Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

When I met Mr C, I was still living in the same house as my ex. Obviously that could have looked really dodgy, but luckily Mr C (rightly) believed me that there was nothing going on and that the only reason we were living together was that my ex refused to move out until the house was sold.

That's partly why it's so difficult ... things are never cut and dried.

Sound great, good luck:-)

That sounds lovely, Jarlin. Are you going for a drink?

I've been reading the thread all week but haven't posted. Holidays with DS (who has ASD) are exhausting, and by the time he goes to bed I'm usually incapable of posting anything coherent!

But now I'm back with a question ... would it bother you any of you if a man had no interest in clothes at all? I'm not expecting some kind of fashion expert, but to me taking some interest in clothes - or making a slight effort for a date - shows that you take care of yourself. Is this unrealistic? It would be interesting to hear a male point of view (Bant?) on this as well.

I am really funny about clothes, bit judgy really. MrH had strange shoes yesterday.

Yes I think clothes are important, although my friend has had to gently coax her bf of 4 years to wear more fashionable stuff! Some men do need a bit of help!

I've had 2 late nights of (1am) texting Mr Morrisons he's on holiday camping with his son! Bit of well a lot really cheeky flirting! He is sooo funny & intelligent! I'm thinking about him a lot and worrying that he's a fantasy man, although we speak on the phone a couple of times a week, text daily. Met him once! His Irish accent is bloody lovely!

He wants to lose another 4 stone before we meet again! It will be November! Will we just end up as friends? We're finding out about each other in the meantime! I'm so intrigued by him!

I like funny and intelligent. He sounds cool.

Louby, the thing you have going on with Mr Morrisons sounds lovely. I hope he loses that weight quickly - roll on November!

I don't mind helping men buy clothes (DS's dad had zero interest in clothes, but I loved buying stuff for him). I think what I'm worried about is someone who's determined to wear the same old clothes even if they're awful. Surely it can't be that hard to buy a couple of new shirts? And I worry that if someone doesn't want to make an effort when they're first meeting you, they'll be even less inclined to make an effort once you've been together for a while.

Thats a good point andcat...its kind of a sign of whats on offer in the shop...by seeing whats in the window, and other than the shoes MrH put in a good show.

frames it was a bit of a rocky start as we matched on Tinder back in May. Lots of texting for a few weeks then he admitted that his photo's were 3 years old and he was now 6 stone overweight. He had previously been a big runner - 7 marathons under his belt! In his pics he's tall, dark and thin! Injury & marriage breakdown/divorce resulted in over eating & weight gain! He owned up and expected me to wave goodbye!

I didn't! I kept talking to him, I honestly don't know why! He started dieting and exercising again and signed up for the Great North Run in Sept. He promised me dinner when he lost his weight! I'm holding him to that!

Curiosity got the better of us though and we met for a drink in June. He's VERY overweight, he knows shallow as I am that I'm not remotely attracted to fat men. But he is a lovely, genuine person, we never stopped talking, enjoyed a good laugh and left as friends.

Since then he's lost 2 stone, we text nearly everyday, talk on the phone a couple of times a week, share stuff with each other. He has another 4 stone to lose but is up to running 7 miles.

He says he's not losing weight for me, but for himself - but I've been the motivation he's needed to get going. Goodness knows where it will lead.

I CANNOT wait to see him come November time though!

Frames, how many times have you seen MrH? And what was wrong with his shoes?

Louby, I'm a bit jealous of your flirting by text. Walt and I text every day, but nothing the least bit flirty, nothing to indicate he finds me even the slightest bit attractive.

You realise that most men find clothes as important as you find the brake-horse-power and engine dynamics of your car?

Women care much more about clothes than men. We don't get upset when a man turns up to a do wearing the same suit as us. If we notice someone else wearing the same tie, or shirt, or t-shirt, we generally. .actually we generally don't notice.

I have half a dozen different shirts I'll wear to dates. I have business clothes, smart casual, and slobby clothes. But even I don't give much of a toss about them apart from trying not to stain them pink when I wash them with my kids pyjamas (a task at which I fail regularly)

Clothes may maketh the man, but they shouldn't maketh the girlfriend.

Thank you bants. Really pleasing to hear that I go to all the effort to look nice, and dates are more intrested in my car....sobbing now as its an old lady car.......

Andcat, shoes were dated, and looked a bit cheap...on our date....met him a month or so ago at work related thing and he looked fine in casual clothing.

Louby - I think that story of Marathon man is just lovely.

I'm not saying that we're more interested in the car than the woman.. well hopefully. I'm just saying that women generally think a lot more about clothes than men do. Men find it amusing that women don't care about cars, or football teams or whatever (yes, I know some do) -

we're different. Men will give women advice on cars - often unwanted and unneeded and somewhat patronising advice - because you don't seem to care about how to get the best widget for your whatsitcalled (I'm not really into cars myself). Women will judge men based on what they're wearing when it just isn't particularly important to us

Really, in the grand scheme of things, having a more fuel-efficient car is more important than whether those shoes go with those trousers.

Men are wise. Oh yes we are.

Frames, I don't even have a car! Looks like I may be single forever...

