Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

He's just text me some 4.5 hours after my last text, again just answering the question I asked in my last text with a bit of extra detail. No attempt at conversation at all. What's the point? Think he's just keeping me on the back burner.

Single stop messaging him, in your head just think you've put a stop to it. Take back control x

Singlesock, remember that you are worth being chased after. Let him text you next and if its short and sweet just mirror his response, if he feels your losing interest he may think twice and either ask you on a date or fade away and if so, he was not meant for you. Easier said than done but we must be the ones being chased. I have had my emotions rocked by my last date and I lost control of my emotions, actually ended up in tears last week.

It is so disheartening but it's so true what Vintage says.

Mr swoon has been online all night and not once messaged me despite saying he was going to

There's my answer....

Tomorrow nights date has asked to postpone. This is second time, haven't replied yet but think but will leave it. Last RL relationship postponed first date, then did so more often with time. Don't have time for flakes.

Thanks for the advice everyone . I have tried morroring his responses for about a week now and taking my time to text back, if I text at all but it's made no difference hence me thinking he's lost interest.

So the update is, I rang him and just asked him outright. I apologised for having to do it by phone but I asked how he thought things were going. He stuttered and stammered that he thought it was going ok and had enjoyed it to this point. BUT, he had doubts over my ex's involvement and was also feeling nervous at the prospect of having another relationship and the potential for things to go wrong. I said I felt similarly but that also I felt he was losing interest. He said he had just been busy and didn't think he'd acted in a disinterested way. It was all quite an awkward conversation really but I thanked him for allowing me to be upfront.

He's since text to apologise for making me think that and he will think about things while he is away and let me know what he wants when he is back.

So, I am glad I raised the issue as I was going a bit mad but I'm not exactly happy with his response. I think you either know or you don't so I've got a feeling he doesn't want to continue but is buying time to tell me that. Perhaps it's even that he just wants to see how things go bit I've pushed him to think about it more deeply although I think I'm entitled to ask since he's set this up as looking for a relationship from the off. We'll see anyway.

Men are cowards Simple and will do anything they can to get out of dumping someone.

I'd go out on dates and act in your mind like it's over anyway.

Can I join in?

Joined POF. A month ago.

Almost a year since knob face dumped me for yoga lady.

Lots of traffic on POF. Quickly met one guy, 3 dates but although we fancied each other, not much in common. After 3 rd date he tells me he thinks I'm not ready , and further character assassination stuff

Met up with guy 2 - dead nice one- lonely I think. Took me to nice cafe/bars and an art exhibition in a bar which turned out to be less 'erogenous art' and more gay porn. Quite an amusing evening.

Met guy 3 - a lot in common. Long date - ended up going for a curry late night...dropped him home , he asked me to do it again,... And nothing ... Not a dicky bird since then (Saturday). That's fine.. It's quite funny

Saw guy 2 this evening for a couple of hours. He mentions on passing a friend he met for coffee today. Turns out it's knob faces ex- wife! She's been on POF an met guy 2 earlier on in the year. Couple of dates and stayed in touch. I can't believe it. It's totally thrown me.

And after each date , with all 3 men, I've been in tears. Usually the minute we've said goodbye. They've tried to kiss me. I've been all weird and clumsy about it.

It's ridiculous, I want to get out there and meet men but I freeze and physically push them away if they want to kiss/ hold hands. I'm 44 FFS.

Is guy 1 right? Am I just not ready? It's not right to compare to your ex is it...if only you were taller/beardy/wore that aftershave...

I've booked a session with my Relate counsellor - ended in May - but she said I could catchup anytime. But she can't see me til sept . Hence I'm posting on here. Please be kind.

Single, well done for having the balls to call him. I think you know it's not going to go anywhere though, and no, it's not fair on you to keep waiting and hanging on while he thinks about it. Painful as it might be, let this one go and get dating again. You want someone who can't wait to spend time with you and who thinks you are great.

I think the whole text mirroring is a bit of a red herring really. If someone's text habits change in a negative way, it's unlikely you can reverse that by doing the same back to them. It all gets a bit mind gamey and stressful and uses too much emotional energy. Not worth it.

Redundant, I'd say the first guy is right, not because of your date but just your user name on here and your reaction on dates. You know the is no shame in bring single, right?.you don't have to put yourself out there and get back on the horse, or other crap things people say. There's nothing wrong with bring not ready. If I were you, and I have been there, honestly took far longer to be ready for anything than I gave it. Then I would leave it for a bit, do some stuff for you, rediscover old hobbies, do things you forgot you loved. Spend some time healing. That's no bad thing and more likely when you do date that you find someone more suited to you, who's a better match. So, it's win/win.

Pink, I know it's disheartening, wish it wasn't true either, like I said, I've learnt the hard way many times over. Many, many times over.

However, the plus side of knowing all this now is dating is far less angst ridden, far easier. If I have a date and he says he's going to message me buy us online for 4 hours but doesn't, then I just leave it. That's me done. Over.
I would used to send a cheerful text, stalk for ages, try and work out what was going on, try to pretend it was ok, was ever so happy when he sent me a short message at some point because it meant he still liked me. Fool that I am :)

So, the disheartening feeling should be balanced put with some knowledge and empowerment, and it just means you don't waste time on people who aren't worth it, ultimately being a good filter for idiots so you can concentrate on the good ones :)

How fast does this thread move!!

