twatty things I don't miss about my ex...

[confusedNC]

Some of us need reminding what we're not missing and also need cheering up. So I'll start...

1. Making his feckin packed lunch every day, even when I'd been up all night with ds because it was 'the least I could do' apparently. Oh and having to think of inventive healthy options cos you were overweight but then you did have a car full of choc wrappers and crisp packets.

Insert your own here.....

Not being capable of wiping his arse properly, (seriously, you're 25 wtf) and me finding stray brown streaks on the bed sheets.
Snoring, seriously, f-off. And it would be ME that had to sleep elsewhere - lose some fricking weight and then there'd be a lot less pressure on your chest you fat shite.
And his vindictive, manipulative mother who in the end, was the reason why he left me, because listening to mummy and keeping her happy was always top priority.

I don't miss;

• him picking his nose, roll it up in a ball, store it under his nail and then eat it so it looked like he was biting his nail.

• him standing bollock naked and run his index finger all over his chest and fat belly gathering up lint and dead skin and then eat this.

• his really annoying embarrassing laugh which was ridiculously loud and sounded like he had something caught in the back of his throat.

• his horrible slumped round shoulders

• his baggy horrible jeans that made his arse look baggy and badly fitting

• his desperate attempts to impress anyone and everyone with his 'adult' conversations. We were only 18 at the time but he'd talk to my posh uncle about articles he'd read in The Economist and the like thinking this made him look very intelligent whereas he actually looked like a precocious little dick.

• him belittling me for being common as muck. Was once told in front of a room full of his family that I 'speak like I'm from the gutter'

• his weird hand gestures that remind me so much of David Cameron. Think palms out flat, fingers bent right back.

• his atrocious spelling and grammar yet a ubiquitous insistence that he was really intelligent and cleverer than me.

• him calling him nan 'nana'. Sorry if this causes offence to anyone, it turned my stomach for some reason.

• him saying 'hows you' to people. Again, no idea why but for some reason this turned my stomach.

• him not being able to hold his drink at all yet insisting on always getting absolutely bladdered and then nine times out of ten throwing up on himself.

• him always going on about how I needed to change to stop being so jealous and insecure yet visibly checking out any other vaguely attractive girl within 100metres and cheating on me twice. IS IT ANY FUCKING WONDER I'M INSECURE?!

• his website which he set up years ago to give advice to graduates in his field despite the fact that (a) it's full of spelling and grammatical errors (see above), (b) he only just scraped at 2:2 in his degree and (c) he doesn't even work in that field now, he's a salesman.

• his posting details of our sex life online in the early days of social media. I don't mean like details but he'd post hints about the fact that we were probably going to spend the afternoon shagging. He still does this with his new GF. The difference is we're nearly 30 now.

God, I've just read mine back and I sound like a right superficial cow!!

Although having said that, I did forget that he also didn't wipe his arse properly and do used to leave skidders everywhere. When we'd 69, he never liked lying on his side to do with so he used to be on all fours over me with his bollocks hanging in my face. Also, right at eye level with his winnets. BOAK

Loving this thread, and some of them seem quite familiar.
I don't think I ever want to live with a man again, can some of you please reassure me that you found nice ones to live with after this? Please? Anyone

HannerHet I found a nice one to live with, I promise. He has many habits which I'm sure others would find annoying but I love him anyway despite them.

DH's annoying habits make me want to flick him in the naked legs with a rolled up tea towel and tell him to shut up. My ex made me want to burn all of his flesh with scented candles, stuff couscous in his ears, saw off all of his fingers and bury him alive in the back garden.

Love MN.

Thought of my ultimate 'was I really with that arsehole for 8 years???' Moment....

Very dramatic, quick and VERY painful birth of dd2. All very quick and obviously my body was in a bit of shock. I was holding baby about 30 minutes after. Started gagging and heaving and said I think I'm going to be sick. He looked at me with scorn and muttered "drama queen". I then puked all down myself and the bed. He sat and watched and I had to ASK him to take the baby whilst I cleaned myself up.

