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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 80

999 replies

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 15:38

As we were saying...

OP posts:
Justatoe · 31/08/2014 10:59

Louby ..probably not over 7 years. Hopefully I am different than when in my 20!

Think I have dodged a teeny bullet, in addition to thinking he may have snapped a waitress, ordered everything including drinks the same as me, and his reply to text this morning was 'sorry I disappointed you' WTF! Next!

dippinmytoe · 31/08/2014 11:06

Had date 3 last night.... went very well ... kiss at the end of it... All looks quite promising :-)

UrsulaBuffay · 31/08/2014 14:37

What did he mean disappointed you Just?

Louby reading it like that I think he's after another shag and will run away after again- don't do it!

OP posts:
louby44 · 31/08/2014 15:50

dipipinmytoe have you arranged to see each other again? Have you heard from him today?

dippinmytoe · 31/08/2014 16:17

Yes louby he has text several times, and arranged for next week ! non game playing, just straight forward

Justatoe · 31/08/2014 17:41

Ursula ...hmm not sure, bit odd anyway. I am really not high maintenance! Hmm

UrsulaBuffay · 31/08/2014 18:56

He sounds paranoid to me just

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 31/08/2014 20:44

just sounds like a bit of a needy game player to me. Definitely dodged a bullet there Wink

dippin That's fab! Glad to hear the date went well and no game playing. Fingers crossed for you...

louby I'd be curious, too, but I don't think men like that change. It's not as if he recognised you, messaged you apologising for being an arse the first time, and then asked if he could take you out to make up for it, is it?

Have you replied to/rung him..?

FolkGirl · 31/08/2014 20:55

I still haven't sent the email, just putting it off really, but it sort of feels a bit unnecessary now Confused

I got 2 or 3 emails from him last night just letting me know he was home after a day out and whatever. I was out with friends and got a little drunk... so replied, pretty much saying, "Glad you had a good day. I'm a bit drunk, but it's ok I'm with X, Y, and Z"

He messaged me this morning to respond to a couple of things and asked, "who's Z?" (the only male in the group) and then realising it was a friend of mine he knew, emailed again asking if it was him and said to say hello. And that was it. Haven't heard anything else.

I just don't believe that he has spend all day not interacting with another human being, so I'm just assuming now that he has met someone else that's the reason he's not bothering to get in touch. He did email yesterday asking if I want to go over to his for dinner next weekend. But given that we've been spending the whole weekend together since January, a dinner invitation seems like a massive backward step. And a long way to drive for dinner. The invitation last weekend was for dinner only. He didn't really want me to stop the night, I only did because I said I didn't want to drive back later the same say.

I just don't understand why he wouldn't just tell me. Just very strange.

UrsulaBuffay · 31/08/2014 20:56

How you doing folk? I had a good eating week and spoiled myself today back on it tomorrow. Have you decided when to send the email?

OP posts:
MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 31/08/2014 21:28

Folk Excuse me for being blunt, but I do think you torture yourself unnecessarily. I don't think your BF has met somebody else. He might have, he might not. Ultimately it doesn't really matter, does it? It looks like it's come to a natural end. There's too many pressures on the relationship and you both don't like each other enough to want to overcome them. So just end it and get some peace. It will be hard...it will be heartbreaking, but it's got to be better than this limbo, or than him ending it himself.

FolkGirl · 31/08/2014 21:28

One more from me.

I spoke to my exH this morning. He joined Tinder two weeks ago, started talking to someone he clicked with and they had a first date the night before last.

By all accounts it went really well - they stayed out talking all night and he didn't get back until the early hours of the morning.

Second date planned before the end of the first.

I've seen a picture of her. She's really attractive. And I mean really attractive. I'd have put her well out of his league!

I am genuinely pleased for him that he's met someone he clicks with. He has told me some things about her, she really does sound perfect for him! They sound really compatible in a way we never were. I'm not jealous, but I am a little sad that it seems so easy for him and so impossible for me Sad

I'm going to sound really disingenuous now, and I don't really mean to, but he's ok looking, not unattractive, but nothing special; he's about 4 stone overweight; he's got quite poor dental hygiene - I don't think he's been to the dentist in about 5 or 6 years, if not more; he's very funny, witty and charming and I can really see that people will be attracted to his personality; he has found a style that really suits him and he chooses his clothes well.

