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Original poster

Dating thread 79

999 replies

louby44 · 13/08/2014 16:47

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 20/08/2014 12:57

My (male) friend who has done online dating loads has just said that I should keep going, my luck will change. I somehow doubt it...

dippinmytoe · 20/08/2014 12:58

I too have pulled back on messaging etc.. once upon a time I would have been hovering over the phone all day wondering about every text . Now I'm just leaving it.. I think since my holiday I feel much more refreshed and not anxious at all... I am having date 2 next week with Mr b ( I met before i went away ), he is now away ! so next week it is .. looking forward to it , as he texts , is not over the top, and was actually better in reality than his pics !

dontcallmehon22 · 20/08/2014 13:00

I doubt my luck will change. I've resigned myself to it, but I can't wait to be in a relationship before having sex, I've decided. I'm tired of living like a nun. So I'm just going to see what happens with blondegeeky, but if he's looking around I will too.

dippinmytoe · 20/08/2014 13:07

I know what you mean about living like a nun dont it's not nice ... but since my holiday I have totally relaxed about everything and am not stressing about meeting guys etc. If it works with Mr b great but if not I might suspend my account for a bit and have a break.

Jarlin · 20/08/2014 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UrsulaBuffay · 20/08/2014 13:11

Agree about chasing - all I've ever done is chase and it's got me zip. The guy I crush on knows I like him and I can't do any more than that, if they're not that into you they're just not. It's making me feel at a loose end but I'm not gonna chase anyone again either.

dippingtoegently · 20/08/2014 13:13

Wow conversation moves quickly on here..
and dippinmytoe - apologies for the very similar name - I had no idea. Obviously we were thinking the same thoughts!

So, to give a brief background - I was married for 10 years. Separated 2 years ago - now divorced. Had one relationship last year that lasted for a couple of months (we met through mutual friends).. it was nice while it was there but he wasn't right for me.

I have 3 dc so not the easiest starting point..

And this is my first venture into OD. Any dating really actually.

I joined one of the big sites a couple of days ago.. no-one of interest yet.. apart from one man...

He wasn't an exact 'match' but his profile landed with me anyway.. and it looks very promising!.. but I don't know.. I know I will just be a disappointment to him.

We've had a few messages back and forth and are finding out a bit more about each other. But I need some help from all of you and your experience.. how much to share? how many messages / how much time before you arrange to meet? etc etc.

thanks :)

UrsulaBuffay · 20/08/2014 13:13

Think I need to live like a nun for a bit- I never go longer than about three or four weeks usually with sex and I don't think it's normal, like I was trying to empower myself by playing them at their game but I don't want to be a player I want to get my self respect back.

UrsulaBuffay · 20/08/2014 13:14

I hate Match Jarlin I got barely any interest and only dated one guy. I've come off everything bar tinder and am just not logging onto that right now, it's for when I need sex and I have phone numbers for that Wink

dippingtoegently · 20/08/2014 13:15

btw also thanks.. lurking on this thread for a while has definitely helped.. I knew immediately to block someone else this morning :)

dontcallmehon22 · 20/08/2014 13:15

I start having sex dreams if I don't have sex for ages.

UrsulaBuffay · 20/08/2014 13:18

Hi dipping, I think we all agree not to spend too long chatting before meeting as it can just be a big let down and you get attached to an idea of someone. Don't think you'll be a let down to anyone - you are the prize

gottafindaman4yagirl · 20/08/2014 13:18

I want a relationship and all the bedroom perks ;), I am not needy and have a busy Mon-Fri as I am a carer for my son, just want something to look forward to in my free time and someone to share things with again.

My last date was very good looking but had issues, I don't regret dtd with him. I have so little experience and confidence since split from a relationship i was in from 18, I needed to see if i could do it with someone new.

Do you think men are put off women who have children, I like to be honest from the start but don't want the fact that im a Mum make them think I am desperate, children are not baggage.

