Caught in the act . Mortified.

[SickOfAnts]

Have once again turned to MN as in RL there is only DH to talk to.

The barebones of the story are that DH and I were caught in the act yesterday by our DDIL and the ramifications seem to be totally over the top.

We've had a stressful couple of years. Our relationship was put into question over an event which happened nearly 30 years ago, was a horrid time and still now it is in the background.

Last year our DS1 announced that his girlfriend was pregnant, they're both students in pretty full on studies. We supported them 100% and i gave up work to look after our beautiful GD.

Yesterday we looked after our GD, DS and DDIL are on holiday from uni but we offered to give them a break.
DH came home for lunch and we fawned over DGD for a while and then put her down for her siesta.
One thing led to another (consenting adults in their 50's) and to cut a long story short DDIL arrived (very quietly) and caught us in a compromising position.

Mortification is not the word.

She went into the kitchen and DH spoke to her/apologised.
She was all kinds of embarrassed.
She woke up DGD and went home.

Since then all hell has broken loose. DS can't trust us to look after DGD, if we can't hear DDIL coming in then how could we hear a baby crying?

I could die. I feel dreadful.

DH has pulled rank and has basically told DS to just drop it.

I feel sick.

Thankyou for reading this far. I know this is a total non story but it's very upsetting and embarrassing for me and i needed to share.

Actually, I like UnlikelyAmazonian's posts.

This smells like one big fat stealth boast to me. Congrats, OP, you're still having feverish teenage sex in the living room in your fifties.

Next...

Unlikely Amazon Are you feeing quite well? The degree of (totally uncalled for) bile you are directing at the OP is staggering.

She is responding to you in a much more ladylike fashion than I would!

Is sex in one's fifties not the norm, then?

I bet DDIL and DS never have sex while DGD is sleeping, of course.

DDIL needs to get over herself.

As do some people on this thread.

Pistol

I am jealous.

YANBU. It sounds like a good plan to invite your DS and wife over and to never mention this again. They reacted in a silly way.

UnlikelyAmazonian

What a treat you are.

Fgs, I'm not directing any bile. It's a very interesting point.

So: let me get this straight: you would expect a childminder you are paying, not to have sex while your child is in her care.

Is that right?

Why on earth cant people you pay to look after your sleeping baby for a short while, not spend that time fawning over the baby then going somewhere on the same floor to have sex?

If I was paying a child minder she could do whatever she pleased while my baby was asleep in her own home.
I wouldn't be too keen if it was a nanny (not live in) or a babysitter on my sofa, though.

I bet the DIL won't be able to be in that part of the house very soon either.

I am Spartacus. He was a treat, too.

OP, you don't have to respond to posters if you don't won't to. I'd ignore any posters who I thought were being unpleasant and weird
Hopefully, MNHQ will introduce a hide poster option soon.

PistolWhipped
I would imagine the majority of couples still have sex in their 50's.
Would be a sad state of affairs if not.
50's the new 40 doncha know.

I would ring the bell of the child minder's home though.

I usually don't walk in my parent's home, even though I have a key.
They are well into their 70s and AFAIK still having trying to sex.

Didn't you post about this last year OP- not the same thing, but about your DS and his girlfriend and the accidental pregnancy and all the angst due to her parents being religious?
if not, forgive me- must be confused.

But if you are the same poster then I seem to recall the PG was an accident and there was a real family kerfuffle over what to do about it as the 2 young 'uns were students. blah blah, with all their lives ahead of them blah blah.

So- if that is she-the daughter in law- she has a bit of a nerve.

And she's still very young. And only able to continue her studies because you help her out?

Pots and kettles. People in glass houses- whatever, but maybe remind her.

Lwejiwrites

If I was paying a child minder she could do whatever she pleased while my baby was asleep in her own home.

Fascinating.

Of course she can. I wouldn't put cameras to check what she was doing in her own home.

A baby being looked after by granny is being looked after in a family situation, and anything a mum and dad would do whilst the baby is with them is ok for granny and grandad to do as well.

I'm currently on holiday alone with half of my grandchildren. My children are happy in the knowledge the wee ones are being looked after the way they were.

It's a family thing and nothing in the world like the situation with a child minder

When I paid a childminder, it never even occurred to me to ask what she did while DS1 was sleeping. I'm not sure it actually matters.

Regardless, there's a big difference between paying for a service and someone doing you a favour.

Do you tip your friends when they invite you round for tea and serve you food at the table? Thought not.

Arrrgh.

Hard one.

If I was DIL, yes I'd be annoyed. Probably my embarrassment would contribute to this. But your lack of awareness if your surroundings would annoy me more.

But. I sleep when DS naps. So is that a greater lack of awareness than when I'm shagging? DH has certainly come home without waking me up.

You see Lweji, social services do not see it this way.

I wonder if the DS and DIL only have sex when the baby is not in the home. I.e. when the gp are taking care of her.
How are their studies going?

I'm with those who say they can see why the DIL reacted in the moment the way she did. It's a bit of an 'oh' moment to realise your PFB isn't the sole focus of someone's attention round the clock, even when asleep, and couple that with extreme embarrassment yourself and you get an extreme reaction. However, when everyone's calmed down, it ought to be possible to get past this. As many posters have said, the cost alone will be offputting to them - are you looking after DGC full time? If so, that's at least 700pm wherever you live, surely.

As regards 'being irresponsible', a harsh person might be inclined to think 'well, were they being entirely responsible when they got pregnant while still both university students, and went ahead knowing they'd be reliant on other people to help them out?' And who, at that point, reassured them, bailed them out, made sacrifices in their own life to offer practical help? That would be you. Don't feel embarrassed. You did one thing that was embarrassing at the time but in the overall balance, you have done much more to help and support them, enough to cancel that out with a lot more to spare. They'd be sensible to see it that way.

My childminder used to go for a shit sometimes.

I wouldn't have wanted to see it, but I didn't begrudge her the pleasure.

Line,