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Original poster

Dating thread 79

999 replies

louby44 · 13/08/2014 16:47

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

OP posts:
UrsulaBuffay · 22/08/2014 11:33

Yes folk I'm starting a diet now too because I've come to realise that it is actually for me, so then I can't blame that if someone doesn't want to be with me. All wk my head has told me 'see no wonder he doesn't want you he'd be ashamed to show you to anyone, he just uses you like they all do they don't need to fancy you to shag you' and round and round and round. I wish my head would stfu it goes from wild confidence to complete shame in about 0.2 seconds

FolkGirl · 22/08/2014 11:39

Ursula You appear to be in possession of my mind.

But that's ok. You can keep it. I want a new one that works properly..!

And please don't take this as a criticism (because it's really not, I genuinely want to know) how do you cope with watching porn if you don't feel great about yourself?

jesy · 22/08/2014 13:16

Folk

He not an arse like my ex when I said I was struggling with food he hugged me and said you not done anything daft my ex reaction would be I don't want that around my child.

He called me darling in the night lol said he was sleepy but I know he cares.

Jarlin · 22/08/2014 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeCool · 22/08/2014 15:01

Hello all - I'm slowly starting to think about dating again. I will be well prepared with all the knowledge I have picked up from MN Relationships and I feel more confident in myself than I have done in years.

Question for those who have DC and do WWW dating - do you use dating for parents type sites, or do you use the more general dating sites? Where do I start?

Original poster
louby44 · 22/08/2014 15:10

jarlin yes he text me earlier to say hello so I told him that I felt that I couldn't take it further as there was no spark (I couldn't tell him he's too short, he isn't, I'm too tall)

He replied that he was disappointed but thanked me for my honesty and we agreed to say hi if we are ever at the same Meetup event!

Still in daily contact with Mr Morrison we text before we go to sleep, 2 hours sometimes and I've spoken to him twice on the phone this week. But it's such a weird situation. He wants to continue to lose weight before we meet. We've decided to meet on the 8th November. The date is set!

OP posts:
UrsulaBuffay · 22/08/2014 15:16

I don't think it makes me feel unattractive Folk, it doesn't help at all though but I've found myself using sex as a coping mechanism since my marriage ended and I think I'm addicted to it in every form. It is something I have to work on it's not done my self esteem any good at all, I just found it was something I could find easily that have me a temporary high.

FolkGirl · 22/08/2014 15:17

BeCool I didn't use parent dating sites. I didn't know there were any! I just used Match. I signed up and then just went with the flow...

louby At least MrMeetUp was gracious about it! And, you're right, the situation with MrMorrison is a weird one. But hopefully this could have a happy ending... You've already met so you know the chemistry was there, and for you both to want to wait and be in so much contact... It kind of has a good feeling about it...

UrsulaBuffay · 22/08/2014 15:18

My one thing I have to 'offer' is that I'm 'sexy', when men look at me they don't see beauty per se like some of the others have said but I'm often told in sexy, so I suppose I thought bugger it then if you're not gonna look past that I'm going to be the best I can be at that. It feels so empty now and I wonder why they don't want to 'keep' me.

FolkGirl · 22/08/2014 15:26

Ursula Hm, sorry to hear that Sad and not the answer I was really hoping for. Although, I don't know what I was hoping for. I think I'm just trying to look for ways to improve my self esteem and wondered if that might help. Somehow.

I didn't use it as a coping mechanism, but I had a virtually sexless marriage and since so many men seem to see it as 'normal', I suppose I wondered if I should adopt a "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" attitude. But I don't think that would help either.

It sounds like you're in a pretty bad place, too Flowers

UrsulaBuffay · 22/08/2014 15:30

I am and I've only just come to terms with it really. Being 'wanted' by several young gorgeous men had made me feel attractive and wanted but in reality they don't want me, I'm a notch on the bedpost. I think I did feel I was taking control and when I have sex I do feel good but I honestly think I have been meeting them because it's a way of being held, kissed and hugged and complimented. That's not healthy I don't think, having sex with someone for the company!

Blossomflowers · 22/08/2014 15:42

ursuala can I join in. I can identify with what you are saying. When I came out of a long relationship last year ( which was sex less for years) I had sex with several men I met OLD, at the time it made me feel good about myself, that I was a woman again, but none of them really wanted more than that. I has left me feeling a bit sad and regretful but what is done is done. I am now trying hard not jump into anything and taking things a lot slower. I am beginning to realise the lack of sex with X was not me but his issues.

FolkGirl · 22/08/2014 15:44

Ursula That's so sad to read. You're really no different to me. But in a completely different way. If that makes sense. Only I don't really know what I have to 'offer'.

