Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 80

999 replies

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 15:38

As we were saying...

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 30/08/2014 08:56

God, sorry, my posts are always so long Sad

My excuse is that I type almost as quickly as I speak!

FolkGirl · 30/08/2014 08:58

Nom keep talking to other men and keep yourself busy. I used to remind myself they were probably a bit of a dick IRL (I was right most of the time).

But it is hard. You only have to read the posts on here to realise most of us haven't worked out how to keep our rational heads on either. All you can do is keep posting on here so you don't end up revealing too much of yourself to them... Wink

FolkGirl · 30/08/2014 09:01

Jarlin I think he probably looked forward to seeing you, too. I think he probably felt all the things he said, but he just couldn't do it properly.

You do deserve better than that.

Can I ask you? I know you deleted his messages etc (I've already deleted texts/emails) did you also delete photos of him? I've kept mine in a folder on the laptop. But I have one lovely one on my phone. It upsets me to see it, because it reminds me of a lovely day, but it makes me happy because it reminds me of a lovely day... I just don't know whether it's better to almost pretend it never happened.

Justatoe · 30/08/2014 09:18

Nom Could you squeeze in a quick coffee meet sooner? I find it means less chance of you getting over invested by text?

BeforeAndAfter · 30/08/2014 09:21

That's two nights of no sleep thanks to my head swimming with the recent ex. Sometimes the urge to contact him is stronger than anything I've ever known. I'm bang in the middle of a period of time when we should have been away together. I've no idea if he went at all or went alone but my head and my heart are just with him on his adventure; and he might not even be there Hmm God knows what I'll be like on our anniversary. Hand on heart I've never experienced anything so hard in my life.

I have a huge adventure of my own fast approaching and I just want to tell him and share it with him. I won't and that probably makes the desire to tell him even greater.

So I prattle on here to stop my fingers texting him and making everything so much worse.

Nom finding your rational head and screwing it back on requires mega willpower and some. If you've just started dating you're going to be all fluffy headed and convinced the one your texting is the perfect man. If you can't meet him quickly you have a longer time to build up a picture of this man in your irrational head. You will build him into the best bits of George Clooney, Mr Darcy and Pope Francis all rolled into one. Try not to because the reality check says he's probably ten years older than his photo, has no teeth, looks like a potato and has a big fish in his car to whip out for every photo opportunity.

Minime85 · 30/08/2014 09:23

Hi all, thought I'd check in see how people were. folk sorry to read things haven't gone the way you would have liked. I haven't been able to completely catch up but I hope you've managed to send that final e mail.

dontcall good to hear you and blondgeeky doing well.

How's giggly

BeforeAndAfter · 30/08/2014 09:35

Folk recent ex and I had the same significant photo as the lock screen wallpaper on our phones [vom emoticon]. I knew I was on the way to recovery when I changed to a generic wallpaper about two or three months ago. I just couldn't delete that treasured photo from that screen until then even though we had deleted each other from our lives.

I have kept all photos. They're in my computer so I have to make an effort to see them. They represent a very lovely time in my life and when the pain of breaking up has faded looking at them will bring such joy. Rather depressingly I now have folders on my computer for each man in my life...

I know what you mean about typing fast. I went to a school where one choice was between typing and geography... it was a no brainer for me so I learned to type on an old electric typewriter, at school and practised on the manual at home (for the younger readers that's a manual typewriter, not typewriters for dummies Grin ). Dear Lord I'm bad today, prattle, prattle prattle...

Pinklaydee1302 · 30/08/2014 10:23

Before and Folk don't you also have songs that remind you of good times too. Even years and years ago certain songs remind me of past loves

FolkGirl · 30/08/2014 10:57

pink yes, of course. At the moment I only have music that reminds me of him generally, and that just makes me sad for what might have been at the moment.

That means that Corelli's concerti grossi and a particular lou reed song are killing me Sad

BeforeAndAfter · 30/08/2014 11:24

Yep - Just Like A Star - Corinne Bailey Rae and Christy Moore's version of First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. There's loads of others too. I was in a shop a while ago and this song came on which we loved. I just broke down there and then. I cannot listen to music at the moment though; it just reduces me to a molten mess. Post separating from XH music carried me through so much but not this time.

Jarlin · 30/08/2014 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jarlin · 30/08/2014 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeforeAndAfter · 30/08/2014 12:03

Jarlin he's back with his ex and I'm just not going there - heartache lies down that path. They had the most dysfunctional on/off relationship (as he described it to me) and if that's what suits him then good luck to him. I suspect they're more together now than they ever were and I'm probably the catalyst for that.

