Is this abuse/what do I do?

[Mama8]

Please can I have some advice, I really don't know what to do or who to go to for help. I'm sorry if I don't explain it fully, I'm really upset and struggling to think. On two previous occasions when my eldest daughter (4.6) has been 'naughty' (eg encouraging her you get sister to be cheeky) my husband has really yelled at her and held her around the neck tight enough to leave marks. I told him to never do it again or I would leave, I told him that it is abuse and unacceptable. He just shrugs it off & tells me I'm overreacting. Tonight while I was putting the baby to bed I could he him shouting and smacking her repeatedly. I rushed down and he stormed off into the kitchen shouting that she had been telling her sister to be cheeky. She had red marks on her arm and neck. I'm now sitting with my two daughters trying to comfort them and get them to go to sleep.

Who do I turn to? We've moved away from my friends and family to be closer to husbands family. I don't really have any friends here. If I go to the doctors will they believe me and will they be able to help?

Please don't underestimate how frightened your little girl will be feeling. In years to come when she has her own relationships it could be that she enters an abusive situation thinking that it's normal to be treated that way and it is not. She looks to her father for love and guidance and at the moment he is showing her neither.
Maybe you should ask him to leave whilst he attends anger management. Your mother is minimising the seriousness of the situation. Trust your own judgement in keeping your girls safe so that they don't end up being another statistic of ongoing abuse from him.

Please don't get your parents to speak to him, talk to WA tomorrow and do whatever they tell you to do.
If you don't follow their advice and he does it again, you will be considered complicit.

Honestly op, it can take such a small amount of time for a small child to be strangled.

Glad you made the decision to call WA and the police in the morning. I would still of done that tonight asleep or not, he has become a dangerous threat to you and your children. Please stop playing down his behaviour just because it's the first time you have seen it in 7 years. It only takes one time for something terrible to happen.
My dad was married 25 years with no incident when his wife assaulted and tried to kill him! Thankfully he left! Whatever the trigger was this man is no longer safe around you or your children.
Whatever happens tomorrow get as far away from him as possible. Good luck with your new life, you will get through this. Please please don't let this go. Also please update us all tomorrow! Xxx

Even if he's getting help he should stay else where while he gets it. However sorry he is, that won't change how he acts in the heat of the moment when he loses his temper again. He is not in control and you cannot have someone around your children who cannot control their temper.

When you get stressed at work, do you go home and beat your children. No! This man is a dangerous bully. This is the time when your children need to see that it isnot aacceptable to be treated that way and to know that their mother did everything in her power to protect them.

Your poor daughter. She must be so scared.

Police then Women's aid. It's easy to minimise things when you're in the fog of it all, but please listen to everyone here who are looking at the situation from an outside rational perspective.

You are your children's only hope. Let them know that they can trust you to keep them safe and secure.

He could kill her.

One more time. HE COULD KILL YOUR DAUGHTER

He is using violence against someone who can't defend themselves. He is making marks. It wouldn't be allowed to a stranger in the street, why to a small child?

And if she is able to grow up into adulthood, she is learning that she is only worth being abused, and may well find a partner who repeats the cycle. Do you want her to marry a man who will grab her or her children by the neck?

If she tells someone at school you will run the risk of losing your kids. None of these risks are worth taking.

I'm sorry, I know this is hard. It's one of the hardest parts about being a mum, but you need to protect your children. No one else will.

And yes, if he does that to the baby, the baby will die.

Think about one of your children dying at the hands of your husband.

Let that be the basis for your decision making.

And he is NOT a good father. This can nevee be undone. Are you going to live rhe rest of your life just not leaving them alone together just in case?

I could never be with someone that is capable of anything so awful.

You have been put in such a horrific position but be strong. Womens aid and the police will be a great help and there are some fantastic women on here that will help you through this 24 houra a day.

You may want to support your partner and empathise with him - but the fact remains that
THE CHILD COMES FIRST EACH AND EVERY TIME.

He left for work at 5.30. I called womens aid then the police who are sending someone round after their shift change at 7.

You've done the right thing mama , I hope women's aid gave you good advice and support ....
How are you feeling this morning ?
And are the children are ok ?

Mama I'm sure it's been very hard for you to actually make these calls but it was completely the right thing to do.

Thinking of you mama you're doing the right thing (but you know that already).

Just read from your first post. So pleased and relieved that you have called the police.

Just adding another voice: you've done the right thing.

Great news mama, please tell them everything and don't feel bad about it. Hope you get strength from this

Just read through, so, so happy you have called the police. You have done the right thing. Tell them everything. You are protecting your daughter.

Well done for calling WA and the police. The changes you have to make (getting him out of your life, getting court orders to ensure he is not alone with your children ever) are going to be challenging but you have made a good start. You're saving lives here.

Well done OP. That must have been hard to do, buy 100% the right. Have you got any real life support you can have with you today. I know you may feel worried to tell people what has happened because it makes ot more real but some support would be helpful today if you can get it.

Gosh that must have been hard but you've done the best thing for yourself and your children. Well done, it takes guts to take these steps.

Well done, you have absolutely done the right thing. I am sure you will get a lot of support from the Police and Women's Aid. We are all here if you need to talk too.

Well done op, you are doing the best thing for your children.
This is not the actions of a good father

Well done for being so strong. You have done the right thing. Let WA help you now.

What a brilliant first step, well done you.

I am sure given time and some clarity, you will realise that this abuser leaving yours and your childrens lives for good is the best thing for all of you.

Then you can start reeducating your parents.

Stay strong, remember WA and MN will support you all the way. Please keep us updated on how the visit went.

You've done the right thing - well done. How did it go with the police?