Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

What are his conversations like though when you are together. Some people are not good on the phone or texting.

Wise Mnetters...guy have been chatting to has postponed first meet for second time both times apparently good reasons

Asked to keep chatting & rearrange but am torn..seems good prospect but doesn't bode well.

Thought about sending light text back saying fine get back in touch when things settled & I will see what am doing then.

What do you think wise ones?

Littlebluemouse,

you are describing how my last POF date was acting, all keen messages had a date and i was keen on him. Since then he has blocked me, unblocked me, sent messages all week right up to yesterday. Today he blocked me on POF again. This bloke is nuts or like you put it "tactics designed designed to make you vulnerable or malleable". Have a feeling he will pop up again and start to text me saying how great I am, will remember that this is all rubbish and he is toying with me again.

Folkgirl,

You mentioned CBT, have you tried 5htp which is a natural supplement which I have been taking for 3 months and its made me happier and more positive regarding myself. I Was a mess after my marriage broke down and was very depressed and felt like I was stuck in misery, drank a lot of wine to numb my emotions and loneliness. But with the 5htp and eating super healthy i feel better about myself and took up exercise and started to dress nice and even my ex and family say I am happier and lost 9 pounds in weight.

Before I was not looking after myself and was going over and over in my head why I could not make my marriage work and I felt like I was not worth anything to anyone because I felt like a failure in my life, I felt unattractive and cried all the time. I still have a long way to go with myself on a emotional level and self worth, OD makes me doubt my worth sometimes and I don't know why I got so upset over my last date treating me like my ex did and I was actually letting it happen.

I am worried that I will go for the bloke that is similar to my ex and end up trying to fix up that person, the type that wants a caring woman but without the passion...I want a man to want me. Its crap because i was so attracted to my last nutter of a date and I think he knows that and was playing me.

Its like us women need to be able to read a blokes mind because they will string us along and think nothing of vanishing and leaving us guessing what went wrong.

Has anyone gone on a date with a bloke who from pictures is not your usual type but on the date there was attraction, is it best to only go on dates with blokes you find attractive straight of?

I'd imagine if you go back online he will reappear from nowhere. With this type of behaviour I think he is possibly not that into the idea. What I've learned over the past year is they talk utter shite.

I think you should always meet someone and not judge them solely by their picture. In reality the whole person will be what you find attractive or not. IME people look better in real life also.

lottie, when we're together he's fine and quite affectionate. I don't think he's bad on the phone as initially he'd call me and his texts were more frequent and he was actively trying to engage me in conversation. It's like now he knows I like him, he doesn't want to know. Ego boost maybe? Or well versed player?

gotta, the first date I went on was someone I didn't think was that attractive. In RL he was much better looking and I loved his sense of style and mannerisms. He was too keen though so I didn't contact him again. I sometimes regret being so hasty but think it's been too long now to get back in touch.

Singlesock

My last date was very eager to date me, then after our date and dtd, he was so sweet and complimented me for days in messages, then suggested we be friends. I said no thanks and he was upset. I fancied him he said he fancied me so why be friends. He text me all day on and off yesterday, i should of ignored him i know. Today he has blocked me on POF, he has made me feel so anxious since our date.

I feel like you, i just want to know where I stand, does he like me after our date, yes....then lets go on another date and see what happens.

I don't think its a lot to ask for honesty but I think men like to keep on OD and keep options open especially if they have a battered ego from past relationships. My last date was kicked out by ex, cant see his child, ex had him arrested and now he lives back home with his mum, I am very excepting and don't judge straight away so why are men so quick to get cold feet.

I don't think, going on experience from my last date, that you can tell on frequency and quality of text, the guy who was texting six times a day with lovely text and conversation has just blocked me on POF.

Going to punch a pillow and imagine his face on it.

Wow gotta, he sounds like he has real issues to say the least! What is it with men and their head fucks?! Just be straight forward FFS! Love the pillow punching idea though .

This is the other thing about him, he says that he doesn't feel confident and despite doing old for quite a while, has been on relatively few dates so he says. I keep reading the drama queen thread and it's screaming in my face that he's just not that interested but I guess I don't want to accept it just in case I'm being unfair and I'm wrong. The only thing I can do as LBM suggested is back right off and give him some rope. I'm not moping by any means, I went out last night and had interest from a few guys but didn't pursue any out of respect for Mr Tall. I guess the fact that there's been no exclusive conversation can work both ways though . It's hard not to let rejection debt your confidence but actually, I'm very eligible and if he doesn't want me, I'm sure there will be someone who does .

