Dating Thread 80

[UrsulaBuffay]

As we were saying...

Morning :)

Why do men always do it ladies? Start off so nice and genuine. Then start asking for nude pics

MrStern did this last night so I wished him lunch on pof and said he isn't for me and I'm nit that kind of girl.

Once upon a time I was, but not now. Proud of myself for keeping my boundaries.

Well done Dire. I have yet to be asked for one or been sent one - not sure whether I should be pleased or offended

Lunch today with Mr Engineer. Sceptical glasses on, eyes wide open, head screwed on right! Got a stinking cold so will dose myself up - I sound a cross between Frank Bruno and Elkie Brooks (showing my age).

In other news MrSA actually texted yesterday to apologise for not being in touch, he had met someone else blah blah and wished me luck. I mentally sent a very snarky reply but kept my level head on (must have screwed it on yesterday) and replied with a 'I had worked it out that you did not want to pursue things with me but thank you for your text. I had fun, no regrets. Hope it works out.' I feel better that he did have the Grace to text, albeit a tad late.

Onwards and upwards - with a cough and a packet of tissues in hand.

Minmooch that's our mantra 'onwards and upwards' I actually have it as my profile opening line on pof!

I think online dating is good.

I don't see it as a way to lose self esteem. I think it's a good way to change patterns of previous bad relationships. You don't like something? Tell them they aren't for you. Hone the twat radar :) mrstern has been extremely apologetic so i am chatting again but each time he does something that oversteps my boundaries he will be told so. If he doesn't hang about, no loss. In fact a self esteem and self respect boost instead.

Hi everyone, I'm trying to keep up with everyone else's stories but haven't posted myself because I haven't been on any more dates recently although I have some lined up.

One new guy I've been speaking to is (yet another) doctor. He says he's lonely. He send me little snapshots of his day which I find quite funny. But after the last one turned out to be a narcissist, I am worried about this one.

Yesterday my friend came over and she was bent double laughing at some of my unfortunate stories. When she left she said she was going to try to appreciate her husband a bit more!

Hi everyone. So some nice Text from MrItalian he is with hie daughter this week not so easy when little children are involved. Last nights NOT date had the cheek to text me this morning saying I should have gone and met him abs it would have been fun. What an arrogant git. My reply was little rude ha ha

Folk, I'm so glad to hear you're feeling a little better, if your DD's choices of music aren't exactly helping...

Hissy, was it date 2 last night and, if so, how did it go? And did you get to the bottom of the mystery about the text?

Jarlin, I'm not surprised you're nervous about meeting Slow - and even more nervous about him cancelling the meeting. I think it's something you have to do, or you'd always wonder what he might have said. But yes, it's not enough just for him to miss you - he has to say more than that. I've got all my fingers crossed for you.

Actutally, Jarlin, I was thinking about something you said about Slow being a people pleaser (I think) and I have a feeling Walt might be similar. He seems to be trying to keep his ex happy (which is fine) but to the extent that I don't think he ever wants to say no to her or disagree with her. So she's just told him that she's going out tonight, and he has to look after the DC. He was meant to be coming to mine tonight ... first time we'd have seen each other since last Saturday, and the only opportunity to spend another night together for another two weeks (he has his DC next weekend). I've been washing all the bedding, buying him pain au chocolat for breakfast, etc ... now I'm in tears because I'm guessing he won't come after all. Sorry, I know I'm being a bit pathetic, but I find it so hard in the early days when you can barely see each other because of childcare, and I can just see this becoming a pattern - that his ex gets what she wants, and I lose out.

Lots going on - I've been lurking and reading but nothing much to post.

Joined match and I don't know why as no one does anything on there I've had 700+ views in a week, a few winks from people who live miles away and don't read my profile and other than chatting to a local guy whose the same height as me and goes to my gym (& then saw me the following evening there) there is nothing happening. Wish I'd kept my £29 now.

Mr 7yrs ago whom I had a few dates with 7 years ago has rang me 6 times this week, each time it says withheld number so I refuse to answer, he's still playing games all these years on. He doesn't text!

