Caught in the act . Mortified.

[SickOfAnts]

Have once again turned to MN as in RL there is only DH to talk to.

The barebones of the story are that DH and I were caught in the act yesterday by our DDIL and the ramifications seem to be totally over the top.

We've had a stressful couple of years. Our relationship was put into question over an event which happened nearly 30 years ago, was a horrid time and still now it is in the background.

Last year our DS1 announced that his girlfriend was pregnant, they're both students in pretty full on studies. We supported them 100% and i gave up work to look after our beautiful GD.

Yesterday we looked after our GD, DS and DDIL are on holiday from uni but we offered to give them a break.
DH came home for lunch and we fawned over DGD for a while and then put her down for her siesta.
One thing led to another (consenting adults in their 50's) and to cut a long story short DDIL arrived (very quietly) and caught us in a compromising position.

Mortification is not the word.

She went into the kitchen and DH spoke to her/apologised.
She was all kinds of embarrassed.
She woke up DGD and went home.

Since then all hell has broken loose. DS can't trust us to look after DGD, if we can't hear DDIL coming in then how could we hear a baby crying?

I could die. I feel dreadful.

DH has pulled rank and has basically told DS to just drop it.

I feel sick.

Thankyou for reading this far. I know this is a total non story but it's very upsetting and embarrassing for me and i needed to share.

It doesn't matter if you were swinging from the chandelier in a rubber gimp suit. It's still your home.

If you walk into someone else's home, you take the chance that you might see something that you really didn't want to. Your DIL took that risk and this time she saw more than she'd bargained for.

They seriously need to get over their stupid over-reaction and apologise for their OTT behaviour! Maybe they intend never to do the deed again and not have any more children ever!

Try and face up to him over this "Yes, we were having sex, but of course I could hear GD if she cried. Do you and DDIL never have sex in your house while GD is asleep? Now are you really going to change the childcare arrangements over this?"

This, definitely. You could also mention "do you think we never had sex after DS was born??"

And as far as not in the bedroom, for heaven's sake, so what? I don't care if you were on the kitchen table (although you know now we're all going to want to know! ), I'm baffled by the reaction quite frankly. Was it where the DGD could have seen if she woke up? Is THAT why DDIL is upset?? Because if she got pregnant last year, that baby can't be old enough to understand anything they saw anyway.

I wonder how they manage to have sex now they have a child. We were always having it off as soon as ds1 nodded off. It's the only way we managed to conceive 3 more. We have no DILs but have been 'caught' by a teenaged son at least twice. It was embarrassing at the time, but we all got over it quite promptly. The last time it happened DH was caught with my (think it was my right!) nipple in his mouth, but no other clothing had been rearranged. Poor boy was . I'm so glad he didn't report us to Childline.

I don't suggest you tell your DIL she should grow up, OP, but please do think it. Hopefully one of them will get over their common-sense/ sense of humour bypass soon. Meantime you've done nothing wrong.

The poster who said i need to get a grip is right. Can you give me one?

I'm a very private person/prude. Ironic that i should be discussing this on a public forum.

On the whole scheme of things this should be a non issue, i know that.

Honestly, don't get all upset. You need to get annoyed at their reaction.

I would sit back and say nothing. Try (as hard as it is) to not be embarrassed around them. Let them see if they want to use other childcare.

I'm with pp about her just letting herself in. Fine if you've told her you might be out the back or she's dropping something off but when you're there, rude not to knock.

My own parents live in a four storey house so I used to always ring the bell, then let myself in and shout out a greeting loudly just in case there was some sight that may scar me for the rest of my days

They'll get over themselves soon enough!

Your DIL shouldn't even have walked into your house. If anyone is in the wrong she is. How rude.

I would say nothing too. They will talk themselves out of their outrage when they realise they don't have anyone else wanting to look after their baby for free.

Copper I snorted through my nose. Cheers for that

OP it was unfortunate but not the end of the world.

I am not really sure what they want you to do about it. It's not like you can turn back time is it?

She is clearly embarrassed and a lil bit too immature to deal with it and your son just doesn't want to accept you have a sex life.

Plus their argument is invalid. I have tried to have sex with a crying baby upstairs and trust me it's a sound like no other. You cannot continue even Hugh Heffner would struggle.

Stand firm and let them calm down. No doubt you will be ok again once they need a babysitter

i do so hope that our free childcare arrangement doesn't cloud their view.

Would rather they recognised that i do a good job than settle for me because costs would be prohibitable.

Am feeling better already.

The wonders of MN.

