What would you say if your friend told you this

[cakeyblues]

My 22 y/o friend recently told me she has a crush on her 18 y/o colleague. He is a very young looking 18 y/o (I've met him) and could pass for 16. She says she has fallen for his funny/charming personality and is attracted to him physically too. This is confusing for me, I know legally there would be nothing wrong with them doing anything but it seems a bit weird to me. She said he has told her he is still a virgin and she has said (to me) she would like to be his first.

I don't know if I'm being out of line here or what, I just feel this is not an ok situation. Does anyone know what I mean/have any input.

I love the way you upped the ante by saying you would think she was some mid twenties woman taking her little 16 y/o brother out for the day

However it looks the facts are it is just a 4 year age gap and it's perfectly normal, not a bit weird.

She's not announced she's marrying this guy, or that she's pregnant by him or that she's selling all her worldly possessions and living in a shack far far away with only him - she's said she's attracted to him and would quite like to have sex with him, shocker! 2 legal, consenting, single adults might sleep together....nope, don't get the outrage?!

Has she ended the other relationship then? That's quite a turn around for her. Was the other relationship moving too fast for her?

Ok I'll change tactic-
You have a crush on 22 year old friend

I was 29 when I met my now husband and he was 20
We don't look strange
It's not weird
I'm not a pervert

Get a grip girl... Do you want him for yourself ??

It sounds like she isn't ready for settling down and wants to feel young again.

Oh, she's an engaged weirdo...

Or how about-
You have a fantasy of male virgins which your uncomfortable with and can't admit to.

This is all about you OP

Nobody can be this interested in other peoples sex lives. What makes you so fascinated?

I would think she has second thoughts about getting married and is unknowingly using the 18 year old as an emotional crutch to see her through the (impending) break up of her engagement. She does not want to get married. Not to your friend.

She is only 22, not ready for marriage at all, so her choice is a much younger lad where SHE can be the old mature person.

Makes perfect sense. Support her.

18 and 22 are really not that far apart in maturity.

Is she still engaged?

She is still engaged. She says she doesn't think she wants to split up with her current partner, but wants to sleep with Jay. It is really out of character for her.

So is she engaged?

Yes, she has made me promise not to tell her DP (my friend too).

Ok, so that makes it unreasonable in my eyes. Not the age gap, the unfaithful bit.
why did you focus on the age and not that??

Maybe I don't consider it a problem because as has been said upthread, 19-22 is much of a muchness. If the ages were reversed, and a 22 year old man was going out with a 19 year old woman who looked younger, would anyone care? I doubt it.

In my younger years it was the 'done thing' to get virginity over and done with, preferably before the old age of 16. I had a friend who basically leaped on a 13 year old boy (she was 11) to do the deed. Others had boyfriends/girlfriends through their teens, and another friend aged 15 persuaded someone else's brother to rid her of her 'burden'.

Someone else I met at 17 was the same age and had a 35 year old boyfriend. A friend aged 22 was dating her parent's 45 year old friend. Yet another friend aged 26 seduced her 50 year old tutor.
Me? I waited until I felt ready.

If they're interested in each other, they're both of age, it's their business.

Drip, drip drip...

God who cares, they are adults, leave them to it!

I had a thing for a 19-year-old when I was about 23 and with boyfriend who became (erroneously on my part) my H a few years later. I often wish I had gone for it. He was Canadian and looked like Christian Slater (this was in the early 90s). I sometimes think how different my life could have been.

I must say I never realised that the age difference was something to be concerned about.

Ok I missed the update. If she's engaged then it's out of the question. If they were both free and single, then not an issue.

If she's too chicken to split up with her fiancee and wants to cheat on him instead that's quite shitty of her. But not really your business. Stay out of it.

it's her plans to be unfaithful which would bother me, not the fact she fancies someone 4 years younger than her.

Why were you ok for her, at 22, to be engaged to a 28 yr old, but not to casually date an 18 year old? Clearly if she decided not to get married then she wasn't at the same life stage as her 28 yr old fiancé.

I would be more apprehensive for a friend if she was getting married very young (not that I would say anything, even to unconnected strangers on the internet) than I would about her having a bit of fun with someone slightly younger.

I suspect that the concern about your friend and the 18 yr old being at 'different life stages' is really concern that you and your friend are moving into different life stages from each other and you think you might become less close. You seem to be implying that 'going to V fest with a teenager' is a step down from 'planning for the future', but she's so young she has years ahead of her to save and plan, I think she's wise to make the most of her carefree years because you can't get them back when you're older.

God, talk about stealth updating. Obviously still being engaged makes a massive difference. I can't think why you didn't think it was important enough to mention in your OP.

Why are people attacking the op? She has mentioned something that has happened that made her feel uncomfortable and wasn't sure if she was unreasonable to feel this way.

She has stated that she wouldn't say anything in real life.

I really don't get some of the replies. Surely mumsnet is here for people to post their thoughts and feelings on issues.

the fact that she's planning to cheat on her fiance is unreasonable but not that age gap of who she wants to cheat on her partner with.