Haven't managed to have any sort of serious talk with my BF. Trying to work on my issues but I think I might be too broken.

Cheers. My user name is 5 yrs old from when I was actually made redundant on mat leave. Just CBA to change it.

Spent the last year recovering. Counselling. Anti depressants. Doing my hobby. Generally having a 'fallow' year as I call it. Sorting my house, garden, took my kids away on holiday and festivals , made new friends . I'm fairly unrecognisable.

I thought a year would be long enough . Am
I really 'not ready' or it a just a bit of a final barrier that I need to push through? - as my friend thinks .

Plus meeting a guy who has , earlier in the same day, met with my ex's EXW totally threw me. It's a big bloody city and I thought will I ever f'ing escape him.

I enjoy the dates, am sociable and chatty and all that .. I can see them wanting to stay out longer .., all that's fine. It's the awkward bit at the end of the evening when they launch in for a kiss . Pah

It wasn't a slur; but there's nothing wrong with no being ready, or feeling uncomfortable about being physical. I wouldn't force yourself if you aren't feeling it.
That's just my view, everyone's different.

Cheers, no I'm not feeling it. But guy 2 wants company for gigs, theatre and galleries and I'd really like to do all that. But it's the hand holding stuff.. It just feels so uncomfortable ... Let alone kissing. He says he's happy for us to just go and do stuff as friends rather than nothing at all. But is that fair on him? I've told him to keep looking on POF and then he gets the best of both worlds.i don't really know what I'm doing.. Floundering about...but doesn't everyone?

Redundant it sounds like you want companionship not romance or dare I say sex. Probably not fair to agree to dates in that case. How about Meetup for something different? There are none in my area unfortunately, I'd love to make friends ( that aren't weird )

Are these 'Meetups' that people mention organised by a particular dating site or do you mean just social groups like Spice, etc?

Will check out Meetup, thanks

The thing is, I loved sex with my ex . Didn't really discover how brilliant sex was til I met him. So it's not like I don't want it ever again.. But it's hard to take a compliment and snuggle up to someone when I think they just want to get into my pants so quickly and not get to know me . Of course my heart is saying ' I just want him back' which is completely ridiculous . And I need that thought to go away .

redundant how many times have you seen these guys?

I'd not be comfortable holding someone's hand on a first date, much less kissing them I don't think.

Yes it will take a bit of time for you to be ready, but by doing what you're doing that'll get you ready.

It'll be ok! Promise!

SingleSock, wow I take my hat off to you, you are a brave lady! I could never have done that. I struggle with all this talking about the relationship. I really do hope this work out the way you want. But I can't help feeling that this man is cooking your head. My feeling is that he wants validation from knowing how you feel about him but isn't capable of reciprocating. Not because its you, but because he can't for some more general/emotional/psychological reason. I would get out and date while he is away.

gigglygirlygirl yes, but how was the weekend? did you have fun? How was he? try to just enjoy it. I am like you, I struggle to raise the subject of the future, but sometimes I think it can work to our advantage. Men often like not having to open up, and answer questions they as yet have no answers for.

Everyone I just want to say a really big thank you for holding my hand, keeping me sane and all the great support I have found here especially Jarlin who very early on made me feel welcome here.

I am off, I feel that things are working out and going in the right direction. I have met my match. He is now doing the emotional stuff, given time I think men often do. He is everything I want. So, I don't want to jinx it and feel dishonest talking about him here.

Good Luck all, will check back from time to time because I shall be thinking of you all.

Cheers hissy. One of the guys went in for a kiss and a hand hold on first date...

The second guy waited til date 2 ... We were walking home from a bar last night and he sort of cornered me up against a van for a snog. I actually stopped him. What ever happened to a bit of eye contact and going in slowly.. Mutually.. For a kiss. I don't need ambushing. I get that he's keen and maybe a bit nervous but sheesh!

But guy 2 really hasn't put a foot wrong and he's gentle and sweet and likes stuff I do and we dress similarly. I'd like to just slow right down ...

Lucky you LBM good luck!

Some of these posts are really helpful at putting my experiences in perspective - one guy last week asking for a date, exchanged quite a few texts, arranging an evening then nothing, not another word. It was unsettling, but clearly not uncommon and something I'll get used to.

I'd appreciate others' thoughts and a bit of advice on something else too. There's another guy, quite local, on paper sounds fine that has asked to meet for a drink this week. I've now developed a stinkin' horrible cold. Do I go ahead and met him with the lurgy or put him off. I don't want him to think I'm just a timewaster but in no fit state to charm anyone right now.

No, don't go on a first date with an horrible cold - just tell him the truth. Everyone gets I'll

Abig,

I get alot of blokes saying they want to meet then message me their number and give it "call me". Which I think is bull, if I like the guy and have been chatting then I put the ball in their court and give them my number. Think some men just get a kick out of the idea that a women would go on a date with them.

So many pof blokes exchange messages and then disappear, like I said something odd. Cant figure these men out

I hate going out and socialising if I feel rough, plus I always look crap when I feel crap, red running nose. If he is serious about meeting you and is a decent bloke he will understand and you could ask if the following week would be ok.

Either way good luck with date.