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Original poster

What would you say if your friend told you this

165 replies

cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 20:13

My 22 y/o friend recently told me she has a crush on her 18 y/o colleague. He is a very young looking 18 y/o (I've met him) and could pass for 16. She says she has fallen for his funny/charming personality and is attracted to him physically too. This is confusing for me, I know legally there would be nothing wrong with them doing anything but it seems a bit weird to me. She said he has told her he is still a virgin and she has said (to me) she would like to be his first.

I don't know if I'm being out of line here or what, I just feel this is not an ok situation. Does anyone know what I mean/have any input.

OP posts:
Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 21:15

Thank you Curiously

OP posts:
Curiouslygrumpycola · 08/08/2014 21:16

Growl, I think your point about the op realising her best friend is at a different stage from her, and being disconcerted by it, is an interesting one.

abigamarone · 08/08/2014 21:17

So no one on here with a 18 year old son would find it unusual that a 22 year woman was interested in your son?
Mine's 18, I wouldn't bother if he was dating a 22-year old. I would feel differently if he announced he'd fallen for a fifty-five year old grandmother.

Curiouslygrumpycola · 08/08/2014 21:18

Either way, I think you may need to distance yourself from your friend op. If she proceeds to have an affair it could be very difficult for you. Do you still socialise with her partner at all?

littlewhitebag · 08/08/2014 21:19

My almost 22 year old DD is dating the 19 year old younger brother of one of her old school friends. He is a very baby faced young looking lad. He is also very mature and sensible which is more than I can say for DD at times! He is lovely and I wholly support their relationship.

OP There is nothing wrong with your friends relationship. They are both consenting adults. Leave them alone.

pootlebug · 08/08/2014 21:19

The being unfaithful to fiance is a cause for concern. The age of the person in question isn't the issue.

FWIW the 'half your age + 7' rule is usually pretty good I think. And if you apply that rule, the 18 year old is within limits, and the 28 year old fiance isn't. (In case you have no idea what I'm talking about.....older party calculates half their age + 7....that age or older is an acceptable age gap). Sounds like she's not ready to settle down (unsurprising at 22) with a bloke who is. But she should break it off with him, and then get on with shagging the 18 year old.

MorphineDreams · 08/08/2014 21:21

Shine a light, I'd be having a laugh and a joke with her.

How come it's okay for a woman who's 18 to go out with a 22 year old man though?

Curiouslygrumpycola · 08/08/2014 21:24

Either way, I think you may need to distance yourself from your friend op. If she proceeds to have an affair it could be very difficult for you. Do you still socialise with her partner at all?

TalisaMaegyr · 08/08/2014 21:27

Is the young bloke your son, OP?

Terrierterror · 08/08/2014 21:28

Going to a festival sounds like a much more sensible thing to be doing at 22 than being engaged.

Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 21:29

I socialise with them both often, but consider her much, much closer now. It will be awkward if she continues in this vain and I worry for her DP.

But I am more worried that she is willing to throw everything away just to shag this boy. Its just not her at all, I don't understand where the change has come from. She was estatic to be engaged to her DP just a few months ago?

OP posts:
Terrierterror · 08/08/2014 21:30

Psst! 28/2 + 7 is 21 but I agree with you on the rest.

MorphineDreams · 08/08/2014 21:30

He isn't a boy he's a man.

So is the issue his age or her being engaged, because you seem to have changed halfway through

Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 21:33

The issue is her change. She has gone from (seemingly) engaged and contented to wanting to take a 18 y/o lads virginity overnight. I don't think that is normal.

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 08/08/2014 21:33

Sorry, not buying it. First you go red in the face about the horrendous age gap. Then, when you find no sympathy, you mention that she is engaged to someone else and just wants to have a fling.

Odd.

weatherall · 08/08/2014 21:34

I got engaged to a 17yo boy when I was 20.

When I was 25 I snogged an 18yo in a nightclub.

So I don't see the problem.

But looking back I think my friends ex was creepy to be a 24yo man shagging unprotected a 16yo girl. Ruined her life.

Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 21:35

I don't really need any one to 'buy it' thanks? Not sure what I'd have to gain by that.

OP posts:
MorphineDreams · 08/08/2014 21:35

Her engagement may have made her realise how young she is to be making such a commitment. She may be doubting herself, this might just be her outlet. Not saying she's right.

But the age thing isn't anything important to the whole scenario I don't think.

Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 21:37

I just cant comprehend why she would go from perfectly 'normal' life to wanting to secretly shag this lad. If a bloke was willing to cheat on his mrs so he could take a 18 year old girls virginity - with no interest in being with them would that be normal?

OP posts:
Brices · 08/08/2014 21:37

My thought too talisa
Have you considered watching a film called The Graduate OP?

Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 21:38

I am with Distance you didnt get the frothers screaming "Wont somebody think of the children, lock this woman up!" so you changed your story from being disgusted at the age gap to being worried that she is going to cheat on her fiance.

I dont suppose you would have bothered posting if the intended shag was 4 years older than her would you?

MorphineDreams · 08/08/2014 21:41

f a bloke was willing to cheat on his mrs so he could take a 18 year old girls virginit

To be honest I do think the reactions would perhaps be different, but OP you never mentioned her partner in your opening post so this obviously wasn't the issue here was it

Brices · 08/08/2014 21:41

"Normal"???
It's not "normal" to be this enthused with consenting adults sex lives

Original poster
cakeyblues · 08/08/2014 21:41

Do people on here get some kind of kick out of being unreasonably nasty to random strangers? I came to get a bit of perspective from others, not to be poked fun at and spoken to rudely.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 21:42

And before you say "I am worried about the change in her nature" this is what you posted about them. No mention at all of a fiance or cheating until you had been told in no uncertain terms that YABU.

She is a mature, older than her years woman and he is a teenage boy. I can't see the attraction

I just find it somewhat creepy

if you imagine the maturity of your average 18 y/o boy, I just can't see why a professional 22 y/o woman would be interested in him, especially with him being so young looking.

So no one on here with a 18 year old son would find it unusual that a 22 year woman was interested in your son?

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