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Original poster

Do I confront him??

135 replies

IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 09:06

I have done something very stupid and now it's eating away at me.
I looked at my DH work emails... And saw something that made me feel sick.
He has a contact that he flirts with regularly by the looks of things. They talk at work on the phone occasionally too. She lives down South somewhere I think so they have never met up but I know he has looked her up on Facebook. She has a partner and a child.
Anyway, the thing that made me feel sick is an email I saw from a few months back that he has kept. She stated "if only we were single and lived nearer" and my DH response was "I know :-("
She replied with "what's the :-( for?" He said "just :-("
I have recently seen an email and now know he has her number, she joked and asked if she was going to get loads of dodgy calls or pizza delivered to the office? He replied with "it's not pizza I want it's the COOKIE"
WTF???? How old is he? 14????? He's knocking on 40!
If our sex life was boring I could understand him looking but it isn't, and from her pictures on Facebook she's not that attractive - I feel insulted that he's looking at her!

So... I wanted to confront him as soon as I saw it but there is something big going on at work and I know if it pays off it would benefit us greatly so decided to keep my mouth shut until things are finalised.
Another part of me wants to keep having a sneaky look to see how far it will go, just to see what a complete arsehole he really is?

OP posts:
Vivacia · 13/08/2014 11:15

I didn't realise that's what cookie meant Blush. I think I'd hit the roof. I now totally understand why you want to simmer wait until this work thing passes.

Jan45 · 13/08/2014 11:18

Me neither, eeeew he's totally taking the actual piss.

I do like your thinking tho OP.

SweetErmengarde · 13/08/2014 11:22

Just make sure you forward all the emails to yourself, or at least screenshot them.

If you decide to wait it out, your H may guess from your changed manner that something is up and will get better at covering his tracks.

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 11:27

If I get the opportunity I will screenshot them, if I forward the emails he'll be able to tell. Fantastic idea. Thanks for that.
Need to do some research on phone or email hacking... How easy do you think it will be to get into a company's email account???

OP posts:
Cornflakesnmilk · 13/08/2014 11:35

As others have said, screen shot all of the messages.

I would confront him now. How do you know that the lady in question won't travel up to him during work hours so that they can meet up? He wouldn't have to change anything in terms of his routine/staying away for the night. There are ways and means and it seems as if its gone beyond 'just' banter.

kaykayblue · 13/08/2014 11:55

Oh my love. You need to stop thinking/talking about cyber stalking him and hacking into his e-mails.

At most, all you need to do is screen shot them so he can't deny it when you confront him. He has already crossed a line. You don't need to wait for potentially worse things to arise.

If you want to wait until after his big thing at work, then that's fine. Just wait a couple more weeks (I assume that this big work thing has a DEFINITE deadline?).

When it's done, and he comes home, you can say "well done darling. That's wonderful. Shall we order pizza? Or would you perhaps want "the cookie" instead"?

Give him a bitch tight smile and just stare at him. He will know that you know. If he starts harping on about trust, you can justifiably laugh in his face and say

"Trust? You are lecturing ME about trust when you've been blatantly flirting with another woman like some kind of love sick teenager? Are you fucking kidding me??"

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 12:00

Sweets I don't think he'd dream that I have looked at his emails. As far as he knows I don't know the pin to his phone... And it's rare that he leaves it unoccupied so I have to take my opportunities when I can.
Cornflakes you're right. There's always a way.

OP posts:
Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 12:02

Kaykayblue that is fantastic!!! Couldn't have put it better myself...
I think ill do just that!

OP posts:
annielovebaasi · 13/08/2014 12:10

Kaykayblue I loved ur answer men are so dirty they have beautiful wives at home but they still have to look at other women. Iknowhissecret you do nothing wrong wen u go through his emails I go through my hubby's fone. Why cuz if I'm sitting at home and I'm waiting for him to cum home to me and I'm loyal to him I expect him to be loyal to me. I think you are very sensible and patient as I am 20 yrs old I would have knocked my hubby out

annielovebaasi · 13/08/2014 12:12

Some time ago I saw messages that were sent to a girl abt fingering on confronting him he claimed his friend wrote it I believed him then again he messaged a girl "cuz he was upset" I screamed and sorted him out no I regularly check his fone cuz I dnt trust him. You cnt trust these men!!!

blackcatrules · 13/08/2014 12:15

Keep it to yourself for now.