Unsettled is a good word for how I feel. I think it's the lack of sleep.

Nomchangeroo · 30/08/2014 14:11

Thanks for the replies. I did have a good chuckle at your comments beforeandafter and just the thought of him looking like a potato and the fish in the car is helpful for a reality check! Grin fingers crossed he doesn't look like a potato I could probably cope with the fish though
It's funny, I feel like I've been the one who's been less in touch, less available and am the one with the busy schedule which means we can't meet sooner (we live about an hour apart) . He's been exactly how I would hope: enough contact but not too much, no penis pictures or any hint of sex talk, just funny and interesting. I am a little worried he won't find me attractive but I guess that goes with the territory!
Sorry to hear of all the heartache some of you are going through on here, I'm trying not to get overly emotionally invested but it really is hard! I don't understand how men can move on so quickly either.

BeforeAndAfter · 30/08/2014 16:22

Nom he's sounding great already! I shall be praying to the god of non-potatoes to deliver a good one when you do meet up. I forgot to mention that should my prayers go unanswered then Mr Potato might be more Jersey Royal than King Edward when it comes to stature; a lot of chaps seem to think that the fairer sex cannot distinguish between 5'7 and 6' when faced with a real life man.

Well, I just completely broke down earlier. Timing could not have been worse as I have a sibling who now thinks I'm terribly upset about one thing when it's totally because of the recent ex... grrr

Sorry I'm in hijack mode.

Jarlin · 30/08/2014 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeforeAndAfter · 30/08/2014 17:40

Jarlin I do that whole dreaming thing too. I find my dreams about him are so vivid... I thought I'd all but got over him but in the last few days it's been really bad again and I think that's just because of where he might be now and who he might be with while he's there.

I'm flat out at the moment - I've been touring round family and friends and am just heading home so will be grateful to just chill tonight and, I hope, sleep the sleep of the just.

Jarlin · 30/08/2014 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nomchangeroo · 30/08/2014 18:54

Before I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I hope you wake up tomorrow after a good night's sleep feeling a bit better.
You're totally right about the height thing. I'm 5'8 so I pretty much know that anyone shorter than me in heels is not 6' and anyone shorter than me in flats is well, just short! I would mind less if they didn't lie about it. mr 'Italian stallion' 6' really 5'7
I did ask the guy I'm chatting with if his height was his actual height or his 'internet height' :-)

Justatoe · 31/08/2014 00:10

Nom that is a good way to check height! I wear some lowish heels & if they are shorter than me I just ask myself if I would be happy only wearing those shoes on dates!

OK need advice please. Pleasant enough date tonight (although think I caught him being bit short with waitress) but really not my type. He has already bought tickets for a concert next week!. Should I text him & say thanks for tonight but no spark? Seems mean to go to concert & tell him afterwards?

knittedknickers · 31/08/2014 01:21

That seems a bit presumptious of him, Justatoe! Did he buy the tickets before your first date presuming you would want to go? I'd say tell him you don't want to if you def don't feel attracted...but sometimes hard to tell after first date whether you really like them?

FolkGirl · 31/08/2014 09:28

just don't go to the concert unless you want to. Don't go just because you feel you should. Unless he just happened to have them, it would scare me off!

Justatoe · 31/08/2014 10:14

Thanks Folk & Knitted , I have sent a you are lovely but not for me text. Hate doing that Sad

knittedknickers · 31/08/2014 10:22

Good for you, Justatoe. Online dating is bloody complicated enough (in my experience) without going on dates with men you don't really like!

louby44 · 31/08/2014 10:52

just I think you made the right decision!

Last night I had a really strange experience. A guy who I dated about 7 years ago messaged me on POF. He didn't know who I was at first until I gave him a few hints.

It was during my seperation/divorce with my exH and before I met my exP, I had a number of dates with him but he was a bit of a mystery. He would refuse to text/email and only ring, I wasn't in a very positive frame of mind and I felt he messed me about a bit that wouldn't happen now but there was a lot of chemistry between us!

He was pushing for a shag and I did sleep with him once and after that (and a night of him snoring and scarpering first thing) I never heard from him again.

He obviously has better memories than me because he remembers coming to my house and having a take away and enjoying some 'good times' - his words.

He's sent me his phone number last night and wanted to 'catch up' but I said I was going to bed last night and left it!

He's just messaged me again and asked me 'are you going to ring?' lol....

I'm curious but men don't change do they??