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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 80

999 replies

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 15:38

As we were saying...

OP posts:
Original poster
UrsulaBuffay · 25/08/2014 22:24

It was a couple of dickish comments not to be over thought

OP posts:
dontcallmehon22 · 25/08/2014 22:27

I hate that hissy it's hard when you really want to like someone and it's not there.

folk I think that's so sad. He should want to make you happy, if you're down.

knitted that sounds exactly like a relationship to me, I can't work out what the difference is.

I can't believe I spent so long sad over geeky. I'm feeling tentatively good right now. Blondegeeky is very lovely. He gets lovelier each time I see him.

Original poster
UrsulaBuffay · 25/08/2014 22:33

Also I have what is commonly known as a resting bitch face. Cheer up love it might never happen face :-)

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 25/08/2014 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 25/08/2014 22:34

I agree Folk that was well below what is to be expected of someone that's supposed to care for us!

Sock I feel so much for you, MrTall has been a complete dick tbh! I know how sad you feel, but really he's pissing you about, and it's not worth your time.

Ursula thanks :) we do have plenty in common really, I do like him, but i'd see him as a mate, not as a partner.

dontcallmehon22 · 25/08/2014 23:34

God I'm confused. Blondegeeky tells me how beautiful and special I am. I get home and he's changed his name and profile pic on match!!!

Seeing him Wednesday, but is he a player?

I might change my pic. He views me everyday.

knittedknickers · 25/08/2014 23:38

I don't think you should change your pic, dont - I would talk to him about it instead when you see him on Wednesday. Maybe it's simply a vanity thing, i.e. he wants to look good even though he's not interested in anyone else. I really think you would have got those vibes when you're with him if he was a player. I mean obviously it's hard to tell but because he seems to have found you hard to read and maybe a bit cool I think it would complicate things too much if you now change your picture as well.

dontcallmehon22 · 25/08/2014 23:42

I guess. It gave me a horrible shock to see that today tbh. I'm supposedly staying at his on Saturday.

How do I broach it?

dontcallmehon22 · 25/08/2014 23:46

I might say that I want to stay at his Saturday, but I don't want to have sex if he's still looking around and bring it up that way.

dontcallmehon22 · 25/08/2014 23:48

He's seeing me twice a week - he'd struggle to date loads of others! But it doesn't seem quite right this.

knittedknickers · 25/08/2014 23:48

I am rubbish at being cool about these things so would have to be totally upfront and say you looked at his profile and that you were surprised to see that he'd done that. Maybe others will come up with better solution I just can't do the tactical stuff. It is strange and I'd def be upset about that too but I think it would be better to be straight about how you feel personally.

knittedknickers · 25/08/2014 23:50

Yes, I think that would be a good way of broaching it. Though I would probably say that face to face if I was you as then you can read body language and things are less likely to get misinterpreted.

dontcallmehon22 · 25/08/2014 23:53

I told him I thought he was funny and he's called himself funnyguy in his name.

knittedknickers · 25/08/2014 23:56

Hmm, I wonder why he's changed his name. Is he young? Could he be a bit insecure and looking for an ego boost from other women? It sounds like he does genuinely really like you.

BeforeAndAfter · 25/08/2014 23:57

Single sorry to say this but this was only ever a sex thing for him. Men say they want a relationship because it helps the knickers to slip down faster. For whatever reason, don't ask me, men put up with the shit afterwards because the shag is worth it. Sorry I know that's brutal but the romantic optimists that root for you are off base to my mind. If I'm wrong I will happily eat confetti without champagne (or tap water) to wash it down at your wedding...

Knitted he wants to fuck you. End of. You wanted him to want you. Relish in it or ditch him. Don't analyse the joy out of it. Why the fuck would you feel like a prostitute? I've fucked men I don't know. We've had amazing sex. He hasn't paid me. I haven't paid him. 50/50 on a hotel so no compromise on privacy. He sure as hell doesn't feel like a male escort, I sure as hell don't feel like a prostitute. I think he was one lucky bastard. I'm 99% certain your guy wants sex and nothing more and is trying to tell you that or doesn't want to lead you up the garden path. At least he's not pretending to want a relationship or stringing you along. I honestly think you're stringing yourself along by reading more into it. It's a shit or get off the pot moment. Sex might lead to more but it probably won't so make a decision. Honestly, you're torturing yourself. Sex and worst case: he disappears, best case: he sticks around and you might end up with him. Don't kid yourself, don't over-analyse.