Gotta - I expect your 'date' blocked you because you didn't respond in the way he wanted. I think some people just like to control other people - it's like a game to them.

Singlesock, you sound like your a good person and like me you want to give them the benefit of the doubt and be fair. I backed off but the nutter kept coming after me. He mentioned that he read a book called the game which is for men dating. Think he is playing a game, my sister keeps telling me that I am georgous and need to be confident about this. My ex never gave me compliments but now we split he now notices that I am more outgoing and dressing how I want to.

Got a nice looking guy messaging me on pof so who knows I might meet someone who will genuinely be into me, best not hold my breath. Men do get scared quickly, and rejection is my big anxiety trigger

We need to see ourselves has the ones who should have men wanting to get to know and be with us, be eager to keep our attention.

Time to remind ourselves that we are the prize.

Lottie, the bloke is Confussed and maybe he is after inflating his ego, from what I gather his life is complicated and my life is not, I just need to learn to avoid this type of guy. Last three dates all very similar men with almost identical problems

I don't do the sex talk stuff and avoid the blokes once they ask my fantasy, I told one guy my fantasy was a man wearing makeup and fishnets while hoovering, that got rid of him :)

Gotta I must try that one.

Jarlin, yes he chatted to me this morning via the website as he must have seen I was online but nothing mentioned about another date

It's always the same for me, the ones I like don't seem to be that bothered for me...just feel like I'll be dating forever!

Have a nice break Folk

Hi!

I have recently joined pof, but judging by the responses I'm getting I think I might be doing something wrong !?

Lots of Mr Potato Heads, plenty of men in their late 20s sending messages (I'm 43).

I did get talking to one guy who kept calling me babes (yuk) I had an inkling something wasn't quite right (apart from the 'babes') ...
Then he told me he 'enjoyed watching midget porn in 3D' (his words)

Yikes, please tell me it gets better

Well, he's messaged to say that my last text didn't come through until this afternoon. My friend said she's been having trouble getting through to me so it's plausible. However, I still have doubts. The message was just answering my question, no attempt at conversation so I'm still unsure if he's that bothered with me at the moment.

SingleSock - honestly I would ask if you can have a chat with him about this. Why waste you time if he's not bothered? On the other hand he may be but might have stuff going on in his life. Surely it's best to know though isn't it? If you'd only had 1 or 2 dates I would say leave it and wait to see if he contacts you but it's beyond that point IMO.

IAMNOT...I can't promise it gets better! OLD in particular seems like a very good way for men, and women I guess to hang on to people...bit like as sweet shop....and even seeing beyond the outright weirdos, its a tricky path. Good luck!

Well he's now not replied to my last text . But I've no idea if it's because he hasn't received it or is just busy etc.

So how should I broach the topic? By text, call him? I won't see him now until he's back (if he ever wants to see me again) so I could wait until then but honestly, I'm sick of feeling like this already so a couple more weeks won't be much fun . I just want to know where I stand.

"IME people look better in real life also."

Yes, I agree. Camera flashes don't half show up my wrinkles as I get older; real life kind of blends them in a bit.

"...and have also been emailed photos of MrSporty who doesn't want his photos public. I am questioning everything about him."

Jarlin , check his photos against those of Roger Black and Kriss Akabusi, just to be sure he isn't using theirs.

SingleSock I think if someone is making you feel like that it's best just to say 'fuck it' and move on. It's incredibly easy to keep in touch with people by text these days and if you really feel like he's not that interested, you are probably right. I've never been wrong in reading signs like that, sadly our gut feelings are there for a reason! I suggest you go out and have fun and forget about him, totally bin him off and stop trying until he puts more effort in. The old adage is true, if someone really likes you and wants to see you, they will! Just don't take it personally, 4 dates is still very early days and you never really know what the other person is thinking/ feeling.

Can anyone weigh in with some experience on the 'is he online for real, or is POF being wanky' debate? Mr POF has got the app on his iphone, is it possible that is what's causing him to popup as online? I don't want to clutch at straws because if he's been on it again by the end of the day he is totally binned, but it does seem to be a bit of a grey area based on what people have said here....