Is this abuse/what do I do?

[Mama8]

Please can I have some advice, I really don't know what to do or who to go to for help. I'm sorry if I don't explain it fully, I'm really upset and struggling to think. On two previous occasions when my eldest daughter (4.6) has been 'naughty' (eg encouraging her you get sister to be cheeky) my husband has really yelled at her and held her around the neck tight enough to leave marks. I told him to never do it again or I would leave, I told him that it is abuse and unacceptable. He just shrugs it off & tells me I'm overreacting. Tonight while I was putting the baby to bed I could he him shouting and smacking her repeatedly. I rushed down and he stormed off into the kitchen shouting that she had been telling her sister to be cheeky. She had red marks on her arm and neck. I'm now sitting with my two daughters trying to comfort them and get them to go to sleep.

Who do I turn to? We've moved away from my friends and family to be closer to husbands family. I don't really have any friends here. If I go to the doctors will they believe me and will they be able to help?

I hope it went ok with the police mama. X

Good luck mama 8 xxx

I hope all went well with the police.
I read the thread with mounting horror.

I'm so glad you're taking steps, it reads as though you were brought up in an abusive or at least an abuse accepting family.

I appreciate that this must be an incredibly difficult time for you. But you are doing the right thing for your children.

I hope the police have given you some good advice.
Well done on calling WA.
Men who grab people by the throat are considered the very highest risk in abuse.
This is the biggest red flag that police look for when dealing with DV.
You have been extremely brave in looking our for your DC.
Well done and keep going.

You did the right thing. Parents aren't perfect and can smack when at the end of their tether, but this is really different than that. I would have reported myself to the police if I was him as I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself for throttling my child no matter what the fuck was going on in my own life. Good luck OP and stay strong.

I am impressed, Mama! Well done indeed. Such a hard, almost unbelievable chain of events that you have now directed away from being a disaster about to happen. There will be many changes now and that is scary in itself, but it has to be done.

A lot was asked of you in the last week and you've stepped up top it magnificently!

Hi everyone, thank you to everyone who reported this thread to us.

Mama8 - we're so glad to hear you've reached out for help in real life, everyone at MNHQ is wishing you the very best

As we often do in these situations - we do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Hi Mama, hope you're okay. What happened with the police? Is your husband home from work? We are all here for you to chat to xx

Hi, a police lady came yesterday morning then a social worker and detective in the afternoon. They have spoken to my husband over the phone and he has to go to the police station to be interviewed. This won't be until Thursday. He is not allowed any contact with us in the meantime.

When I made my original post I was worried that if I went to the doctor to report it that I wouldn't be taken seriously. I guess I needed some reassurance that it would be taken seriously.

Well done mama, I think you have been really brave!

Glad they are taking it seriously mama. It was a very brave thing you did and your dd will know that you protected her. How are you doing today, it must be a lot to take in?

Well done mama

You can all access help now, and your dd will be so reassured that you have acted!

Well done!

You're making the right decision.

Well done, Mama. This is very serious and I'm glad it is being taken so.

I'm so pleased they listened and took this seriously.
Your DC will thank you so much for this.
A well done from me as well!

Well done mama, you've done the best for your daughter and if your husband is the person he was he'll be disgusted with himself and willing to take all the help he can.
If he's not that person you've protected her for contact.
Well done it must have been the hardest thing to do. It's one thing smacking another what he did.

Mama8, well done for standing firm even though you weren't sure.

His card is marked now, hopefully that's the kick up the arse he needed.
Good luck

Well done for being so brave, what a fantastic mum you are.

Well done Mama. Your dc are lucky to have you.

Well done OP. Your daughter will now know that this isn't normal, and that she can trust you to protect her.

Well done mama.

if this is not your husband's usual behaviour then maybe, maybe in the long run he can get some serious help and work until he becomes a good father, instead of the dangerous one he is now.

This was so brave of you and absolutely the right decision. I remember my biological mother's hands around my neck and it was very frightening, and I was an adult. Never trusted her again. Took 5 years to have even the most distant of relationships - and I had the power to defend myself.

Your children have only you. You've done the right thing.

this must have been so difficult for you but you have protected your DC, i think it's how we parent in difficult times that show us what we're made of and you must be made of very strong stuff, your children are very lucky to have you. i hope you continue to get plenty of support. if you feel able please try to update, there are a lot of people here thinking of you and wanting to support you xx

Agree with pps what a fantastic mummy you are. Hope you're doing ok.

You're very brave and to be admired

Sorry but what are you doing?! Get your kids out of there!! I would have floored the prick!