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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 80

999 replies

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 15:38

As we were saying...

OP posts:
AndCatMakesThree · 28/08/2014 09:37

Jesy, are you applying for jobs in nursing? Is it worth phoning the animal shelter just in case they say yes?

I can't believe how nervous I'm feeling about my date tonight. I don't know what's wrong with me! It's like a nervous kind of excitement but I feel like my stomach's all tied up in knots! I guess perhaps it's because we haven't seen each other for a while. Plus the fact that we haven't kissed yet means there's lots of anticipation but also lots of nervousness around it.

dontcallmehon22 · 28/08/2014 09:47

Oh good luck andcat

Glad you're feeling more positive jesy

jesy · 28/08/2014 09:50

I am yes but not many a b out unless you count oap and not an adult trained nurse.
Plus, I'm wary of agency's after being conned out of 45 quid

Good luck with date,

FolkGirl · 28/08/2014 10:08

Cat Me, too. The limbo bit is hard. But I've tried to end it a couple of times now and he has talked me round with talk of how much he loves me, and he sees his future with me etc and I've been hopeful, I suppose. I'm realising that my boundaries aren't very good so I need to sort those out before I do anything else!

dont that's really good about blondegeeky Smile

Before it is making it easier. As you know, my biggest concern is not being 'good enough' and this is largely restricted to appearances. To have him make comments about me not being attractive hurts, but it is making it easier because I know that I'm not going to be drawn back in by anything.

As much as anything, it's not making me feel good about myself and that's no good.

FolkGirl · 28/08/2014 10:23

Just add, he's not 'horrible' and it's not been bad every minute if the time we've been together', even recently, but that's the thinking I need to get past; that it needs to be horrid all of the time to justify ending it. It's not, but it's not good enough for enough of the time and, intentionally or not, it's making me feel bad Sad

BeforeAndAfter · 28/08/2014 11:08

Folk breaking up is so hard. Few people enjoy hurting others and when you finish a relationship you know it will hurt both you and the other person. I'd be surprised if your guy tried to talk you out of finishing it this time but if he did then I'd start to lose a bit of respect for him as I'd think he'd moved into some bizarre game-playing territory, even if it's sub-consciously.

You know you are entitled to call off a relationship whenever you want and the only reason you need is that being in that relationship doesn't bring you joy any more. I finished my last relationship because, on balance, the unhappy times were consuming more of my day than the happy times.

I have no words that can help you with how you feel about yourself but in the end the two of you weren't compatible enough to sustain a relationship. That's 'all' it's about. It's not about your face, your body, his friends, his house.

It's so easy for me to sit here and say this but you have done so much introspection lately and for now you just have to step out of your head and quit thinking. Send that email to him. Word it so it's unequivocal and if he tries to say he loves you then steel yourself and just tell him it's over and be done. I actually think you'll feel better when you've done that to be honest.

Blossomflowers · 28/08/2014 16:16

Goodness this thread just gallops along. OLD is hotting up and talking to lots of men and could have date every night, but trouble is I just don't seem to fancy anyone.And the one and only one I did he found someone else more local. I message first have a good chat on the phone and if that goes well meet up for a drink. But I keep getting dissapointed, am I just being unrealistic and all the good ones are taken?
Well have date tonight, he sounds lovely, seems very romantic, something I am just not used to, but is a bit short so I have just noticed so that is putting me off, how bloody shallow. I do try to keep and open mind but height is an issue for me, how stupid not to notice

louby44 · 28/08/2014 17:40

blossom height is also an issue for me too! I too think it's a bit shallow but I like to feel small next to a man (I'm 5' 10") plus I like wearing heels!

Good luck for your date later!

Jarlin · 28/08/2014 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aliensloveunderpants00 · 28/08/2014 20:41

Hi all,

Following Folk's advice on my own thread to delurk and join you all in here Wink.

Having issues with a guy I've started seeing recently; amazing connection the first two dates (romance movie stuff), DTD on date three and since then we have gone from daily message conversations to over two days without hearing from him at all. I brought it up earlier today and he admitted that although he really likes me, very keen to see how things develop, finds me attractive and beautiful etc etc, he's hopeless at keeping in touch with friends/family and a crap communicator so I shouldn't expect any different and he will not apologise for being that way or ignoring me for two whole days Confused. I replied that I would be happy with just a quick goodnight message but he won't even commit to that ....I'm gutted as we had such a strong connection (and still do when together) but I know deep down that I have to bin him... Sad

I shall (sarcastically) name him MrTexterHmm. (link to my thread in case anyone is interested.... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2170440-Very-early-days-in-relationship-contact-how-often?pg=2 )

Anyway, off to catch up on the thread, back soon Smile

Blossomflowers · 28/08/2014 21:40

louby umm I am only5.5 but like to wear heels.I like a man to be atleast taller than 5.10 seems such a stupid thing to say but cant help feeling it is a turn off.
Just got from date, nice meal which he insisted he pay for, we got on really well lots in common, I think he is very very keen BUT I just don't fancy him, oh dear I just don't seem to fancy anyone. And just got home and checked messages and there was a message from someone I went on a date with a couple of months ago ( who was about the only person I did fancy) but he met someone at the same time and was local, seems that might of worked out but I feel like second best.

