Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

Explain to him see what he says but I too look rough n would probably not wanna go

Any bloke who'd get the hump about you postponing a date because you're sick probably wouldn't be a good long term prospect anyway.

As long as you say 'it's not you, it's snot' or something.

Ok guys I know it's a fwb situation but still want to look decent but not sure what to wear for a casual dinner with his mates it's in local pub so walking so heels out

I know I left the thread. But I'm in tears and need support.

I'm so fragile after geeky. I've had three dates with blondegeeky and he's been lovely and attentive. Seeing him Friday and it was looking likely that we would dtd. But I had an impulse to check online and he was on there .

He has viewed my profile a lot. He texts lots and hasn't gone distant or anything.

But seeing him online has made me want to retreat.

Hi all, I do feel a bit of an impostor here as i mainly just read your posts with great interest, having just begun od. i first want to thank you for all your support after I expressed my anxieties about my date on sat, for which there was a massive build up. You were all very helpful and made me feel strong! And Vintage, your essay on the issues arising from od is extremely interesting. Much of it already rings true for me! Sat night was totally different from what I had expected. The guy was seriously tiny, despite saying his height was 5 foot 7 on his profile. I was quite taken aback. He also looked much older than I had imagined and somehow fragile. He was very sweet, but vulnerable. I have to say I felt sorry for him, as well as quite touched because he was very complimentary. We did kiss, but he really didn't do it for me. However, I agreed to meet on Thursday, thinking I would give it another go, but with doubts. Then last night he texted me aggressively, asking me if I was still chatting to others on pof (which I was ). I openly explained that I was still talking to others, to which he responded angrily, asking if I was a time waster. I have now said I don't want to meet again because I found him controlling. Surely we are not committed after one date? What is the etiquette here? I would be very grateful for some opinions! I feel really sorry for him, but also feel that really there is no point in meeting and that I resent the tone he adopted when he was challenging me.

Going from what I've read on here, and sheer instinct, it's as well he's shown his true colours. One not particularly great date does not exclusivity make.

Thank you abigamarone! Well put!

Don't - sorry you are upset, three dates though & you knew he'd been online because you were too. It's a non issue, really. Trust it a little further xx

I wasn't looking though, I was checking. He's been online for an hour now. I just feel like it means he's only after sex, is clearly looking around and I should back off now.

I don't think that's fair, we always say that we aren't exclusive til we have the talk. You can't really expect someone you've literally met three times to not browse around. I know it's not nice and I know there's something of the sweet trolley about it. I would take it as forearmed- don't rush into dtd, be aware he is maybe not so bowled over as to have quit the site (if he had wouldn't we say he was over keen and red flag it?) sometimes I think the guys on the thread must think they can't win. I do know how hurtful it is, I am going through similarish except I have less of a reason to be upset, only I still am because I like him. He's the first you've liked since he who shall not be named I think so you're feeling vulnerable. That's normal. Maybe pull slightly back from the imagining the future (I do this, not sure everyone does!)

I wouldn't expect him to quit the site at all, just maybe not to be browsing. I can't see any good coming from this.

Mind you geeky the first was online right up till we dtd, then he stopped.

I know that I browse even when I really REALLY like someone, because the fact is they may not turn out to like me and it may all turn to dust. So I couldn't criticise anyone else for it. I see what you mean though my 'crush' will be online constantly and I know from chatting to him that although he's chatty in RL online jet like pulling teeth so I so wonder wtf he's doing for so long

*he's

Not jet!

He did say he sensed I was super cautious and that he was here when I wanted him and he hoped he got to see more of me. He's arranging dates on the date and to all intents and purposes is behaving as if he's very interested. I don't think he knows how I feel at all. On dates he knows I like him, but I am guarded. The sexual attraction is so strong that realistically I am going to dtd and then I'll be hurt if he is playing around.

I would initiate the exclusive chat, but it seems anti Rules. I've played it v v cool so far.

I think there's a different chat you can have prior to dtd though. I mean if he's as sweet as he sounds, maybe let him know that dtd would be a game changer for you. Don't put yourself in the position of getting hurt because of sex and chemistry. If it's gonna be a relationship that can wait til you're happy he's not playing.

I kind of talked about that and he said he can't do casual sex either. Then on our last date we both jokingly but v obviously implied that it would happen on our next date. So he knows the score there.

Then next date, prior to the dtd, chat about it again? I know it's weird and it doesn't guarantee anything but he can't say he didn't know then

Good idea. I really feel he does like me, but they lie and I trust no one after geeky.

He called me an enigma on our last date.

I think for men casual sex is hook ups and one night stands not sleeping with someone they're dating, but I don't think sleeping with someone they're dating is as meaningful as it is necessarily for women. It's not a definite green light for a relationship.

It's possible he thinks you will disappear on him or aren't ready in that case so can we blame him hedging his bets at this stage?

I did say if I have sex I get attached and if I don't get attached it means I don't fancy them! I said I can't do fwb. I always feel that once I start over analysing, it's doomed.

Then he knows you'll get attached and maybe that's what he's waiting for he sounds respectful

I mean I don't see any red flags and I'm glad you told him that

You're right. He can't work me out and is hedging his bets. I barely text him. He texts daily and I reply. He told me he was mirroring me and that he would text more, but he knew I was cautious. He said he didn't want me to think he wasn't interested, because he was.

I'll let him see a bit more of how I feel next date.