Thank god he's someone else's problem now.

brownkim: If you read back through the thread, I said we were all married to one 'cloned' man!! Well mine had the same issue with wiping- the help (housekeeper) once came to me and said she would stop doing the laundry if this continued (soiled pants with poo at the age of 26) Can you believe it?!! And I stayed with the Jerk for almost 20 years!!!!

brownkim: Are you sure we were not married to the same man????????????????

1. How whenever he had a cough or cold it was worse than everyone else's but he would 'battle through', even though we would catch the same cold/cough because he would leave piles...and I mean piles of dirty tissues and toilet roll around the house.
2. How he could pick up his dirty clothes and take them down to the washing machine but would step over the children's or mine and when asked to pick them up would carry them like the mere touch would cause some tropical disease.
3. F**king hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of, whatever was his latest obsession, around the house. During twelve years together this was bikes and bike bits, boats, computers, books, the list was endless.
4. Drawers full of electrical plugs and wires which might come in handy one day.......they never did and the day he left I bagged them in a huge black bin bag and gave them to him to take with him.
5. The need to consume five Weetabix every morning because needed the energy. he was a teacher not a bloody miner!
6. The way he interrupted me when I was telling a story or joke to correct or change the ending.
7. Never being able to put anything away.
8. Never feeding the children, if he was left with them over a meal time. Despite making himself a meal...apparently they didn't need anything unlike him!
9. Spending hours on the internet playing stupid games...incidentally that's how he met OW in the end!

10. How everything was about him and his needs....what we ate, where we went, what we bought, who we saw! 11. Making lists of things to be achieved during weekends/half terms/summer holidays. These lists also extended to the pros and cons of holiday destinations, possible cars to be purchased, anything electrical etc.

but now I'm free!

On a roll now.......

12. The disapproving look when I applied make up.
13. boxes being kept for electrical items incase they needed to be returned. Never returned because he sold most damn things when he got bored with them
14. Having everything second hand, in terms of furniture, but spending way too much and boy stuff!
15. Spending hours walking round car boot sales looking at bikes.
16. Moaning constantly if the kids needed anything.
17. The ebay obsession
18. Realising he blamed me for not going to days out with family because 'it wasn't my thing' when I had never been asked and I would have gone!
19. Not liking my family and making it obvious. To the extent that you wouldn't even let my own brother be in the same room as my children alone.
20. The constant speeding when driving, blaming the other drivers and shouting at the children if they made a noise in the car because it affected your concentration.....you were a crap driver, its wasn't everyone else it was you!

and finally...
the most boring of sex lives imaginable!

think I'll finish there

His drinking that resulted in puddles around the toilet base where his aim was poor, him barely able to stand by the end of the evening 70% of the time, pulling stunts like climbing into bed with my Mum when she was staying and ordering her to move over, same thing with my brother, wetting the bed , stinking of alcohol every morning with eyes hanging out of his head.

Constant "jokes" at my expense - thank you MN for educating me and confirming I wasn't a humourless bitch

Interrupting me constantly and generally loving the sound of his own voice

Jaw dropping hypocrisy , one rule for him one for me

So full of himself about pretty much everything although I now realise that actually he is very insecure

Never a word of praise about anything to do with me but constant expectation of him being appreciated , complimented

Just overall being a selfish, conceited drunken pig

How picky he was buying clothes, but never getting enough that fitted his enlarging belly. Then stripping to wash the clothes he was wearing plus his expensive running shoes (he hardly walked as it was).

Another ex, the noise he made brushing his teeth. I don't know where that came from and he didn't even close the door.

My first marriage - pretty well straight form school (how stupid was I?

He used all my salary to add to his coins and medals collections, payments for his MG. Doled out the meanest amount for 'housekeeping' and moaned every time I had a bath, because of the hot water I was using! I used to get up at 5 in the morning, while he was snoring in bed, so I could have a proper wash. I got a new job which came with 'Luncheon Vouchers'. He insisted I give these to him, as his job was 'far more important' than mine - and I could take a round of Marmite sandwiches to work instead. So stupid and cowed was I that I gave in to this.