Sorry I know that's not what either of you wants to read but that's how I see it.

dontcallmehon22 · 26/08/2014 00:03

I'm just going to say I'm fine if he wants to date others, but if that is the case, I'm
not going to have sex with him. That's not negotiable. It'll force the exclusivity chat earlier than I'd intended. He really really wants to have sex with me, so I have power here.

dontcallmehon22 · 26/08/2014 00:03

He's mid 30s, but v insecure.

BeforeAndAfter · 26/08/2014 00:11

Don't I think the name change thing is quite devious. I had one do that to me. I'm sure he thought I'd not spot him... How stupid do they think we are? Different name, different photo, same bloke. Yep, I won the spot the difference competition Confused

Handywoman · 26/08/2014 00:15

Back from date 3 with MrSwoon Smile

Got over the snogging hurdle Smile when he turned up was very attracted to him! Been feeling v nervous and somewhat mixed feelings about being with me. He exudes a sort of confidence that keeps me hooked but I keep thinking he is going to go off me because I do t have it. IYSWIM?

Also : question for a newbie dating for first time after 14yr marriage and 15 months separated : is it normal to be a bit 'woah' about physically being with a different person?

I am trying to listen to my gut and figure out if this is what I want..... Not easy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bant · 26/08/2014 00:19

Men say they want a relationship because it helps the knickers to slip down faster. For whatever reason, don't ask me, men put up with the shit afterwards because the shag is worth it.

Sorry, Single that may be true in some cases, but not all. Not in my case, for example. It's sad that you have such a negative view of men in general, but you're wrong on this.

Bant · 26/08/2014 00:21

Whoops - that was to BeforeAndAfter, not Singlesock. My mistake

BeforeAndAfter · 26/08/2014 00:37

Bant unfortunately generalisations slip into comments on threads like this. I agree with you that not all men think like this and I certainly don't think that you, Mademan or Neil think like this. Nor do I think that you're the only men that do not think like this. I do think that there are plenty of men who do do this. In fact I believe that your recent statistical analysis of men on OD sites suggested that the decent ones were in the minority as many were married and disguising the fact. Heaven forbid Confused Forgive me Bant I'm human, tipsy, it's late and I feel passionately about lovely people being taken for a ride be they male or female. Let's go for a beer - you'd probably enjoy my company; if you allowed yourself to.

IMNOTYOURBABES · 26/08/2014 02:59

I've been messaging MrWrongEmail, exchanged photos (he is very good looking) and ...

It appears that every time I open my mouth, I say something stupid - this only happens when I talk to him.

Eh?? What's that all about??
And I can't sleep.

Despite all this, he has asked if I would like to go out for a drink sometime this week.
I hope my brain gets into gear before we meet, otherwise I'll be talking fluent horseshit while he tilts his head & looks alarmed.

FolkGirl · 26/08/2014 05:07

Dont I'm sorry, I might be a bit jaded at the moment, but the name change/photo change would really put me off. I'd assume they were still fully active on the site. I could offer more palatable explanations, but the bottom line is, it's a dating site. There's only one reason he's on there, still on there and trying to make himself look more attractive on there.

When I was really interested in someone, I was worried about them seeing me online at all. If I'd changed my picture and name, I'd have expected some very serious questioning and for them to dump me, if I'm honest with you.

If I had any sort of emotional attachment to someone at all, I'd worry that they'd think I wasn't interested; was still active on the site; was seeing several other people and still looking...

I would be reining in those feelings and progressing with extreme caution, if I were you. And as for telling him you won't have sex if he's still looking and him really wanting to have sex with you... I'd be worried that he'll say/do whatever it is he feels he has to in the short term.

I admit that I am very cynical and I, sadly, do have a fairly low opinion of men in general. But I'm also yet to be proved wrong Sad

Hissy It's such a shame when that happens Sad I had it a couple of times. It's a real pity. I suppose it's those times when you realise just how unpredictable 'attraction' is.

As for me, well I think you're all right. Everything seems to have changed so dramatically in the last few weeks. But I suppose we got to that point where 'perfect' was dropped and we started to let each other see our real selves.

I just don't understand his motivation. Why invite me over and practically ignore me? Why ask to see me again when you've invited me over and practically ignored me?

I don't know what to say in the email though. I don't want to give him reasons because I don't want him to get defensive and launch a 'counter attack'. And I don't want it to turn into a conversation.

I think I'll just say, "Hi, This isn't working for me anymore and it's making me unhappy. It's over. FG" Do you think that's ok?

adamkevinlee12 · 26/08/2014 05:12

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