Then bizarely I've been chatting to a guy I had a brief 3 mth relationship with on POF before I met my ex. He was lovely but was still logging into the sites when we were together, plus it was more like a FWB type thing as we never did anything other than go to the pub and have sex. The 'relationship' didn't seen to go anywhere! But he was very gorgeous! He still is! But is still living with his parents (he's 42).

Hugs to everyone going through the dating mill!!

Hello all would appreciate your thoughts on this...have been OLD since June, met someone last night who I really liked, first one for a while.

Trouble is he told me he is still living with his ex-W although separated and getting divorced. Said he would be moving out after Christmas. I texted him this morning to say I really liked him and would have suggested a second date but his current situation was just too involved for me.

My thoughts are he lived some distance away so we would always have had to meet on my turf / stay at mine, how could I tell if he was telling me the truth, and also didn't want to feel I was somehow competing with his ex although he said it was completely over and she had someone else.

Not really sure if he liked me anyway as he didn't say either way. I think he realized I was a bit about the whole scenario.

I think I did the right thing but feeling a bit meh. Almost annoyed really that I made the effort for someone who I wouldn't have considered having a relationship with in his current circs.

I wonder if I need to say something specific about separating / divorcing men in my profile (this is actually the second similar situation in the last few months) or ask more searching questions when messaging before a date?

Diag I agree with your decision not to progress as too involved.
I made mistake of seeing someone for six months & falling for that line..found out his wife didn't know they were that separated
I just make sure in early stages of messaging now.

Diag I agree too, not sure if I would want to see where that would lead. Not sure whether I would mention it in a profile though. I think sometimes it is easy to ask questions before meeting, with some people the conversation takes a turn where you can ask those questions. I have found lots of men ask questions about how long single, why single, last relationship, why it broke down etc, then it's easy to ask them similar questions.

Jarlin I hope it goes well for you tomorrow and you get the answers and outcome you want. I hope for you, that slow has come to his senses and realises that it's do or die, either progress or leave you be to find what you deserve and want.

Mr C has been in contact. He says he misses me and has been thinking. I don't know what to do. I have very strong feelings for him but I just can't cope with the drama. I'm thinking that now, that after me finishing it twice, him calling it off once I have a right to "demand" a serious talk about what is going on and where he thinks this is all heading.

Minmooch hope lunch went well. I guess it is always best to be a bit sceptical, then if something good comes of it it's a nice surprise rather than a huge disappointment.

Louby what is it with men, always cycling backwards and forwards. Making zero effort, having a different memory of events, popping up, disappearing. I guess I might be tempted in the short term to fill in time but keep my options open.

Well lunch date went quite well. He looked like his photo, height was as he said, texted me before hand to say he would be there and in what car so there was no awkwardness. Had a 3 hour lunch so we definitely had enough to talk about. Maybe a little straight for me, a civil servant, but ......... a great kisser! Result Felt like I was 14 having a bit of a snog (not full on but pretty close) in the car park. I am so used to my ex-husband being so awkward with intimacy of any kind that it feels very weird for someone to be ......... not awkward. MrSA wasn't awkward either but I am just not used to it. I am a tactile person and love a good kiss so it's all rather illuminating .

Diag - another one in agreement. Still living with ex = not emotionally available in my book.

Jarlin hope all goes well with Slow tomorrow. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve.

Louby he's called you 6 times this week? Nutter. I'd be wary of the one still living with his parents (unless he is caring for them in some way). Mr Engineer has not been married nor had children but at least owns his own home and has lived with someone previously so I am hoping he is not a manchild.

AndCat younger children make dating more difficult but I would respect a man more for putting his children before a new girlfriend. Hard as it is look at this as him being a good father.

Good luck with meeting slow, jarlin
Hope it goes well.
Glad you feel a bit better folk
I'm not going to be on the thread much now but just wanted to update that I've been seeing a lot of blondegeeky and he told me he loves me. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Dontcall fingers crossed for you. Just a voice of caution - is it not a bit early for the 'L' word? Keep your eyes open and head screwed on.