Justatoe · 28/08/2014 21:40

Back from date...just why ...nice guy, but:
Profile says 6'.... No,5'10" max
Profile says build about average...only if average is 5 stone overweight Hmm

Not things that I wouldn't notice straight away! Hasn't texted either, hopefully embarrassed

Blossomflowers · 28/08/2014 21:46

justa oh dear, did you say anything?

Justatoe · 28/08/2014 21:55

No... I just shook hands after a couple of drinks and said goodbye! Usually they say (in my experience) I will text you but he just said goodbye too! At least I look like my pics!

Blossomflowers · 28/08/2014 22:04

I find a lot of people do not look like their pics.

Jarlin · 28/08/2014 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SingleSock · 28/08/2014 23:29

Just logged onto POF for the first time in ages and seen that MrTall is back online Sad. I've been doing ok until now, just getting on with it and just hoping in the back of my mind that he'll get in touch but guess this is confirmation that he's not going to. It's silly really because I know he's wrong for me.

I cancelled my date with MrTall-1 but we've been chatting by message. I'm still not sure about him which just makes me think I was unfair on MrTall because I forced him to decide if he wanted to continue when maybe he was still making up his mind. I guess the bottom line is that I'm just not that into MrTall-1 in the same way MrTall just isn't into me. Does the fact that I'm still chatting to MrTall-1 make me as bad as MrTall?

knittedknickers · 28/08/2014 23:39

No, Single because you're not playing games with him, you're just being friendly.

SingleSock · 28/08/2014 23:44

Thanks Knitted. I guess at this point I wouldn't dream of asking MrTall-1 what he thought of me and if he saw a future as it would imply something about my feelings that just aren't there at this point. Whether he meant to or not, MrTall made me think he felt similarly when looking back, I don't think he did. Why am I still hung up on him? Sad

knittedknickers · 28/08/2014 23:50

I'm the same...it's so bloody ridiculous. I am faffing around having stupid teenage feelings for a man who i think is possibly a slimy player and yet i can't help but want to see him desperately. My friends can't believe i want to see this guy, they keep saying things like 'but why don't you go on a date with someone who is nice?!!!' I despair about myself - it was OK when I was 17 years old but not now! Hope you get over him soon because it's bloody horrible really isn't it? x

AndCatMakesThree · 28/08/2014 23:56

On way back from date 5 with Walt. I really like him...

SingleSock · 28/08/2014 23:59

I accidentally clicked on his profile when I meant to click on the messages thread. Not sure why I wanted to look. Anyway, he messaged me on there saying 'seen anyone interesting lol'. I just replied saying I was checking a notification which is also true. Think he was mocking me Hmm.

SingleSock · 29/08/2014 00:00

So glad things are going well with Walt cat.

dippingtoegently · 29/08/2014 00:58

Thanks all for your advice on Skier and on when to exchange numbers.. still not sure how comfortable I feel with that too early on.

Aliens I saw your other thread.. I agree with Jarlin - don't ignore this red flag. Sounds like it might be better to say goodbye now before you get more emotionally involved.

arrghh Single - I realised I was clicking on Skier's profile every single time I read a message.. he must think I'm a stalker now Blush

Tisahardlife · 29/08/2014 01:14

So sorry I've been AWOL, this thread moves so fast, and I just cant remember where everyone is up to.

Still thinking of Jarlin and Folk and hoping you will find a happier place.

Jese It sounds like you are going through absolute heartache, Single, so are you, it's awful when you are hung up over them.

Well I've had a couple of days of drama, I arranged to drive to and meet Mr Noshow who was a good distance away on holiday, this was last night, and we had got on very well over the phone and by text. However, he was a no show. I was very pissed off and humiliated and drove home. Since then he has been full of apologies about how his son spilled coke over his phone and it wouldn't work...etc etc, TBH I cant be arsed to tell you all his excuses. I refused to reply to his messages and calls until this afternoon, when I thought maybe he was genuine as he was trying so hard.

Anyway, I sent a message saying he could call me after 9.30pm, he was very grateful and did phone. We talked through what went wrong and how shit I felt and now he is meant to be coming to me to take me out for lunch on Tuesday.

But, I am also chatting to a younger man who in all honesty I have no interest in other than for distraction and possibly ticking off 'younger man' off my bucket list. Am I being totally unfair on both of them by feeling this way and being so standoffish? Neither would actually cross over with the other in a sex type sense, but it kinda feels like a protective barrior emotionally to not be investing, what do you think? Thanks