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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is this abuse/what do I do?

167 replies

Mama8 · 10/08/2014 19:59

Please can I have some advice, I really don't know what to do or who to go to for help. I'm sorry if I don't explain it fully, I'm really upset and struggling to think. On two previous occasions when my eldest daughter (4.6) has been 'naughty' (eg encouraging her you get sister to be cheeky) my husband has really yelled at her and held her around the neck tight enough to leave marks. I told him to never do it again or I would leave, I told him that it is abuse and unacceptable. He just shrugs it off & tells me I'm overreacting. Tonight while I was putting the baby to bed I could he him shouting and smacking her repeatedly. I rushed down and he stormed off into the kitchen shouting that she had been telling her sister to be cheeky. She had red marks on her arm and neck. I'm now sitting with my two daughters trying to comfort them and get them to go to sleep.

Who do I turn to? We've moved away from my friends and family to be closer to husbands family. I don't really have any friends here. If I go to the doctors will they believe me and will they be able to help?

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 10/08/2014 20:00

Get her away from him! ASAP!

That's very worrying op, very.

Mumof3xox · 10/08/2014 20:01

If he does this while you are in the house what would he do if you were not there

You need to get all dc away from him

CatKisser · 10/08/2014 20:03

What kind of abusive prick hits children and grabs their necks hard enough to leave marks?? Or indeed at all?

Smacking her repeatedly - Jesus Christ.

For the sake of your children get away from this disgusting man as soon as possible.

magoria · 10/08/2014 20:04

Do you really have to ask. Of course it is abuse.

She is 4.6! Her throat is going to be so fragile that she is danger of being killed by her dad. He smacks her repeatedly that is not a one of telling off that is him losing his temper and assaulting her.

Sod waiting for the doctor tomorrow call the police now, tonight, while there are still marks.

freyaW2014 · 10/08/2014 20:04

Please be a troll Sad

Get away ASAP

HeySoulSister · 10/08/2014 20:04

But you also need to speak to someone,get it on record

He needs to leave

It's assault, the police should be called and they will remove him. Child services can support you in making him stay away

Take photos of her injuries

AnotherStitchInTime · 10/08/2014 20:06

Police, it is very serious abuse. He could kill her.

spanky2 · 10/08/2014 20:06

Yes this is abuse. What is there to stop him completely losing control? Call the police, he needs to be taken away. Why should you and your dcs have to leave? This is assault.

gamerchick · 10/08/2014 20:07

You do need to ring the police but I think you won't.

I think you need to have a good long hard think about what to do next. He could really hurt your kids the next time as in accidentally kill one of them.

Katisha · 10/08/2014 20:10

Ok has this only just started happening do you think? And if so why? Are there other issues with his behaviour? How far away is your family? Can you at least go and stay there with the children now while you think?

FreeLikeABird · 10/08/2014 20:12

Call the police he could kill her Hmm

Chloe01mum · 10/08/2014 20:13

Please leave, it will be hard but imagine your life a few months done the line when your poor dd is safe.

I have a dd a few months younger than you and I can't bare the thought of your dd being scared in her own home of the person who should love and protect her beyond anything.

You know yourself if you don't leave your relationship with her can never recover, you will always be the mother that stood back and let the abuse continue.

Keep posting here for support but please get him out and keep her safe.

bellarations · 10/08/2014 20:16

You know this is seriously wrong dont you?
Leave!
Do not let the dc out of your sight!

Does anyone know if women's aid can help in this circumstances??

Seriously you are legally accountable for their safety. Run ffs.
I hope to god this is not real.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 10/08/2014 20:19

Can you call someone to be with you while you call the police?

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and your children.

Branleuse · 10/08/2014 20:19

wtaf, he could actually kill her. Thats not discipline, thats violence

ashtrayheart · 10/08/2014 20:19

Phone the police tonight and ask for him to be removed.

zzzzz · 10/08/2014 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnotherStitchInTime · 10/08/2014 20:23

Are you still there OP?

AskBasil · 10/08/2014 20:25

Please call the police.

Don't minimise this.

poguemahon · 10/08/2014 20:27

Phone the police right now and report this assault. Right now.

tipsytrifle · 10/08/2014 20:27

This really is a police matter. You might consider leaving with dc and calling police from the street or a neighbour's?

This is an abusive man who has isolated you from your friends and family by moving you. He is very into control, isn't he?

You and your children really are not safe.

freyaW2014 · 10/08/2014 20:30

What's going on op?

springbabydays · 10/08/2014 20:31

My dad was violent to me as a child, but not this violent. I only had to see him EOW thank god I didn't have to live with him. Your poor children. Please get them away from this man.

Hand holding if you need it.

GColdtimer · 10/08/2014 20:32

My dd is 4.6 too. I am truly sickened if you are real.

Please call the police. He could have killed her.

Deluge · 10/08/2014 20:33

This is so shocking and sad. Grabbing a 4 yr old round the neck? Wrong and very dangerous. Please call the police and get away from this man.