I will do. I trust him though.

Excellent news don't - I certainly will keep my fingers crossed for you xx

ok, when a weirdo alarm goes off the first time, it gets your attention. the second time it goes off, it batters you around the head and give you a wedgy.

have been texting/whatsapping a guy this week, seemed pleasant enough so I agreed to a 1st date.

so he then says 'tell me about your son' who admittedly i'd not mentioned at all, bar the fact I had one. so I replied 'Like what?' and he comes back tell me everything, I know nothing, hje's part of you'

I was

but I thought, well an age the fact I have him all the time may be relevant. so told him.

everything went back to fine.

today, I happened to mention that I was going ro buy tickets for a footy match, he thought it was today, I said it's next week. day/conversation went on, thought nothing of it.

later was talking about stuff, plans for tomorrow etc, nothing special, all hunky dory, and then he says

'Gutted about game, would have (liked/loved)* to have gone'

*word was missing, i'm assuming it was one or other of these words.

so I asked what game, bearing in mind it's a couple/few hours after the footy comment.

he told me the game that i'd been talking about going (he supports neither team afaik) he wasn't invited, never would have been invited, and it's something i'm doing with DS. it would have been mere days after our supposed 1st meeting.

something tripped in my head.

so, i'm cancelling the first date, and will tell him something didn't feel right, etc etc.

i'm not being bonkers, am i?

of course I realise he can buy a ticket to any game he likes, but I meant not invited to go with me

Hissy if something felt odd then listen to that. It would seem very strange to me to hear a stranger say they would like to go to a football match/anything with me and my son.

Hissy - I had a guy ask me if I could bring my children to a first date to see if he gets along with them!

I agree that gut feelings should never be ignored.

Dire I agree with your view of OD. My confidence/self esteem and boundaries all improved doing OD. Given that they're still shit now, it's shocking when I think of how bad they must have really been before!

I deliberately dated men who weren't My Type too. I kept the basic search criteria the same - education was the biggest. But I realised my 'world' was very small and I had some interesting experiences dating outside of it. In fact, I realised that My Type wasn't really my type at all, and I really got a good sense of what I want.

AndCat Thank you. And sorry to hear that about Walt. The first guy I dated was separated pending divorce and he was similar. It was a shame - he was very much my type and only lived 15 mins away from me, but his ex very erratic in her demands for him to have the children. We couldn't make any plans as he didn't want to say no, and neither of us wanted me to meet his children. It was far too soon! I ended it after a few weeks because it was clearly just untenable. I hadn't discovered these threads at that point, and wasn't aware of the term 'emotionally unavailable'. But he was.

Diag I think your decision was the right one.

Minmooch I've never been sent, or asked for, nude pictures either! I don't know whether to be pleased or offended either!

Hissy You're not being overly cautious, I'd cancel too.

Dont really pleased to hear that things are going so well with B (thought you were dropping the Blondegeeky moniker ) I marvel at how different you and I are though. You hear I love you and you believe it. I hear it and think "lying bastard" and wait for all the shit to start!

I hope he turns out to be one of the good guys (if, in fact, they really exist) and it all works out well for you this time.

Jarlin Good luck today. Will be thinking of you.

I felt pretty down last night.

Not bad about myself, but I was missing him Or rather, I really wanted to know if/that he was missing me . I kind of wanted to email him, but didn't for lots of reasons: I didn't actually have anything to say to him!; I didn't want to stir everything up again; I didn't want him to ignore me... I didn't have any reason to, I just wanted to. But I didn't. I kept kind of hoping I'd have had a drunken 3 am message from him. But I didn't. And now I'm pleased about that.

Anyway, I've woken this morning with a completely different head on. Instead of missing him, I feel a bit cross with myself for tolerating so much. I don't feel much better about myself, but I don't think I'll turn any blind eyes to anything or make any exceptions in the future.

I'm going to lose that stone, do some exercise and hopefully feel better about myself.

Good for you Folk.