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Original poster

Dating thread 79

999 replies

louby44 · 13/08/2014 16:47

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

OP posts:
HanselandGretel · 18/08/2014 00:47

@Pinkladee - Perhaps wait and see, if you'd just finished the date and you then rush online to message him it does seem a bit overkeen. He could have got your number surely if he wanted it. I'd step back now.

FolkGirl · 18/08/2014 06:03

Mr POF sounds like an arse, Rose.

How did the date with MrCrush go?

FolkGirl · 18/08/2014 06:28

I'm taking a break for a few days.

Hope everyone has a good week of dating and I look forward to catching up with it all when I get back.

But I need a break from it all.

Have fun Flowers

frames · 18/08/2014 06:39

Pink...the last minute date sounds exciting, how lovely, enjoy it for what it was and wait and see...

UrsulaBuffay · 18/08/2014 08:36

I understand Folk and may do the same see ya soon

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 08:52

Folk - I hope you're ok. Message me any time you want to offload xx

Roseflowers · 18/08/2014 08:59

pinklaydee its a bit of a downer when you feel that awesome rush of hormones and that 'wow, this went so well' feeling only to have no reply. You've put yourself out there, now wait for him to do the chasing :)

Folk Mr POF is a massive disappointment, as he's been so lovely and thoughtful so far. I've been cheated on relentlessly in other relationships and so this doesn't bode well. Now I keep checking his online status and yep, he was on in the middle of the night last night AGAIN (when he was meant to be asleep for an early start at work!) I wonder if he knows that I can easily see this information? Probably doesn't care....ugh.

Vintagecrap · 18/08/2014 09:03

Hi

Am i allowed to just jump in?

Ive been dating someone for about 4 weeks, due to it being the summer hols and getting a bit of childfree time, ive seen him about 9 times, or somewhere around there.

Hes made no secret of the fact he really likes me, he tells me all the time, we are exclusive. I like spending time with him, but im not in the same place he is. For example he sends me morning texts like ' im so happy i met you' and it just makes me roll my eyes. Not that i dont like him, but just i tihnk, im not romantic or soppy at all. Makes me feel a bit uncomftable, but i quite sure thats my issue and not him at all. Might be to do with being on my own a long time, or a marriage where there was no love. Does this resonate with anyone? any advice?

On the subject of men having ' tactics', my experience of online dating, which is more extensive than i would like it to be, is that yes, lots do. The ' real' men might be more bumbling through life, like bant says, but on dating sites, these men are in the minority.

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 09:34

So these men with tactics - is it the case that they use dating sites because their real life contacts know exactly what they're like?

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 09:36

VintageCrap (love the name!) would you mind sharing your experiences of tactics to watch out for for the benefit of people like me who have very little experience of online dating?

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 09:41

I really would not worry about people being online. Pof regularly sends out emails saying 'X wants to meet you' which I often click on out of curiosity only.

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 09:43

Vc - wrt the man you have been dating, do you feel he's a bit needy? I think that if you like his company then there are ways for you to address this without upsetting him. Everyone's different and some people are more 'gushy' than others.

UrsulaBuffay · 18/08/2014 09:46

Rose I'm sure I've read on here before that POF shows weird online times that may not be true. Jarlin may be able to clarify. think it's go do with the app but I guess maybe you should suggest you both delete profiles?

Vintagecrap · 18/08/2014 09:49

lottie, yeah sure I can. Im just off out for the day and am out this evening, but will do so tomorrow.

Ive got a bit to say about people who appear to be online too.

SingleSock · 18/08/2014 10:03

Hi everyone. I'm just posting quickly as I'm working today, will hopefully catch up properly later.

So Mr Tall had a couple of days where his texting improved and I relaxed again. Then last night it dried up once again. I'm not sure if he's meaning to but it's beginning to feel like a head fuck Hmm.

My gut tells me he was on a date last night. I haven't been back online so I've no idea if he's still going on or not but I know from our early conversations that he invites the women he chats to to view his Facebook account. He's recently become friends with a couple of women who are quite obviously his 'type'. Thing is, we haven't had the exclusive talk so I've no right to be upset about this but I feel like he lulled me into a false sense of security regarding his intentions and I have behaved accordingly.

