Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

I'm just catching up with this thread now!!

Yes that's what I have done. Taken Mr D on in the friends department and see where it goes.

Had another date last night! It went really well (more than well) and we are seeing each other next week. The chemistry was so right and he made the first move in kissing me and saying goodbye. It was electric and wonderful. I'm going to see how it goes, he is separated and was married for 4.5 years (together 10) I'm his first date in ten years and he is 3.5 years younger than me.

Gotta I get a LOT of attention from younger guys, I am 34 and I like men around 29 for some reason but get chatted up by much younger. They all want the experience of sleeping with an older woman tbh.

I think I'm going to follow dontcall's lead for a while and say bye to the thread. I'm hoping things continue to go well for people. Giggly I honestly think things sound great for you.

I'm really hoping mr pof and I can make a go of things. We are both still married to other people and I don't think being separated is an issue. It's if you have separated emotionally and are ready to move on. Which I think we both have. Dating when older comes with extra ties which make it more complicated.

Thanks everyone for your advice and support, mini xx

The hotel room booking is hilarious! Did he live miles away though and maybe wanted a drink, too far to drive home?

Ursula, im early 30s but its either much younger men or in their 40s who want to date, I wouldn't mind a guy a little younger.

Finding that men in their 40s still shook up from their break ups and not sure what they want. Last date was 43 and the next day text he was getting too old for late nights.

Gottafindaman

Yes I do I dated him for about a year,we got on brilliantly.
No issue with age I got on well with his family a d mates.
We still mates now when I had a problem few weeks ago he was there for me I cried at him for an hour lol

I think it depends on age of you both ,only dated three guys and all been younger

louby He could have bussed from where he lived, but chose to drive. Needless to say I declined the offer of a lift & caught bus home.

I try & arrange first dates for day time Sundays...tricky for MM as it is often family time.

Spotting married men:

Try and phone them at home on the evening on a landline.

Ask them what they had for dinner - just out of interest, not an interrogation. Single men are less likely to cook complex dinners and will eat ready meals or fast food.

Men on free sites are more likely to be married than paid-for ones, because they're worried about credit-card bills being found by their wives.

If they say they don't have a profile photo because they're embarrassed about colleagues seeing them online - I'd doubt that. The only reason to be embarrassed about online dating these days is if you're cheating.

If they say they're separated - especially if they're 'sleeping in the spare room' then they're likely to still be married. Some men are, of course, separated and going through a divorce. But that's both an amber flag about being married and they're probably not in a fit state for a relationship anyway.

I"m posting all these reasons to be helpful to you lot, of course, but also for selfish reasons. I'm one of the decent single blokes on the OD sites so I'm just hobbling my competition a bit. :)

(Although I'm neither single nor on OD sites at the moment. 4th date with the lovelywoman next week, and lots of messaging and skyping while I'm away on business, and I haven't checked my Match inbox since I met her).

Bant you are depressing me with the married man thing but does explain a lot. Do men have to pay for POF?

Blossom - no, POF is free, as is OK Cupid. You can pay for extra features on both but you can message people and read replies for free.

There's no guarantee that Match or Guardian Soulmate or any other paid site are free either, of course.

Thinking about it, I've had 3 dates with women who were married - either they told me they were in open relationships or currently going through separation - I'm not sure if I believed either but didn't get involved once I'd found out.

They were all from OK Cupid. From Match, I've had none. Maybe the rules work for married women too.

bantI am a very honest person and tend to believe people but OLD is making me very cynical sadly. I am a home worker and live in a rural area so little alternative in meeting someone. Only last night was messaging a really nice looking guy seemed lovely, lots in common, he suggested a meet up, I suggested we swap numbers first as always like to chat on the phone first, he agreed but oncehe had mine would not give me his MARRIED! what a wast of my time ho hum, Suspect his profile will vanish today

Still not heard from Mr Tall. Feel a bit like we're in a text stand-off . Should I crack and text first or wait till he texts me? I'm not into game playing but don't want to come across as an idiot if he's lost interest .

