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Original poster

What would you say if your friend told you this

165 replies

cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 20:13

My 22 y/o friend recently told me she has a crush on her 18 y/o colleague. He is a very young looking 18 y/o (I've met him) and could pass for 16. She says she has fallen for his funny/charming personality and is attracted to him physically too. This is confusing for me, I know legally there would be nothing wrong with them doing anything but it seems a bit weird to me. She said he has told her he is still a virgin and she has said (to me) she would like to be his first.

I don't know if I'm being out of line here or what, I just feel this is not an ok situation. Does anyone know what I mean/have any input.

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 08/08/2014 21:43

When I was 29 I had a 22 year old boyfriend. Lush he was.......

Surprised I wasn't lynched or burnt at the stake for such wickedness eh OP?

I have a teenage son and I definitely would not bat an eyelid if he was 18 and going out with a 22 year old. I see that as the same age group anyway.

You sound very very judgemental about this OP.

Brices · 08/08/2014 21:43

Question your motive and your interest in this

Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 21:47

No one is being nasty or rude as far as I can see (apart from the spat between you and Castle, which you started as far as rudeness goes).

We are just telling you that YABU. It happens and its not nice, I have had it happen to me and it stung, no question. But the accepted thing to do is either say "Ok, I was wrong, still doesnt feel right but I will keep my gob shut" or "PISS OFF YOU BUNCH OF BITCHES" and flounce! Personally, for entertainment value I prefer the latter, but for forum harmony I would suggest the former :)

scarletforya · 08/08/2014 21:49

Gee is slang for vagina.

Just sayin' Hmm

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 08/08/2014 21:49

With the greatest respect, I think 'perspective' is what you are getting.

The best advice here has been to distance yourself from her. There is no good outcome if she goes ahead and you risk losing two friends, one you have lost respect for and the other who will find out you didn't tell him.

Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 21:50

Not sure how I have become the rude one when I was called ridiculous and a twat but there you go.

OP posts:
MrsCosmopilite · 08/08/2014 21:57

So, is it the fact that she's engaged and interested in another man that's the problem? Or the fact that she's 22 and he's 19?

Agree that if she's engaged and genuinely interested then she should sort out whether she wants to stay engaged and take the risk of getting caught out, or end the relationship.

I get that you won't say anything either way, but you have rather drip-fed the story which makes it unclear as to what you're objecting to.

I think that you need to distance yourself from her. If she does go ahead and shag the younger bloke and her fiancee finds out, then you'll be in the firing line for not noticing/not telling.

FWIW someone I know had an ONS a month before she got married. The flingee was also engaged and flattered her loads and loads and loads. As she was stressed with many things (including the forthcoming wedding) she was more susceptible to his charms. Before she "did the dirty" I told her that I didn't think she should (she'd kept me 'in the loop' about the flirting/kissing etc.).
After the event the flingee dropped her like a hot coal. She regrets what happened. She went ahead with the marriage and now is very happy. Essentially, she made a big mistake. Better, however, to have made it before she committed fully to someone than afterwards.

DarkHeart · 08/08/2014 22:00

YABU. 22 is very young and 4 years is a small age gap.

PandaNot · 08/08/2014 22:10

Maybe she's realised that settling down isn't what she wants at all and she'd rather be out having fun with people her own age - and I'd say the 18yr old is more at her 'stage of life' than the 28yr old would be. You said they're colleagues too, so they've obviously got something in common. At 22, 28 seemed ancient.

plinth · 08/08/2014 22:17

22 is still practically a child!

Evidently she's not ready to get engaged (not hugely surprising) and has met someone she fancies.

She should break off the engagement and have a crack at this boy.

You should probably stay out of it.

18 and 22 - both kids Smile

deepest · 08/08/2014 22:17

"She says she has fallen for his funny/charming personality"

enough said...with staid judgy mates like you she must be gasping for air...!

I dont know if I am being out of line here or what

yes you are as unanimously posted above - enough said - back to your own life - live and let live -- he sounds fun to be around

MorphineDreams · 08/08/2014 22:18

At 22, 28 seemed ancient.