I love my kids but they spend every weekend with ex so my kids and dates are separate.

lottieandmia · 20/08/2014 13:20

I personally would not want a relationship with a man who could not be interested in my children. So if it put them off then that's a good thing for the long term. My last boyfriend loved my children and would have done anything for them.

dippingtoegently · 20/08/2014 13:29

Hi Ursula, thanks for the advice. That's basically what I was thinking. I mean, we're not ready to meet up yet, but I would want to quite soon, if the messaging carries on like it is, as I am getting quite attached to the idea of him.. and I think he is with me too.

I know I can't get hung up on the idea that I'll be a disappointment, but I can't help it. This is also why I want to meet.. at least he'll have a better idea, and if he doesn't want to take it further at least I'll know early on.

Gotta - I don;t know if this was the right approach but I have been completely upfront about having 3 dc. It's on my profile and it also came up within the first few messages with this man (I'll have to think of a nickname!).. I said that his dc were a bonus, as are mine. If anyone is put off by that I figured better to know that at the outset. I do think a lot of men would be put off, but if they are, then why delay it? It would only cause problems further down the line. I could be wrong.. I don't know. Like I said, completely new to all of this.

gottafindaman4yagirl · 20/08/2014 13:30

My kids are very important to me so whoever liked me would have to be right

for my kids.

I do really miss the sex, my ex would deny me it and it made me feel unattractive but a year on I feel happier about myself. Is it normal to use dating for a leg over in the early stages of od.

What is Tinder?

dontcallmehon22 · 20/08/2014 13:32

I agree with dippin - best they know at the outset. After all, you can't put the dc in a cupboard and pretend they don't exist.

gottafindaman4yagirl · 20/08/2014 13:33

Your right dipping, Honesty is best from the start.

lottieandmia · 20/08/2014 13:34

Regarding children, though. My view is that if someone is my age or older and doesn't have any kids of their own yet, then they are probably the type that doesn't particularly like or want kids of their own and therefore won't have much to offer mine.

There is a site for parents though - has anyone used it? I would be happy to date a man with children. But I like other people's children as well as my own and if I liked the person I'd be interested in the kids iyswim.

dippinmytoe · 20/08/2014 13:35

If they can'y handle you having kids, they are not worth bothering about. I think you have to be honest about having kids... if you say you have none and turns out you have children , it is a big shock.
no problem dipping on name .. great minds think alike :-)

dippingtoegently · 20/08/2014 13:41

Exactly - this man (ok, let's call him MrTall :)) has one dc. He is clearly very attached to her (obviously) and brought her up in conversation as he thought I would be put off.

tbh like I said, I saw this as a bonus, as he clearly understands what it means to be a parent - the fun, the responsibilities, the fact that you don't have the time all day to lie in bed talking endlessly about whatever.. It gives a massive perspective that others would;t have. Obviously there is the big challenge - if ever things got that serious - of trying to blend families.. but that's way too far off for me to even be thinking about anyway!

I had this with the guy I was seeing last year - he has 2 dc. Whilst I couldn't see us all living happily ever after (it would mean 5 dc under 7!!) HAD he been the perfect man for me, we could have made it work, and it did make him very supportive, as he knew what I was going through and was also great fun with my kids.

dontcallmehon22 · 20/08/2014 13:46

I think men with kids do understand more. I think I'd like another child though, so I tend to date men without dc, or it'd just be too much.

UrsulaBuffay · 20/08/2014 13:46

My preference would be for a man with kids, part of the reason I'm crushing so badly on this guy is he has them and can't have more - ideal for me on a practical level. I don't want more for certain and it's hard to find someone who isn't over a certain age who will be happy with that long term.

Dipping I think we already have a Mr Tall!

UrsulaBuffay · 20/08/2014 13:49

When you add up all the stuff that has to be right - chemistry, distance, kids, practical stuff and feelings - it's just bloody impossible!!

gottafindaman4yagirl · 20/08/2014 13:57

One of my kids has a lot of difficulties, asd. I don't look at this in a negative way but it could put some dates off because my home life is not conventional or plain sailing. I also have a crap filter for what I say, think I can be too open because that's the way I am, pretty straightforward.

I also love kids but if I don't want more in the future, do you think I should mention this if I get past a 2nd date ?