Do you have a smartphone?
Yes?
Accidentally leave it in his car a few times (make sure all volumes are turned off) and then go and track your lost phone on the computer.
Works a treat. This is how I found out my wayward ex shitbag OH was cheating on me.
Instead of being at work on Fridays like he said he was, I discovered he was in the next County (where floozy lived) for a good chunk of the day.

Jan45 · 13/08/2014 12:19

Saddest thing I've ready today, women checking their men's phones cos they basically cannot trust them, surely being free of a creep that is sneaking about behind your back is preferable, in fact, living on your own up a mountain would be a more attractive proposition.

It's not these men, it's these women hanging on to men that don't give a fuck about them.

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 12:20

Annie I want to rip his face off but what will that do? He'll be able to do me for assault and claim I'm an unfit violent mother. Admittedly it would make me feel better!
I'm going to wait it out till his deal is done, gather my evidence and then confront him... If he leaves at least I'll still reap some of the rewards from his deal in the divorce settlement. I'm a conniving b*tch when I need to be. I won't let myself be a blubbering wreck, however much I want to sob. What do I do if he apologises and admits he went to far and promises to never do it again??? Do I accept it and try and move on?

OP posts:
Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 12:24

Jan I don't believe in checking his phone because up until now I did trust him. But something just didn't seem right. And hey presto something definitely wasn't right!!
And apologies for the misspelling! I meant "too" far!

OP posts:
annielovebaasi · 13/08/2014 12:27

Was he always a flirt if he was then he still will be and if he wasn't and it's his frst time forgive him Smile

MorrisZapp · 13/08/2014 12:33

I must be getting old. I would genuinely have thought they'd had some workplace banter about biscuits, and he was continuing that. Cookie just means cookie to me?

But clearly this isn't great. I dunno. I'd need to know more before chucking the grenade in.

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 12:39

Annie he's always been a flirt. I've accepted that, it's his personality. But this doesn't seem like just flirting anymore.
Morris, no he means cookie in another way he means HER cookie. I'm the same as you, I feel I need more before I "chuck the grenade in"

OP posts:
Jan45 · 13/08/2014 12:42

I know OP, wasn't directed at you, was just a general observation after reading so many similar threads.

annielovebaasi · 13/08/2014 12:46

I wouldn't tolerate my husband flirting cuz they flirt and then they develop feelings for each other and then u cnt leave the bastards cuz of kids or cuz u love them

Vivacia · 13/08/2014 12:48

I'm with you Jan what a way to live - regularly sneaking on your partner's phone.

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 12:49

Why do men always think the grass is greener elsewhere? I don't want to turn into some raving paranoid freak. I couldn't live like that, it would destroy me.
It's hurting me enough that he's interested in the fag ash moose, what has she got that's so appealing? I'm no model but I'd like to think I keep myself looking good. I that've always had a lot of male attention so I can't be that bad?

OP posts:
Vivacia · 13/08/2014 12:50

(Sorry annie...) IKnowHisSecret read annie's posts and ask yourself, "is this how I want to be?".

Don't attempt to hack, don't break the law and don't drag this on.

Original poster
IKnowHisSecret · 13/08/2014 12:52

"That've" where did that come from? I mean "have"!
And I don't want to sound like I'm up my own backside because I'm far from it! I just try and look presentable and good for my DH.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 13/08/2014 13:01

Don't drive yourself mad trying to figure out what's "wrong with you". I'm no beauty and my partner isn't cheating on me because he is choosing not to sneak around disrespecting me behind my back.

Jan45 · 13/08/2014 13:03

It is not a reflection on you, look at all the celebs that cheat on beautiful women, it's their character flaw I'm afraid, please don't lower yourself to the point you are thinking you asked for it.

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