Dating Thread 80

[UrsulaBuffay]

As we were saying...

AndTheCat Guy was lovely actually! shorter than me, but i was in high wedges., he wasn't. He's 5'8" to my 5'6", my wedges were a good 3". We got on really well and I got the 'attracted to you' vibe from him. He had nice sparkling eyes, nice hands, no bad breath. :)

The reason I was not optimistic was that he hadn't called me beforehand and I find it really hard to have a rapport on chat/email/text. We have been messaging a bit before I went on hols, but not during as i wasn't 'roaming'.

He asked me to go out with him again, and I will, got a bit of a small snog, which was nice. I shall call him Mr VanMan. He did also say 'I'll call you now too, I know I'm a bugger for not doing that' I suppose some people find it hard to call others. I do sometimes too.

we'll see.

There is another guy that on paper really ticks boxes, he's a way away though and I have not spoken to him on the phone, but have given my number and he said he will call. He's in Education, really 'up' and positive. I'll chat to him this week and see how we get on.

Oh Minmooch, what an absolute waste of space. Honestly, what do these men think we're going to do - collapse without them? It's a cliche but obviously you're way too good for him. I agree, have a cry if you feel like it but realise you will do much better than that little squirt xx

minmooch I'm so sorry, that was crappy and you have every right to feel sad/mad about what he did. that IS a shitty thing to do, after 4 dates and sleeping with you.

Please don't let him make you lose heart, you have done nothing wrong. you trusted him and he abused that trust.

Jarlin you know when Slow said he couldn't see you for six weeks or so because he was in doting Dad mode? Well is that period of time now up? I'm just wondering if that's why he's popped up now.

Anyhoo have a good date tonight.

Min that's such appalling behaviour. I wish these sites could figure out a way of giving feedback. I know it wouldn't work because some people would just give shit feedback 'for fun' but wouldn't it be great to have a 'he shags and blocks' icon?

Jarlin that's interesting on the phone thing, why don't you want to talk to them before a date? is it an over investment thing?

Hissy, I hate talking on the phone before dates too. Much prefer to communicate by messages or e-mails (or possibly texts). It's not really about over-investing, just that I find it awkward and (on the one occasion I tried it) not a good indicator as to whether you'll get on in person. I'm so glad your date went well - it sounds promising!

Jarlin, I hope you hear something from Slow soon.

Minmooch, reading that has made me angry. How can people behave like that? At the very least, he could have sent a polite message saying he doesn't want to take it any further. I know it will be little comfort at the moment, but you're well rid of someone who can behave like that. I know how much it must hurt though.

I don't enjoy receiving a phone call and I dread making a phone call. Once I'm on the phone you can't shut me up

I don't like talking on the phone before a date either..no idea why, just uncomfortable.

oh! that's so interesting! i'm a yappy mare, so if i get a call will chat away, although it is easier to manage a text conversation, and the tel con is I suppose a way of developing fake intimacy without even changing your pants, so a step up for a game player if that's the agenda!

I won't dismiss non-callers then!

I wouldn't initiate the first call though...

I puzzle at myself sometimes :)

He replied.

He responded to a couple of things I said, and just said that it seemed I'd made up my mind and he was sorry, too.

I know it was the right thing to do, but it hurts so much.

I just don't think I was ready for it all, afterall.

I wish I had someone to hug.

Just me and the sloe gin...

Ah folk virtual hugs ! I am sorry , I'm glad he replied and it wasn't nasty.

Oh Folk, you sound so sad. Even when you know it's the right thing to do, it doesn't stop it hurting.

Have you got any friends you can talk to/see in the next couple of days?

Hug Folk x

Thank you for the hugs. I am sad.

No he wasn't nasty at all. He just said he feels really sad and a little lonely now. But not in a manipulative way either. He just sounded a little defeated. Horrible. I've never ended it with someone without having actually 'gone off' them before. I think this i why it's taken so long. I've known for weeks it wasn't right, but I couldn't bring myself to end it properly.

He said he was sorry I felt the way I did and he doesn't want me to feel bad.

We've exchanged a couple more emails. But he's not tried to change my mind. I told him I wasn't going to this time. I don't know, he claims to have been completely open and honest with me. I hope I'm not doing him a huge disservice. But either way, I'm not happy. I don't think I was ready for a relationship. I just need to be on my own now.

I don't think I'm going to do the feelings thing anymore. It's just too hard.

I'm seeing a couple of friends tomorrow.

oh Folk love you really have done the right thing, and yes it really hurts doesn't it?

I ended my last relationship after a year (ON our anniversary evening) after my boyf at the time said that he was with me because it was 'easy' and although he didn't see any future, he was being too selfish to end it himself.

Man, that blindsided me. so badly I couldn't actually deal with it for a few days, it was a horriible time, so painful.

it hurt for a few weeks, but got easier as each day passed.

you'll get through this chuck

When it's painful you do wonder if it's all worth it don't you? I don't know if I can risk the pain for the chance of something working sometime

Jarlin ooh, Slow knows what a mistake he has made letting you go you are in a bargaining position and have the right attitude, you sound like you are in a good place now.

Folk (((hugs))) its tough, I know. I ended things but it still feels so sad, even when it's your choice. I hate the idea of never seeing someone again when I have developed feelings for them. Even when the relationship is doomed to never work I still feel that I would be happier just to let it run so that I don't lose them completely. It gets easier though.

I have decided to just get on with it. I am talking to an "actor luvvie" and he is very funny, I like and he is very keen. He wants to text, I am holding back a bit though. Its day one, he is wanting my number. Seems too fast.

cat you got your kiss, whoop whoop, your thing with Walt sounds lovely.

Right, now I am off to read the rest of the thread.

Hissy I'm with you on the chatting thing. I like to hear a voice, gives me more insight I think.

Minmooch that's disgusting behaviour and just think that it's best you know now rather than later what a prick he was.

Well I had my date, he was ok looking, seemed to get on well. Asked to see me again this week. Logs on as I'd received message from another potential dater n my date was online. Fair enough so was I but noticed he added a few new pics that def weren't there earlier

Not that bothered as I'm not in right frame of mind at mo but still bizarre all the same if he supposedly liked me

oh Minmooch just read your update on MrSA, what a coward and an arse. I think sadly that there are men out there who make out they want to date and eventually have a relationship who in reality know that this is an effective ploy to pursue casual sex or one offs. Its deceitful and despicable, and it's a reflection on their character and not on us as unwitting and trusting people. This sort of thing makes me want to scream, its the C21st and plenty of women like sex on the same terms, but I think an absolute minimum requirement is honesty of intentions.

Jarlin I think you have done the right thing. He needs to understand that you are not going to be grateful for scraps of his time and little effort. He will either "man up" and get brave or do nothing. You are worth fighting for, if he doesn't realise this someone else will and it will be his loss, not yours.