Well, I'll wade in as well and reiterate my post, with a few minor amendments:
"In principle I agree with Middle (and nowSpringy) however, in practice it invites a whole load of additional issues to contend with. Firstly, you can't control him taking ownership of it. He has to choose to do that.
What often happens is that you get a load more self-centred and infuriating and bewildering emails back. There's no justification in the world for what he's done that's going to make this sudden change easier to comprehend.
There's no closure when you go down the route of sharing grievances, it's tit for tat competitive woe-is-me.
Stop that starting is the advice we've all given because his decision is going to impact her, him and the son in both positive and negative ways.
You're not going to get closure right now - that comes later, when you've adapted and accepted the huge change, when you've found some of the benefits of the change.
Right now, coping is the order of the day. Her Coward is right that Time Heals - but whilst writing emotional emails is cathartic (he he he!), sending them, however, is the route to madness."
That said, I get totally the need to rage - and INeed, you are absolutely right to be raging (I'm raging on your behalf!). The problem is that when they respond, it feeds the rage (in my personal experience).
However, I will concede I am having the divorce from hell - so my advice may actually be worthless - perhaps if I raged back, rather than being the aloof, detached, incommunicado mercenary that I'm being - my divorce might be a bit more pleasant.
However, I am sticking with my approach because so far, as much as I'm suffering this divorce, it is allowing me the necessary thinking time to figure out what it is I really want at the end, and stopping my fury interfering with ultimately getting what I need. I cannot change what STBXH chose to do. I can choose to manage myself - or rather get a team around me to get me through it - and they need me to not make their jobs harder. They want the best outcome possible. We measure that in monetary terms!
They say that you should 'fake it to you make it', but a very enlightening thread on here recently indicated that you're truly over it when you are indifferent.
I am faking the indifference.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of my introspective sermon!