concerned. breath wasn't great either

He's all for a 2nd date... I have to tell him don't i?

Original poster
UrsulaBuffay · 25/08/2014 22:09

Yep. 'Hi it was lovely to meet you the other day, however I'm not sure we had an awful lot in common. Wish you well x' that'll do.

OP posts:
Original poster
UrsulaBuffay · 25/08/2014 22:10

Folk I'm sorry and annoyed he said those things to you. No one looks their best unhappy look at Kim Kardashian's crying face ;) he should have worked at making you happy x

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 25/08/2014 22:16

I wasn't crying. I just wasn't smiling and was a bit subdued when he said it.but not unhappy.