Oops, I've NCed and forgot .

I think the seperated thing is an interesting one and not always as cut and dry as, "avoid if only seperated"

I refer to my 'exH' but, in fact, he is my stbxh. We haven't divorced. We're going to, but neither of us is sufficiently motivated to start proceedings at the moment.

So I'm seperated and I was honest about it on my profile. And how long I'd been seperated. I'm not interested in my 'exH'; I don't fancy him; I don't love him; and I wouldn't get back together with him.

Any 'issues' I have pre-date my marriage and will not be 'solved' with divorce. So is it always a bad thing?

Thanks Bant very good list. May add not willing to meet in their own neighbourhood?

I am separated, legally, but in my own mind am divorced. The only reason I am not divorced is because Ex is twatting about with financials. I would be disappointed if I was discounted because I'm only separated....so do put divorced or single on profiles.

True, Folk - it's not cut and dry. I was dating for several months before my decree absolute came through.

But - I'd been separated for a year, living apart, completely separate finances etc. The woman I'm seeing now still pays for her exes car insurance, helps him out with rent money (which she never gets back) and he wants to get back together with her. That's not ideal.

And for married men who are looking for an unknowing bit on the side, it's an easy thing to say 'we're separated but I sleep in the spare room to help out with the kids, or saving for a deposit' or something.

If they live by themselves, then they're (probably) single. If they live with an ex-partner then I'd be hugely wary. And they couldn't have you round to stay, could they? Hence the booking hotel rooms in their home town, not giving out their phone number etc.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't date when they're only separated, I'm just saying that I'd see it as a potential sign that they're not as separate as they make out to be.

Bant, thanks for the inside info, could of done with your male opinion regarding my last date.

Just the other day a man messaged me on POF and said he didn't have a picture because he was stalked by a woman and that he could send me a picture via email.

Blossom..I am a very honest person with no baggage but i am learning that a lot of the blokes i have gone on dates have issues, last two thrown out by ex and not seeing kids.

My last date was confusing the hell out of me, he text me again saying he fancied me and didn't understand why we could not be friends, he said he cared about me even though we only had one date and DTD.

gotta you last date sounds like a nut. I have DTD on first dates when I started OLD, but will not be doing it now. Never seems to work out.

Thanks frames, live and learn, had two guys on pof give me their numbers, one been chatting on off for months. Is it best to give them my number and see what happens. Not likely that I will ask them out first.

I am separated and have no intention of going back, but I am on friendly terms with rx after a rocky couple of post splitting up. Is it deceitful to just say single, not felt married for years.

Blossom, don't regret dtd just all the weirdness from him, won't dtd again. Is there a number of dates with one guy before dtd?

Just say 'Divorced', gotta. Single implies that you've never been married.

The difference between 'divorced' and 'separated but not divorced' is much smaller than the difference between 'single' and 'married' - which you technically are. If someone told me they were single and they were actually married it would throw me, whereas if someone told me they were divorced but then, in person, said they were still technically married - I'd understand.

Saying you're divorced may put some men off, but those men would be put off anyway when they found out, which they inevitably would.

Good luck for this evening Jarlin just try to have fun

Jarlin, I'm so with you on that awful, awkward goodbye! I usually enjoy first dates as I love finding out about people, but I dread the beginning of them and especially the end. The not knowing whether to kiss, and if so where, or just say goodbye, or if they'll ask to see you again ... aaaagh!

So what have you decided to wear?

Being seperated wasnt the right time for me to start looking. It took my for my ex to hook up with someone and force divorce proceeding on us, although we had minimal contact prior to that, but I felt really liberated by actually being divorced, and mentally wanting to have a look around

RL "friends" dont think MrH is right, and I am now 50:50...I can see that as good fun as the date was...chances are that he is playing me.so will see how he pans out over the next week. Leaving match for as long as I can its draining.