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Original poster

For those who have followed my SIL threads, things have gotten a whole lot worse and I am so upset...

167 replies

Northerner · 19/09/2006 14:45

Deep breath.

So SIL asks me to ahve her kids 3 weekends in a row for sleepover, I say no, we'll do 2. 3 is too many.

She gets upset and speaks to MIL. MIL tells me SIL is upset. I am cross, MIL tells me to let SIL calm down.

Have spoken to SIL today who has called a meeting for me and her at her house tonight as she is upset and dissapointed in things I have been saying to MIL about her. What MIL has told her God only knows. Yes I have moaned about her in the past, but so has MIL, so why has she been stirring the s**t?

Have phone MIl she denied all knowledge and called us silly little girls, said she's sick of being in the middle and 'she'll see me around sometime'

I am so upset at work, and now have to face my SIL at her house tonight.

What a F**k up.

OP posts:
Bozza · 19/09/2006 14:47

Why do you have to face your SIL at her house? Wouldn't it be better on neutral territory if you really have to meet.

Why is your SIL upset? And why can't your MIL have the kids if she is so bothered.

Also where is your DH in this?

Blackduck · 19/09/2006 14:49

Sorry, I wouldn't go to the meeting - what are you? a naughty little girl being summoned to the heads office?! I'd say you aren't willing to be summoned in this way, and will discuss it when things have calmed down...

MrsApronstrings · 19/09/2006 14:49

how come you're in trouble for offering to have her children two weekends in a row? that can't be right surely

TheBlonde · 19/09/2006 14:49

I wouldn't go
Ingore the silly mares

TheBlonde · 19/09/2006 14:49

oops - I meant ignore

Twiglett · 19/09/2006 14:51

OK if you don't want it to get a whole lot worse this is what you need to do

Right now ... go and have a walk / cup of tea .. anything that'll put a bit of distance between you and the emotional state you're in

Then come back and write down

  1. a list of everything that you're doing for her
  2. a list of anything that has upset you about your relationship

then

  1. a list of everything she's doing for you
  2. a list of anything that you have done that might upset her

then walk away and come back and we'll sort it out

SSSandy · 19/09/2006 14:52

So she knows you've moaned about her to MIL because she found out whilst she was moaning to MIL about you.

Stand-off in my eyes. Unless she's been taking your kids for sleepovers and you owe her one, I'd call and say I'm not doing it. Any time she wants to drop round and have a chat with you, she's welcome. Who needs all that?

ComeOVeneer · 19/09/2006 14:56

I agree, I also wouldn't go. If my SIL called me to a meeting like that I would hit the roof, who does she think she is???

oliveoil · 19/09/2006 14:58

nobody calls me to a meeting unless it is my boss and even then my bottom lip would be out

why don;t you lke her? Sorry have missed this.

Does MIL like being in the middle and feeling involved, maybe she likes you two fighting?

lovemybaba · 19/09/2006 14:58

Hi Northener,

Who the hell does your sil think she is!!! What are you, some little kid sister that she can boss around . You're a bloody grown woman for crying out loud. I'd tell her I'm not having them (sorry). Does she not know that when you ASK someone to do something you will get 2 answers, YES or NO. Therefore she should have had a plan A and plan B.
Anyway - what is your DH saying about this?

Original poster
Northerner · 19/09/2006 15:05

I know all my friends are saying don't go tonight. I've already said I will. Surely it looks like I have something to hide if I don't go?

I do like my SIL, we have been quite close in other areas. Yes I do maon about her. They go out alot/away alot and put on me and MIl to have their kids, she organises things and you can't say no, she has you round for dinner and expects you to always return the favour, she doesn't work, has 3 clenaers. ironing ladies, 6 hols a year but always complains he is tired. It pees me off. I have said this to MIl, she always seemed to agree with me.

MIL is also supposed to be picking up ds from school tomorrow and Thursady, that's probably not going to happen now.

Dh is totaly supportive but don't think he appreciates seriousness of this. He thinks it will blow over. From phone call I got impression SIL was saying our relationshi is over but we need to handle it correctly for our dh's who are brothers.