I eventually saw the light after a couple of years of marriage - being forced to eat a Christmas dinner while he stuck the business end of a twelve bore shotgun in my left ear persuaded me!

The way he fastens his belt so tight and pulled his pants right up.
Same with shoe laces, pulled so tight they met in the middle.
Eating his toe nail clippings.
The big blob of snot always hanging from his massive hairy nostril.
He rotten front tooth.

Lighting a fag the moment he woke up, even before getting up to pee.

Never even saying thank you for all the work I did on the house (owned by his father, no rent, I paid most of the bills...)

Saying he wanted me to go out / have my own friends etc then the sulking / ranting / rage if I did. I didn't realise how bad it had been until my next partner sat me down and explained, very kindly and gently, that I didn't need to ask permission to go out.

The broken promises and lies.

Having to sleep on the floor in the hallway until I was forgiven for the latest failing. Failings obviously never identified, nor ways to atone for them. The biggest failing presumably beng my lack of psychic ability.

All my Ex Ex. The Ex is a sweetheart, we're still good friends. So glad I didn't marry the Ex Ex.

Oh yes, nose-picking. He would ask me a question, I'd turn to look at him, and as my eyes went up to his face his finger would reach up to his nose, dig around quickly, then he'd flick it to one side "discreetly". Even after I pointed out that I found it sickening, he continued to do it.

oldgrandmama, shotgun??

Yes, I only just spotted shotgun on a re-read. ?!

My ex was an emotionally abusive twat, so obviously I don't miss the general emotional abuse. But the one thing that still gives me throat-clenching rage when I think about it was the way he used to open his mouth really wide and chug a pint glass full of squash (NB:secondary rage at drinking 'squash') in three gulps.

I vaguely remember him alluding to thinking that being able to drink a pint of liquid quickly was 'manly'. And the way he used to do it was really affected. It just made him seem all the more pathetic.

God he really was a twat.

Hallowed - my dp does that and it freaks me out! Not the chugging, but he will take a HUGE swig, and swallow, noisily, in about 3-4 gulps. So he has mouthful of drink that is too large to go down in one. I don't know how he does it - i couldn't do it. (dainty sips!)

His huge nostrils and the hair that hung down from the covered in snot!

Walking in, rubbing his cock and asking 'you want this' er, no, no I really do not.

Constant drinking and occasional coke habit.. Gambling. Closet racism, sexism. Emotional abuse and manipulation.

Farting, constantly. Honestly, not only was he full of shit, but windy also.

Sky pissing Sports on constantly. Hate it, got rid as soon as he walked out the door.

Him on Facebook all the time, chatting up women and thinking I was stupid. I weren't allowed on Facebook.

Me driving him everywhere, all the time. He lost his license, drink-driving.

Him sitting drinking beer, watching football and totally ignoring his son, my step-son. I took dss out to get him away from his deadbeat dad! (Dss no longer sees his dad, but still comes to see us)

Him using sex as punishment for things i did that annoyed him! The sex was crap.

Being very loud, very sweary, very rude to people and just having to constantly explain what the hell I saw in him.

Love this thread. :-)

Sorry for double posting but HannerHet, Sorry, I have stayed single for 2 and a half years now, that man put me off men for life! I wouldn't EVER want to live with another, I am very happy with me, my kids and dog, hamster, fish and hopefully cat on saturday. No room at the inn anymore!! x

Love this thread. Always cheers me up
Him lifting his arse cheek the one nearest to me to fart. At least aim it in the other direction smelly.
Never going up to the bar when it was his round. Bumming fags and money off me. Getting me to do all the travelling. Tightwad.
Scratching his arse in his sleep so vigorously it woke me up all the time but not him.
Thinking he was the life and soul of the party when actually he was an alcoholic who regularly pissed the bed with his tiny cock
Dandruff and hairy nostrils but beyond pleased with himself thought he was a real smoothy with the laydees

All different guys. I can pick em.