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Original poster

Do I confront him??

135 replies

IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 09:06

I have done something very stupid and now it's eating away at me.
I looked at my DH work emails... And saw something that made me feel sick.
He has a contact that he flirts with regularly by the looks of things. They talk at work on the phone occasionally too. She lives down South somewhere I think so they have never met up but I know he has looked her up on Facebook. She has a partner and a child.
Anyway, the thing that made me feel sick is an email I saw from a few months back that he has kept. She stated "if only we were single and lived nearer" and my DH response was "I know :-("
She replied with "what's the :-( for?" He said "just :-("
I have recently seen an email and now know he has her number, she joked and asked if she was going to get loads of dodgy calls or pizza delivered to the office? He replied with "it's not pizza I want it's the COOKIE"
WTF???? How old is he? 14????? He's knocking on 40!
If our sex life was boring I could understand him looking but it isn't, and from her pictures on Facebook she's not that attractive - I feel insulted that he's looking at her!

So... I wanted to confront him as soon as I saw it but there is something big going on at work and I know if it pays off it would benefit us greatly so decided to keep my mouth shut until things are finalised.
Another part of me wants to keep having a sneaky look to see how far it will go, just to see what a complete arsehole he really is?

OP posts:
Vivacia · 13/08/2014 09:49

What outcome do you want from this situation?

LittleLadyFooFoo · 13/08/2014 09:56

I would tell him ASAP and sort it out. If you want to save your marriage, the longer you leave it, the deeper they will probably take it. Just don't do what I did and message the woman. I regret it. Speak to your husband. Good luck.

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 09:59

For him to stop looking for attention elsewhere. He's a flirt, always has been and I accepted that a long time ago. But to me this isn't flirting anymore. This has gone too far.
It's all talk between them so far, so do I confront him once this work thing has settled or wait until I have more to throw in his face???

OP posts:
LittleLadyFooFoo · 13/08/2014 10:01

Now. Don't wait. You don't want more to throw in his face.

Vivacia · 13/08/2014 10:02

Don't wait. Sneaking on him (and tormenting yourself in the meantime) is unhealthy.

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 10:07

Thanks for your reply ladyfoo. She doesn't live anywhere near us and he never goes away on business so I doubt they'd ever get the chance to take it any further. Unless they decided to concoct some big lie to get away from home and meet up.
Would you class is as the beginning of an emotional affair? Is that what you call it?
I don't want him to know I've looked at his emails as he'll probably swear never to do anything again and then tighten his security so I'll never know anything in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 10:10

Sorry vivacia thank you for your reply too!!
You're right, I don't WANT more to throw in his face. But I can't believe I sunk to the level of snooping. Something just didn't feel right so I looked.
My instincts are obviously shit hot.
I will see what this week brings now they have exchanged numbers, then I'll confront him. Don't want to do it with the little ones in the house though. Just I case I decide to throw a frying pan at his head!! Wink

OP posts:
penguinplease · 13/08/2014 10:17

I'd wait. Let the work thing get finalised and monitor his movements.
How long will the wait be?

Jan45 · 13/08/2014 10:35

Why do folk think, well now I've found out he's a sneaky sleazy disrespectful twunt, I can't possibly confront him cos he'll know I was snooping - I mean seriously, read it again, there's your answer OP, what are you waiting for...???

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 10:35

Hi penguin. I think the wait will be a maximum of 2 weeks. I don't want to blow this opportunity at work as it's what he's been waiting for for years. Do you think it's just banter and I'm blowing it out of proportion or is he being a total arse for taking his flirting to this extent?

OP posts:
Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 10:39

Thanks for the reply Jan Hmm

OP posts:
Vivacia · 13/08/2014 10:41

If they work at opposite ends of the country, and never have the opportunity to physically see each other, how did they meet and take things to this level??

Only1scoop · 13/08/2014 10:42

With Jan45 on this.

You snooped because you don't trust.

You are right not to trust.

Doesn't matter one jot if she lives 5000 miles away or next door!!

He is disrespectfully flirting with some 'random' woman.... Or she's the one you know about.

How lovely of you to consider his big deal at work coming through or whatever it is.

Shame he doesn't consider you when he's after her 'cookie' Hmm

Quitelikely · 13/08/2014 10:47

I don't see how you confronting him will affect his big thing happening at work.

I suppose you will c

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 13/08/2014 10:47

Yes, I have to wonder how it got this elevated if they aren't seeing each other. Perhaps something has changed?

Quitelikely · 13/08/2014 10:48

Confront him he will say it was nothing and just expect you to put up and shut up. I see it on here all the time.

Tell him to eff off, now he is single and he can go and order cookies. Pathetic.

Vivacia · 13/08/2014 10:49

Is cookie a euphemism?

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 10:50

Vivacia she's a contact through work for something or other.
1scoop his work thing is massive which will benefit me too so I'm not totally being "lovely"
I know... "Cookie" he sounds like a hormonal teenager, makes him sound like a right tw*t!!!
Can't believe he'd risk our 12 years together and our kids for the fag ash moose (from the pictures) I've seen on Facebook! Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 10:52

Cookie is a euphemism for p*ssy
How delightful!

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 13/08/2014 10:54

Oh Op it's a vile feeling and I feel for you. Makes me angry on your behalf. What an idiot he is.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 13/08/2014 11:00

I'd be tempted to lay it on the table to your DH, pointing out that if he's not forthcoming with information, you'll go to her partner next, and then his work, as it's pretty certain it won't be looked at as professional and could cause them both all sorts of problems.

But then I'm feeling pretty intolerant today. Grin

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 13/08/2014 11:01

USE the deadline they have coming up. He won't want things to blow up before that. Yes, yes, blackmail sort of. Give me the info or I cause trouble. Ah, well. I'm morally okay with it.

FatewiththeLeadPiping · 13/08/2014 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 11:09

I'm morally ok with blackmail too. Under the right circumstances.
However I know that me confronting him will mess with his head and he'll fluff up this deal. Which means I don't see any of the benefits! Which is why I think I'm going to use this time to gather more dirt to throw at him.
Then if he leaves at least I may see a little benefit from this deal in my divorce...

OP posts:
Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 11:10

If I made him cookies at the moment I think I'd put rat poison in them

OP posts:
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