Bant, thanks for the male perspective. So would you make any effort if you were meeting someone you liked (such as the woman you've mentioned recently)? If a man doesn't make an effort to dress nicely on a date, is it a sign that he's not interested in the woman, or does it have no reflection on how he feels about the woman at all?

Louby, I agree with Bant and think it sounds lovely. You know you get on in person, you're in touch almost daily, I guess you found him attractive in his picture when he was slimmer ... sounds like good things could be ahead!

Yes bant, clearly you are! I love recieving driving directions from older men in particular...it is so reassuring, if they start drwing me a diagram I want to marry them!

mrh had strange shoes but didnt talk about football, or any sport at all. I have a fuel efficiant car....but Mr H and I live in a flash motor town....and i dont think he will be an exception to the local Evoque...Audi...rule.

I think men will dress nicely. Some will dress excellently. But a man not dressing particularly well speaks more to his level of clothes-awareness than to his interest.

I've said before on here when women are worrying about what clothes to wear. We generally don't notice the clothes that much. Okay, we can tell whether you're wearing a big wooly cardie or a Hawaiian shirt or a slinky black cocktail thing. But really, we don't notice apart from the general impression.

I've had a lot of first dates. I think I can remember what two of them wore. And the only thing I noticed about the shoes were 'would they make her taller than me, and is she going to trip over'

Of course, I always try and look good, I want to make a good impression. If a man turns up in a stained t-shirt and shorts then he's probably not trying to make an impression. But our choice of clothes is more likely to be what we have clean in the wardrobe at the time

Bant and andcat he's very conscious that he lied about his pics, he's not proud of himself. I am also not proud that I'm saying I'll only give him a chance if he's thinner! But fat men don't do it for me, chunky, rugby types do, and at the other end skinny men don't do it for me either.

We get on very well via phone and like the same things. He's a good dad and seems a decent person.

It will go one of 2 ways when we meet, we'll decide there's no spark doubtful or we will hit it off!!

I keep going on dates and telling him about them, each time he sighs with relief that it hasn't gone well - he admits freely that he hopes I'm still single come November!

He told his housemate that "he wished he'd met me 2 yrs ago, that I have a similar personailty to him, I've got a sense of humour, I'm challenging, open, honest, intelligent, a teacher, sporty, a good mum and nice person"

He says "I want to get to know all of you Louby, if the big click happens".

Oooo errr!!

Louby...its a great connection you have with him...and its great that he has achieved the weight loss with your encouragement.

Bant. We know that rule 10 is no dating the thread. But could we clone you and date your clones? You sound just the right mix of everything. Your date is a lucky woman!

I didn't get my 5th date with Mr SA as he had to go abroad on business. He's back when I'm on holiday. He tried to rearrange date straight away so I am going to presume that he was not brushing me off. I have heard from him since he had been away but only the once. I am hoping that we get together when we are both back.

Just dragging the thread back to the married/separated/divorced topic as it really matters to me. If I'd had a few dates with someone who'd said he was divorced and he was not I would bin him there and then as I've had a life time of lying from my XH and I'm not planning to set any form of precedent. If he confessed to not being divorced on date 1 I might overlook that but if we'd exchanged lots of 'finding out about each other' emails and he hadn't mentioned that he wasn't divorced in those, I'd bin him.

My recent ex was married when I met him (separated 10 years, separate homes, finances, lives etc). He had reasons for staying married but once I knew we were serious I told him I would struggle if he stayed married. My reasons (which he accepted) were: a) if we succeeded as a couple then in a year or two's time when we were madly in love it would really rankle that my partner was married; b) I want my man to be able to commit fully to me and marry me if things panned out that way; c) I believe that some people stay married because 1) they like the link to that someone special; 2) it stops them being 'tempted' into marrying again/quickly 3) they want their partner to benefit from their pension in the event of death. For me 1) and 3) under point c) means I'm not their priority and, after their children, I think a good relationship would mean that I am the priority.

Rule 11. No cloning the Thread

It is a lovely story, Louby, as I said - but remember the Rules. The 'It's all BS till it happens' is true. There may just be no click in person, in fact that's likely. If there is, then fantastic. But prepare yourself that you just might not fancy each other. It happens less often than people would like to think. There is looks, sure - the photo. But there is the way people smell, the pheromone thing. The way they tilt their head, the way they smile. All of these are ways people describe the partner they love, but also they're the things that put you off the wrong person. Just be prepared for those things. Hopefully it'll fall into place though.

I've spoken to lots of women online, developed a rapport and banter, made each other laugh, and then when I've met them in person it's been.. tumbleweed. The banter may even still be there but I just don't fancy them.

Well I finally broke and text Mr Tall first. He responded straight away. We've text a bit since but I get the feeling he's loosing interest. He doesn't really ask questions anymore, just responds to the ones I ask and I'm only really doing that to keep the conversation going. I'm wondering if he feels secure that I like him so isn't trying as hard or if it's just that he's not that into me but is keeping his foot in the door until someone better comes along? Either way, I'm sick of over analysing it. I enjoy the time I spend with him but I'm not sure I'm ready for dealing with all this. No idea what to do now .

Bant we have met once. There was/is something there but his size made me back off a bit. He's attracted to me, he's told me, many times!

We shall see....but yes, it's all rubbish until it happens!