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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 80

999 replies

UrsulaBuffay · 23/08/2014 15:38

As we were saying...

OP posts:
AndCatMakesThree · 27/08/2014 19:37

Single, to me being a "sweet guy" just doesn't go with pushing sex talk. And has he tried to tell you what to wear on the date as well? I can understand you don't want to hurt him, but after one date you really don't owe him anything (especially given how he's behaved). If you really want to go on the date, then do, but otherwise just send him a polite message saying you'd rather not meet him again and wishing him well.

coffee, I'd be wary with this one. He might just really like the sound of you and be keen that you don't disappear, but sending a second message when you haven't replied within 15 minutes and checking up on what you're doing don't seem good signs to me, sorry.

AndCatMakesThree · 27/08/2014 19:38

Sorry, crossed posts.

Pinklaydee1302 · 27/08/2014 20:39

Coffee I'd give him benefit of doubt, you can always block if he gets too creepy!

I had a horrible date at the weekend, alarm bells should have rang as he kept trying to talk dirty to me.

Anyway picked me up in his clapped out old van n then asked if I fancied getting a coffee at mcd's drive through n sitting in van to chat even though we'd discussed going to a pub. Said no to that Hmm

We arrives at pub where he waffles on about himself for 2 hours, doesn't ask me no questions but did buy me 1 drink...waaaahey the charmer!Hmm

Drove me home started pawing me when came in for snog. Ewwww he was horrible and has seriously put me off especially when the conversation came round to the size of his cock n how he was 'bigger than average' yeah? And?

He was a big cock didn't find out if he had one Grin

coffeewithchips · 27/08/2014 22:51

Pinklaydee McDs drive thru, he was really pushing the boat out haha. He sounds like a real charmer.

I've been talking to the over-eager guy tonight, he's asking lots of questions about what my exes looked like and comparing himself to them. He is a bit intense and we haven't even met yet.

I've been texting a different guy for a few days, thought he was nice, then out of the blue he sends a sexual text about being in bed and wanting a massage. No idea where that came from as there has been no talk like that, only polite chat. Why am I attracting odd people?!

Pinklaydee1302 · 27/08/2014 23:37

That is weird Coffee, guys really do think with their crotch don't they?Hmm

dippingtoegently · 28/08/2014 00:07

sorry again for the delayed response.

Jarlin, thanks, I agree, I should't lead him on. Which is why I hinted at these factors during email conversation and was completely upfront about it when we met. He understood. How put off was he? I don't know. There are certainly mixed messages going on, and this is my own fault, but the truth is that is is complicated, and those factors aren't going away (ok, they are cultural / religious factors).

The problem is that I'm not even sure myself how I want to play this, but don't want to be hanging around forever while I think about possibilities or impossibilities endlessly. I'm fine with whoever, but there's all the other things that go along with a relationship (friends, family, work, community etc.)

Anyway, not sure whether to just have some fun and see what happens (which I'd quite like). Or be conscious of the fact that ultimately, this (or any other relationship) may or may not lead anywhere.

So - back to the fact that I like him - Minmooch, you're probably right - I guess he'll contact me if he wants to.

It would be good to know - if he didn't - whether it was because the chemistry wasn't right, or whether it just wasn't worth the hassle.

Beforeandafter, you're right too - I think just a friendship might be a bit strange here - probably best to either see if there's any dating potential, or just leave it.

Andcatmakesthree see above. Arrghh just don't know what to do. I think I'll leave it to him to be in contact if he wants. But, Duckedup.. he is pretty cute, and clever, and interesting, and thoughtful..

right, now I have to reread again to see if I can add anything useful to anyone else's dilemmas.

dippingtoegently · 28/08/2014 00:11

Pinklaydee sounds like you'll be well rid of McDs drive through charmer Grin

Coffee the clinginess would really put me off too.. think what he'd be like in an actual relationship. You'd feel totally suffocated.

dippingtoegently · 28/08/2014 00:16

one other question actually-

at what point do you swap numbers with someone?

Someone else who I had been chatting to on and off for a few days (since starting OLD) - I tried to put him off with mentions of my various complicating factors Grin but he hung on in there, and didn't get annoyed when I took a long time to reply etc.

Anyway, he seems like a nice guy so far. Wanted to meet up.. I came around to thinking that this might be a good idea. But he wants to swap numbers. Which makes me nervous. Once I've met him, maybe, but not before. What do you think?

BeforeAndAfter · 28/08/2014 02:42

Coffee I'm with Ursula, block and batshit seem appropriate words to me.

Single I'd be decidedly uncomfortable with seeing him again. I would never find it acceptable if a man I didn't know said that he couldn't help being aroused when siting next to me because I was so sexy. Where does he draw the line? I think he's trying to flatter you into that little old sack. Rumour has it that some blokes do that sort of thing.

Pink did you really get into a vehicle with a total stranger? If that was your first date I would honestly advise you to take more care with your personal safety. I've done worse but do take care.

Andcat I hope it goes well with Walt. Did you decide whether he's reading or not?

Dipping I'm normally cautious with swapping numbers as I don't want some nutter ringing me all hours of the day so I usually wait until pre-date (so we can contact each other if there's a problem); it also lowers the chance of building up too much of a bond before meeting. I have swapped sooner but this tactic failed miserably. I fell head over heels with one as he romanced me with lovely texts and then when I met him he was a 'no' in all senses, another just kept asking for photos and then that red chiffon dress bloke texted me his dream...