Think it depends really, when I was 22 DP was 28 and it wasn't old at all

mmmuffins · 08/08/2014 22:32

I dated an 18 year old when I was 25. Yes we were at different stages in our lives, but we had fun while it lasted. Eventually it was time to move on and we went out separate ways, and all was well.

Your friend is very young herself and I'm sure testing boundaries, learning about herself, and figuring out what she wants. That is ok!

It sounds like she really isn't ready for marriage though, so perhaps as her friend you can help her see that her own behaviour is showing her that?

TalisaMaegyr · 08/08/2014 22:36

I just honestly don't understand why you're so invested in it, that's all.

Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 22:38

Not sure how I have become the rude one when I was called ridiculous and a twat but there you go.

I didnt say that you were the rude one, I said that you were both rude but that you started with the rudeness. Frankly if you cant take it back, dont give it out. You were sarcastic and rude to Castle after she made a valid point, she responded in kind.

Dont know why I am bothering though, seen this sooooo often.

"AIBU?"

"YES"

"No I am not because...drip drip drip"

"Sorry, YAstillBU"

"You are all picking on me/being rude/offensive/stupid....waaaaah!"

You are sure you are right, so why ask?!

Lulabelle2013 · 08/08/2014 22:45

Ha ha ha - I am 39 and my DP is 22! We got together when he was 18.

A 17 year age gap and I have never been happier with a boyfriend :)

Make of that what you will but I don't think you need to be concerned about a four year gap at 22 and 18.

Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 22:45

Oh please go away.
There are a lot of commenters on this thread who seemed to be getting some sort of gratification out of taking the piss or being 'witty' and rude to a random on the internet.

And no castle started the rude and sarcastic behaviour, with her original rude and sarcastic post, thinking she was hilarious. Nothing to do with me justifying AIBU, but all to do with a lot of 'keyboard warriors' if you will, thinking they are all that.

OP posts:
TalisaMaegyr · 08/08/2014 22:48

You're so rude! Who are you telling to go away? The people offering an opinion on YOUR situation that YOU posted asking advice about? Confused

CafeAuLaitMerci · 08/08/2014 22:50

Love how it's fine for her to be with a 28yo (6 years older) but not an 18 year old (4 years younger). Sexist much?

Cheating on her fiancee - not cool, but she's a kid. She's probably scared of losing that stability while she works out what she really wants. Shame she can't get that stability from her friends or family, but needs her current fiancee.

18/22 - all still very very young. Definitely not 'a mature, professional, woman and a boy' PMSL.

Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 22:50

No I am telling the people more interesting in making snippy, sarcastic comments than giving their opinion. I am telling Bogey to go away but it x-posted

OP posts:
Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 22:52

Do you know what lets just close this thread and I'll ask on a different site where people aren't so keen to 'piss their sides laughing' at other peoples honest questions.

OP posts:
MorphineDreams · 08/08/2014 22:54

I don't know how people get on in real life to be honest if they can't cope with some of the replies on here - or is it just me?

cakey I honestly think you're just not happy at the replies you've been given because we don't agree. I think you'd find peoples humour agreeable if they'd have been on your side

CafeAuLaitMerci · 08/08/2014 22:55

Facebook maybe?

TeensRus?

ToyBoyHelpLine?

Oh - you can't 'close a thread' you can simply stop posting :) while the rest of us continue chatting & laughing

Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 23:02

No I don't think I would find the 'humour' to my taste in any situation. If find it a bit sad TBH the way on several of these threads key posters gang together to laugh at and make fun of others like some sort of high school clique, its all a bit juvenile. Perfect example 'while the rest of us continue chatting & laughing'

So thanks for the few posters who did give their honest opinions in a non-judgmental or snippy manner but gave me a balanced view. Please now continue to laugh at me, I hope it fills whatever void in your life you do it for.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 23:04

Who are you telling to go away?

That would be me, because I asked why she posted as she is sure she is right. I have not been rude, or snippy, or sarcastic or even ironic! The OP has been all of these things, but I am picking on her apparently. Hmm

And no, I wont go away, who the hell are you? The thread police?!