I'm not attractive, I'm not sexy. I get told I'm sweet and lovely. And men don't want sweet and lovely. Not when there's 'beautiful' and 'sexy' around. I'm sure I feel safe and dependable. They seem fairly sure that I won't cheat on them...

I've said this before on another dating thread, but I had a friend once who was very sexy. Not slim and beautiful, but attractive and definitely sexy. I was always the mousey friend in the back ground. One of our friends once said something like, "don't worry. She's the sort of girl men want to fuck. You're the sort they want to marry".

Great. So I'm not the sort of girl men fancy or desire. I'm the sort they want to cook their dinners and wash their clothes. I'm the sort of woman who gets cheated on with 'sexy' and 'beautiful' women, while they're confident I'm at home being faithful...

My boyfriend has said that I'm beautiful, sexy and that he fancies me. But I don't see any of that. I don't feel sexy. I feel big, wobbly and ugly. I feel like he's taking the piss by even being with me. I don't understand his motivation.

I wish I'd never met him, to be honest Sad

FolkGirl · 22/08/2014 15:49

Ursula Your last post is so sad Sad

Blossomflowers · 22/08/2014 15:50

folkgirl sorry I feel like and butting in again, though we have chatted before. I think that is one of the saddest posts I have read but kind of know what you mean to. I am almost to scared to meet anyone nice as I would be too scared to feel anything. Was let down so badly by X think I am scarred deeper than I thought

Handywoman · 22/08/2014 15:52

Still deleriously happy with my upcoming date tonight with MrSwoon. We spoke again at lunchtime re arrangements. He makes me laugh and I can't get enough if his voice - what's happened to me?????? My bezzie mate came straight round this morning to talk outfits etc. OMG!

FolkGirl · 22/08/2014 15:53

I think the other thing with my friend was that she didn't even have sex with these men. She had very high self esteem and valued herself greatly. But it amused her to watch them fawn all over her and fall over her every word to be near her and have a chance.

She could be a bit of a bitch to them too, but they all came back for more...

I'm the one they wanted to sit and talk to... Sad

FolkGirl · 22/08/2014 16:02

Blossom Hi. My exH is coming round this evening to go through the CBT stuff with me.

I hope it works but I'm scared. I had counselling earlier this year and it was great while it lasted, but it had to end because of work, and I've just been left with a lot of very raw but unresolved issues now.

But the bottom line is, I know what I look like. I have mirrors. And no amount of 'therapy' is going to address that.

dontcallmehon22 · 22/08/2014 16:12

Bit tearful now. I didn't text blondegeeky since Wednesday. He sent the last text, but I assumed he'd confirm Friday today. Went out without my phone. He texted saying he assumed I didn't want to meet but could I do another day, as he'd really like to see me. I messaged back to say I did sit want to meet, but in the three hours since he'd texted me, he'd offered to babysit for his sister.

He said he did really want to meet me again etc. I'm a bit gutted though. Don't know what to do.

FolkGirl · 22/08/2014 16:21

Oh that's bad luck, dont.

However, if I may find a silver lining to your cloud...

He wants to see you again, and you want to see him.

And he didn't go off in a huff when he assumed you didn't want to meet and askedif you were free another day.

So, whilst it's disappointing, it's also somewhat reassuring.

Isn't it?

Why don't you know what to do? What are your options? Are you worried he isn't really interested?

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 22/08/2014 16:22

I'd have assumed you didn't want to meet if you hadn't replied to my last text on Weds! Just firm up the next date, and reply to his messages more I guess? I don't think all is lost! Smile

Blossomflowers · 22/08/2014 16:24

folk but you know men find you attractive those mirrors a playing games with you.
dont this is the problem with bloody texting, I am beginning to hate it.

I went on a date last week with let's call him mr Music, we had a lovely evening, bought me dinner, had a bit of a snog when I invited him back for coffee. We exchanged several text and he want to see me again well tonight actually. I confess I am not sure. But he wants to me to go to his city and I have DS 14 out and about not happy to be that far away from home. It is about 20 miles so only way I can organise it if he comes here. Should I say that or am I being selfish. What do you think?

dontcallmehon22 · 22/08/2014 16:28

I am so insecure after geeky, I'm talking myself into him not being interested. I suggested Tuesday or Wednesday for a meet, so let's see if he comes back to me. I'm so upset because I was looking forward to seeing him. I play it v cool with men I like, it's my way of protecting myself, but blondegeeky is insecure I think.

Blossomflowers · 22/08/2014 16:33

dont I do the same if I like someone, I almost act the opposite and give off negative vibes, I am an idiot. But so out of practice, after being in a relationship for 20 years.

dontcallmehon22 · 22/08/2014 16:34

It's so hard. Hopefully it's salvageable.

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