Yes, your DIL will just need to learn to announce her arrival loudly in future.

As someone else has said offer to get a baby monitor if you don't have one already so there is no question of not hearing the baby. However obviously this isn't really about that but I can see why they might feel a bit worried if your dil managed to come in and effectively sneak up on you without you hearing anything!

The having sex bit is neither here nor there really. I think your dil was rude just to walk in regardless of cultural differences etc. Surely it is reasonable to expect someone to knock??

That's crazy!! You raised your son so why all of a sudden does he think you can't look after a child?

Also yes, I'm assuming they're now celibate and will have no further children. Or maybe they only have sex when you are providing childcare. Maybe that's why they're so mad!!! Now their childcare has gone down the pan, they have no opportunities for sex.

OP, I've only just read the first post.

Take deep breaths.

Now tell your son and daughter-in-law where to get off.

You're married. You shag. The baby was asleep. Daughter in law should have gone out as soon as she realised and not mentioned it to anyone.

Congratulations on getting your relationship back to the point where you can shag happily when the opportunity arises.

If they don't want childcare from you, let it go. But they'd be wrong.

Good luck.

Actually, this reminds me of replying to the sixteen year old pregnant girl yesterday. There are some very jolly problems arising at the moment.

The not knocking thing is truely the norm here. She's not to blame.

We should have locked the door but didn't really get round to it.

It was lunchtime, nobody in their right mind would disturb anyone at LUNCHTIME!

(DDIL turned up nearly 2 hours early)

God oh God,flashbacks.

What a sheltered life i lead to be so stressed about this pathetic tale.

Going to have to bite the bullet and call my sister. Ridiculous bloody me.

OH SickOfAnts, I'm sure you do a great job! Don't feel you have to make this up to them, you haven't done anything wrong!

You are doing them a massive favour, it's not like being a paid nanny where you need to be professional, you are a family member giving your DGC a form of childcare that's like being looked after by family, there's upsides and downsides of that.

If your DS wants a professional childcarer, then he'll have to pay for that, but he can't demand you behave like this is your workplace rather than your home.

If she turned up nearly 2 hours early, and embarrassed you in your own home.... she should be apologizing to you!!

They're being ridiculous and talking an absolute pile of shite. If you couldn't hear an adult quietly letting themselves into the house, they reckon you wouldn't be able to hear a baby crying? Bollocks! Babies' cries are piercing, they cut through everything else and make adults come running, exactly as they are designed to do. Of course you'd hear the baby crying, of course you'd stop. I have had a baby upstairs start crying while we were mid-shag, and there is no mood killer like it. It's worlds apart from the sound of an opening door.

You gave up YOUR JOB to look after THEIR baby, and they're pitching a fit because you carried on with your normal life while the baby was asleep. If it was any other activity they wouldn't bat an eyelid, but oh noes, Mum and Dad having sex! Yuck! Sheesh.

DIL should be apologising to you for walking in on you without announcing herself. They're being ungrateful and immature, and if you like you can copy and paste everything I've just written and send it to them. Hey DS and DIL, pull your heads out of your arses and appreciate the free childcare you're getting.

You're all echoing DH's arguements.

He's very chilled out about the whole thing.

He's very much of the "Chin up old girl, worse things happen at sea" school of thought.

OK, tomorrow shall invite DS et al for dinner and shall make no reference to the current debacle.
Normal service resumed.

(Shall drink massive quantities of gin)

Hmmm I'd feel embarrassed walking in on MiL having sex but tbh I'd walk straight out again and not disturb you if at all possible. Failing that I'd laugh and apologise

I think their reaction is childish and more about them trying to punish you for the crime of a) having sex in your 50s and b) being parents and doing so!

I know this isn't funny in the slightest OP but I am fighting a giggle. Baby was asleep and I certainly hope when I am fifty odd my DP and I are still spontaneous

DIL is embarrassed. But also behaving ridiculously. Don't rise to it let them do whatever. I'm sure they will come around.

if we can't hear DDIL coming in then how could we hear a baby crying?

LOL

Does he have any idea how loud a baby cry is?
(I bet he doesn't wake up during the night either)

Yes. cal your sister, let her laugh at you. That might give you a different perspective.

Then she too can talk to your DS and DIL, and tell them they are being a bit precious.

After all, they sleep don't they? Or do they take it in shifts?

As for bejng embarrassed. you need to look DIL in the eye and tell her that for the next 20 years she will be desperately grabbing a shag whenever the kid/s aren't looking in her direction, let alone waiting for the limited moments when they are all safely asleep.