It's just a bit shit that he seems to be finding it all so much easier than me. I need to lose a stone or so, but I'm still in the 'normal' bmi range just ; I get my hair cut and coloured regularly; I don't wear a lot of make up, but I don't think I need to and people are often surprised when I tell them my age; I have also found a style that really suits me; I take care of my appearance; I do lots of hobbies and have a number of friends; I often get told I'm 'lovely'.

It just makes me sad that he seems to talk to one person and meets someone he really clicks with and he really likes, whereas I'm still single, still unloved and I don't know what I've done to deserve it.

I'm having a really tough few weeks at the moment! Grin

FolkGirl · 31/08/2014 21:31

MyChild I suppose now it feels like I've left it too long. I think he has met someone else, the last couple of times I've seen him, all the hallmark signs have been there.

So I suppose it feels a bit like if I email him now, he'll just wonder why I've ended it when it's already over. IYSWIM.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 31/08/2014 21:32

Men seem to have it tipped in their favour when they reach our age, Folk. But similarly, that's just his side of the story. She might be posting on here later for advice on how to let down gently the overweight middle-aged man who looked much older than his pic! Grin

FolkGirl · 31/08/2014 21:34

Ursula I'm not doing too badly. Not as well as I'd have liked though, I ate out most nights last week! Grin

Back to work tomorrow though, so I've got my breakfasts and lunches all sorted. All good and healthy. Pleased to hear you had a good week.

FolkGirl · 31/08/2014 21:38

Grin Maybe, MyChild. I would be surprised if someone like her fancied him or envisaged herself being with him for the long haul.

She's the sort of woman you see with very well dressed, good looking, fit men. The opposite to him!

UrsulaBuffay · 31/08/2014 21:47

Folk I understand, my ExDH landed himself straight into a relationship with a much younger girl which made me feel the same - how come it's so hard for me. But I know it will happen at the right time, then wasn't the right time for me.

OP posts:
gooeycookie · 31/08/2014 21:51

Hi guys how's it going? I've lurked a little bit but not quite up to speed.
Me & Mr Toyboy are done, it was with a heavy heart but definitely for the best, he basically drip-fed me info about a (apparently serious!) MH issue/s, and I tried really hard to be understanding (esp since I've suffered with anxiety & panic disorder) but he decided he couldn't be in a relationship with his issues & had an epic text meltdown to me about it. Apparently me asking 'do you like me?' Panicked him & he couldn't cope? Hmm
I mean, I'm naked, we'd just DTD I was feeling a little buzzy and perhaps vulnerable! Sorry for the ranty post but it's so hard to get my head around...
He shouldn't be on a dating website in the first place should he? I'm so upset Sad

Justatoe · 31/08/2014 21:52

People often put a spin on things or maybe don't read the situation correctly Folk - or he could just have got very lucky (from my experience of Tinder, very unlikely.

Had a lovely date tonight. ..not my usual type (but that could be a good thing!) & he has just texted to say thanks & would like to meet again. Smile

FolkGirl · 31/08/2014 22:08

Well that's what I thought, Just. What? He joins Tinder and within the first few hours meets his perfect woman?! I mean, it's possible, I suppose...

The only think I'm really irked about is that before meeting her, he'd told the children all about her and shown them a photo... Boundaries, Man. Boundaries!

FolkGirl · 31/08/2014 22:09

Glad to hear you had a good date this evening, too. Smile

Oh and I saw the photo he used. It was a good photo. But very flattering...

Justatoe · 31/08/2014 22:19

Folk If he found someone on Tinder who was single, not just after a hook up & lived with 60 miles he was doing very well indeed!

dippinmytoe · 31/08/2014 22:21

folk I too wonder how my exh gets his ladies , yes I fell for his charm but is everyone that daft ???
Send the email , get it over and done with, if it's over its over ! my holiday really rejuvenated me..
Date was great.. very relaxed .. He is a nice guy... maybe it's my time ! We both seem to want the same thing , so who knows !

knittedknickers · 31/08/2014 22:37

Folk, it just seems to prove how normal us women are to me! There are only a few men on this thread and they seem to meet gorgeous, stable women really easily and fall into these fantastic relationships. Yet here we all are meeting, well, oddballs....we are just soooo normal. I am trying hard to have Ursuala's philosophy. The time will come for us all when it's right!

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 31/08/2014 22:41

Folk Your latest update makes sense. He's in lala land! Or trying to make you jealous!

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