Do I confront him??

[IKnowHisSecret]

I have done something very stupid and now it's eating away at me.
I looked at my DH work emails... And saw something that made me feel sick.
He has a contact that he flirts with regularly by the looks of things. They talk at work on the phone occasionally too. She lives down South somewhere I think so they have never met up but I know he has looked her up on Facebook. She has a partner and a child.
Anyway, the thing that made me feel sick is an email I saw from a few months back that he has kept. She stated "if only we were single and lived nearer" and my DH response was "I know :-("
She replied with "what's the :-( for?" He said "just :-("
I have recently seen an email and now know he has her number, she joked and asked if she was going to get loads of dodgy calls or pizza delivered to the office? He replied with "it's not pizza I want it's the COOKIE"
WTF???? How old is he? 14????? He's knocking on 40!
If our sex life was boring I could understand him looking but it isn't, and from her pictures on Facebook she's not that attractive - I feel insulted that he's looking at her!

So... I wanted to confront him as soon as I saw it but there is something big going on at work and I know if it pays off it would benefit us greatly so decided to keep my mouth shut until things are finalised.
Another part of me wants to keep having a sneaky look to see how far it will go, just to see what a complete arsehole he really is?

I feel the comments are inappropriate because they focus on the woman's appearance and physical attractiveness. It implies that looks are the only value a woman has.

Perhaps my ex puts a bag over her head when he fucks her.

Maybe she puts a bag over your ex too.

I don't think I'm doing a very good job of explaining why it's offensive.

Fair enough. I have no intention of being offensive back. Hope things improve for you soon.

Jan and Viv, I agree that I have maybe gone too far, I'm just angry. And no, looks and appearances are not the be all and end all of any person. But my husband is quite shallow and judgemental of other peoples looks at times, which is why it has surprised me so much that he is going on with this woman the way he is.

Well, it's either a diversionary titillation that means nothing, or a real connection that goes beyond looks. I strongly suspect the former.

I hope so Viv. Will I make a fool of myself for going mad if it really means naff all to him?

No. I'd go nuclear.

No offence ladies but yous picked them!

Looks usually not naff all to do with it, esp where men are concerned.

Secret, how can you possibly make a fool of yourself, don't you think it's the other way around?

He will tell you it means naff all, do you honestly think he will fess up and tell you all the gory details, get real, fact is, he's made a fool of you.

Unfortunately Jan I think I've read all of the gory details on his emails. Nothing more to add really unless they met up! So there really is nothing he can shy away from. He's royally f*cked up and I've caught him out. Seen it with my own eyes and will (hopefully) have the screen shots to prove that I'm not exaggerating.

Do not waiver then OP, you're not the fool here.

I was cheated on by a previous partner so I'm not justifying it, just floating it as a possibility. If it's a harmless flirtation, nothing ever going to happen, would you still think it's worth ending the marriage over?

For me an EA would see him in regular contact in times of stress, like now. If you keep quiet and keep snooping then you'll know if this is the case.

If you blow up (and lord knows I would!) then you won't know. If it doesn't matter either way and marriage is over then save your sanity and confront sooner rather than later.

Jan, I can't waiver, I need to have it out with him. I'm hoping he's just got carried away and just needs a reality check. Maybe if I read back some of the most hurtful (to me) emails he'll see what an absolute w*nker he has been.
Brokenheart, I agree, some men DO hide there arseholeness VERY well!
Joysmum, if it is just flirtation then no I don't want to end my marriage over it. It will have to stop though. And if I catch him doing it again that'll be it. I don't want to live a lie, life's too short for that.

Are you actually going to do anything about this or simply slag off old trouts with strangers on the internet ?

Your problem is your husband. I expect he will tell you the fat old fag ash slag led him on, and going off your posts so far I reckon you will suck it up.

Anyfucker do me a favour and don't bother posting on my thread again.
Unfortunately I am in a position that a lot have people have been in and was after advice.
It is my marriage and I will deal with it as I see fit. If I decide to kick him out for good - fine. If I decide to give him a chance - that's fine too.

In my opinion if a married man feels that he can get another woman without getting into too much dangerous territory then he will tend to go for it. The question is just how far the guy will go.

It's an ego trip after all. Course it isn't right but I do think that modern tech makes it all too easy...

Thank you mysteryman, it's a nice change to hear a mans point of view.

That's fine, OP. I am sure I qualify as one of those old trouts anyway. Perhaps when you stop slagging other women off, you may be able to deal with your husband appropriately. Good luck.