Whilst I still really like him, I'm seriously wondering if this is worth it. But I'm torn between thinking I'm being unreasonable - it's too early to have expectations - and feeling like he's playing games so I should just cut my losses before I develop real feelings Confused.

Any advice on what I should do if anything?

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 10:18

SingleSock - I would definitely have it out with him. Say that you want to be exclusive and that if he's not into it then move on. You've been seeing him long enough to discuss this now, I think. And you have the right not to be messed around.

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 10:18

Thanks Vintage Smile

UrsulaBuffay · 18/08/2014 10:27

I agree with lottie, sock

SingleSock · 18/08/2014 11:44

We've only been on 4 dates though - is that really long enough to be having the chat? I guess I'm going to have to find out where he's at at some point because I'm not liking how this is making me feel and I'm second guessing and questioning myself all the time Sad.

I've just read another thread, the drama queen one, and it's really resonated with me. Bar the moving away bit, this is exactly how Mr Tall has been behaving. I've asked some male friends for their perspective and they've said, which is what I'm also feeling, that's he's just not that into me. I think he's probably keeping me on the go until he finds someone better. So irritating when they present themselves as one thing but aren't upfront about what they really want.

On the other hand, I think he doesn't really owe me anything as we're only dating Confused. He's going away soon so I won't see him for a while now. I think I might back right off and see what happens when he's back. Not sure if I should get myself back online in the mean time?

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 11:51

He does owe you honesty. Has he said that he was looking for a relationship? How often have you been seeing him? At this point I think it's entirely reasonable for you to seek clarification of where this is going. Does he express how he feels about you in any way?

LittleBlueMouse · 18/08/2014 11:53

SingleSock, I would give him enough rope to hang himself. This way he will either hang himself or he will realise that you are a busy, happy, confident and interesting woman and come running back for more. It is very early days, try to chill. I know its hard, easier said than done. People do have lives and sometimes that gets between them and their phone, plus why not let him see a couple of other women early on, that way when he chooses you over them, you know you have hooked him for good. You can't make people fall for you, you can't make people be exclusive with you. You can though, let them live, let them trip up and make an arse of themselves or best case, make their own choices and choose you. I would give it a few weeks and then maybe tell him what you are doing, maybe say you aren't looking for anyone else, you can only own your own feelings and be honest with those around you, if they choose deception then you know they are not worthy of you.

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 11:53

I would try to have an open discussion with him before he goes away and if his response is wishy washy, move on and have some other dates.

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 11:55

I think 4 dates is enough time for anyone to know if they are into someone and to decide one way or the other and not keep them hanging on. Just IMHO.

dippinmytoe · 18/08/2014 12:05

sock Mr tall sounds very like someone who I met once, the Facebook thing , going away etc... says he is looking for a relationship but he isn't really. We were meant to meet again but things just got in the way.. I also think he was a bit of a player so I'm glad I gave up.

SingleSock · 18/08/2014 12:13

Yes, he's said he wants a relationship, to the point where he was reluctant to go on a first date until I'd clarified that I was open to the possibility of a relationship since my profile said 'casual dating'. Since then he's asked a few times what I think of him, do I see potential, what do I want etc. It was these statements that made me think he was serious about finding someone with whom to have a LTR. Without this, I think I'd have held back a bit more.

I'm trying to be relaxed about it all but finding it tough. I think part of the problem is that it's not just the frequency but the quality of texts. There's no real attempt on his part to have a conversation. He also said he would try and see me before he goes away but hasn't Hmm.

Another thing is, he's all too aware that I've given up OLD because I tried to cancel our first date following a horrible date with Mr FootFetish aka Mr Nasty. He knows that I've come offline so going back on will send a message about my intentions.

Urgh, I was so confused about whether I was ready to date again and I think this has confirmed that I'm not. I was treated so badly by my ex and I'm terrified of having to go through anything like that again. I know nobody likes feeling angst but this is setting off my anxiety. I wish I could just be cool about it and say to myself if it doesn't work out it's no big deal. I've got over much worse after all Confused. I think it's the not knowing one way or the other that I struggle with. I almost just want to call it off so I know that it's definitely not going anywhere.