What a mess. Sorry for rambling.

Twig, I will do list. That's a good idea. Just need to think straight first.

Shit I'm at work as well. Good job I love my collegaues and they are so lovely.

OP posts:
wartywarthog · 19/09/2006 15:09

erm. i'd definitely not go. she's asking you for favours - she's not in a strong position here! if you really wanted to make the shit hit the fan you could refuse to take them for any weekends and tell her to sort her nonsense out. she sounds like a spoilt brat! and it probably is best to keep your mil out of this one.

wartywarthog · 19/09/2006 15:10

sorry, cross-posted.

wartywarthog · 19/09/2006 15:11

well you could say you're not comfortable going to her house and ask to meet on neutral territory. why should you schlepp all the way over there? she can make an effort too.

Bozza · 19/09/2006 15:11

Ah I thought she was your DH's sister not his brother's wife. So your MIL is her MIL and not her Mum as I originally thought. Hmm I am sure someone will come on here with the right words for you to use to explain that you are not going tonight.

Why would your MIL not pick up your DS now? I would get your DH to ring her tonight to confirm arrangements.

sorrell · 19/09/2006 15:14

Don't go!She sounds mad.

lovemybaba · 19/09/2006 15:19

Sorry babe, but your SIL is a SELFISH cow! How bloody ungrateful. Tell you what she needs to do is take you and all the kids (her incl.) on holiday.

If I were you I wouldn't go. Sorry, but it sounds like she is trying to bully you! I thought that she was your DH sister!

BUT if you do decide to go, let us know. I'm sure there are plenty of us here on MN that would love to come to back you up!

oliveoil · 19/09/2006 15:21

Do you have to have dealings with her? Just be polite on family functions and ignore the rest of the time?

SSSandy · 19/09/2006 15:21

She's telling you your relationship (to her) is over and she wants you to trot over to her house so she can tell you all about that

At the same time she is expecting you to keep her kids the next two weekends

Look, don't be a mug or a doormat. No need to get into an argument, just make a quick call, say you've changed your mind about tonight and under these circumstances you've decided you won't be taking her kids in anymore. Don't give her a chance to get going, just say bye and hang up.

Original poster
Northerner · 19/09/2006 15:28

She's already told me that the kids will not be coming to me for those 2 weekends. She has made other plans.

Olive, yes I guess I could jut be pleasant to her at functions. Who the hell needs this in their life? But it would be awful I must admit.

She is controlling and manipulative at worst, and expects others to do for her, she is easilt upset/hurt and like to make others say sorry to her.

But she does have good qualities to.

I am going to hers tonight. Her dh is out tonight so it is a chance to talk face to face, I will tell though I don't appreciated being summoned. She also said 'they are dissapointed in us' FFS.

MIL has done one hell of a good job here. But I know loads of stuff that MIL has told me about them that they are unaware I know. I may well just put teh cat among the pigeons here.

OP posts:
MadamePlatypus · 19/09/2006 15:28

She sounds like a complete drama queen going from one person to another in search of an argument. Why do you have to have a meeting with her at all? How could anybody be cross with anybody else because they refused to look after their kids? If you have agreed to go tonight go, but try not to get sucked in. Can you invent an excuse to leave at a certain time? (half an hour after arriving?)

lovemybaba · 19/09/2006 15:29

YEAH ! I'm with SSSandy all the way!! Don't even let her get a word in.
That'll give her time to reflect on her bad attitude

FloatingOnTheMed · 19/09/2006 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 19/09/2006 15:29

you have a choice

take a lead from her and allow your relationship to be soured and all future family occasions times to be dreaded

or

try to be an adult and rise above it, seem to listen and appreciate her pov but make clear your own

I know which I'd choose

CarolinaMoon · 19/09/2006 15:31

have just done a quick archive search as I hadn't seen your other SIL threads.

What struck me was the fact that she and your BIL moved from London to be near you. It sounds like she's come to rely on your help as part of the relocation package iyswim.

I think it would be a shame if you fell out permanently, but she is asking far too much of you atm.

Why can't she come over to your place if she wants to talk?