FolkGirl · 28/08/2014 04:36

Jarlin I haven't emailed him yet. I had a really busy day yesterday and didn't have time, but I have been feeling a bit vulnerable over the past few days, so I thought I'd give myself a bit of time in case his response was unpleasant. And also because the thought of being that final, and knowing that this time I wouldn't be talked around, is quite hard.

The longer time goes on, though, the more certain I am that it's what I want to do. I think I just want to detach a little emotionally first. I told him on Tuesday that I was feeling a bit down and so keeping myself to myself for a couple of days.

He emailed yesterday morning to tell me he was going to celebrate something last night. Previously, he would have said that he wished I'd been there to celebrate with him, but this time he didn't, and it read like a veiled threat somehow. I haven't heard from him since.

He has said a few things that have made it sound like there is a bit of game playing going on. Not deliberately, or even intentionally, necessarily, but more in terms of him doing something and telling himself, "if she loves me she'll do/say XYZ" that sort of thing. So I feel like I've been/I'm being 'tested'.

Hissy · 28/08/2014 07:48

Single wtaf? sex talk, when you've told him no, hard ons, pressure?

fuck that. can't you see this guy is a predator? you think if you started fooling around and only wanted to go so far that he'd hear you?

please wake up, this is so wrong!

BeforeAndAfter · 28/08/2014 07:56

Folk how sad that he's behaving that way. Hopefully his behaviour is making things easier for you in terms of your being able to detach to the point where you can send that email.

Don't did you see BlondeGeeky last night and, if so, did he dig himself out of his name change hole in a convincing manner?

Hissy · 28/08/2014 07:56

I agree with Before, Pink, meet in a public place, under your own steam. NEVER get into a car with a stranger.

clearly he was going to 'fumble' you in that car park. he tought he could feel you up for the price of a cappucino?

you are worth WAY more than that.

jesy · 28/08/2014 08:06

I know this isn't a dating post but I like you lot.
Just fed up, having a nose of fB found out a girl I worked with is now a nursing sister, three are pregnant or had kids in last year
There all these party pictures or wedding pics

It's just made me feel crap basically I have no bf no job ,ppl say do some volunteer work at animal sanctuary but to expensive to get there.
I'm living on charity of family but I can guarantee every day is same.
Sorry I'm just lonely I guess ,I have no interest in dating nth apart from the cost and effort a lot of my clothes are looking tatty I ca remember last time I had anything new.

Sorry just can see myself slipping in to a sort of depression

dontcallmehon22 · 28/08/2014 08:10

I did see blondegeeky. He brought it up. He said he doesn't feel comfortable on match anymore. I think he was hoping the namechange would trigger the discussion! It was aimed at me. We both decided to come off it. Oh and I'm going to his cousin's wedding with him in three weeks time!

I agree with the others pink you are worth more than that.

folk hope you're doing ok, have been thinking about you.

dontcallmehon22 · 28/08/2014 08:13

jesy sending virtual hugs. Maybe this is the year you can focus on getting your life how you want it and dating will wait till you're ready.

jesy · 28/08/2014 08:19

Dont

My life was sorted till I made a mistake at work , well nothing major but allowed some one to make their own choice .

dontcallmehon22 · 28/08/2014 08:48

You can get back there again. It sounds like you have had some bad luck recently.

AndCatMakesThree · 28/08/2014 09:03

Jesy, sorry to hear you're feeling low. Do you want to go back to the same type of work or start doing something completely different? Volunteer work at an animal shelter sounds great. Is there any chance they'd help you with travel costs if you're working there for free?

Don't, it's great that you've both decided to come off Match - sounds as if you really like each other.

Folk, that sounds very hard for you. Personally I find the 'being in limbo' stage even worse than something being definitely finished, but I can understand that you don't feel ready to take that final step yet.

Pink, I agree with the others about not getting in a car with a stranger. I'm also confused about why you invited him in for a snog when you didn't like him.

Dipping, I usually swap numbers once we've arranged a date. I don't like to do it before then.

Before, thanks! I'm really nervous, even though it's date 5. It doesn't help that we haven't seen each other for nearly 2 weeks. I still have no idea whether he's reading this thread or not - will just cross my fingers that he isn't and be a bit guarded in what I say on here, I guess.

jesy · 28/08/2014 09:08

I want to go back to nursing other wise I've wasted three year of my life training.
I don't think they would pay travel which is a shame
It's amazing how ppl soon loose touch when you don't work in same area.

Pinklaydee1302 · 28/08/2014 09:20

Andcat he more or less lunged at me ! Yes I agree was foolish getting in car and I agree def worth more.

Don't awe sounds good with blonde geeky hope it works out for you Smile

lottieandmia · 28/08/2014 09:21

If anyone sends me clingy messages I block immediately without a second thought. You should do the same if people send you sexual messages if you're looking for a relationship. People who send sexual messages early on are on dating sites to mess around, or even to find someone who will do kinky stuff with them.

lottieandmia · 28/08/2014 09:22

Don't - I'm really glad things are going so well with blond geeky Smile

dontcallmehon22 · 28/08/2014 09:32

Thanks lottie and pink. I'm pretty happy. He texted this morning to say he was smiling going into work.

jesy · 28/08/2014 09:35

Tar guys
Feel a bit better after getting it off my chest plus Mr IT texted this am his charming text said

Get out of bed , walk the dog, I promised I'd help you loose weight so do as told

It made me laugh x

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