Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP still out, please can someone tell me to stop crying

139 replies

fatedtopretend · 03/08/2014 05:48

DP and I don't live together, when he goes out he tends to stay out a day or 2 usually. He invited DD and I to sleep at his last night, went to meet his friends for a few hours around 6pm and still isn't back.
I had a missed call around 1am from one of his friend's phones (his phone will have died) but nothing else.

I really hope he gets back before DD wakes up, she will be gutted.

OP posts:
LairyPoppins · 03/08/2014 05:51

Sorry you are feeling upset, you deserve better than this. He sounds like a cock. Why are you in the relationship?

RRRJ83 · 03/08/2014 05:51

Ok, stop crying.

If I were you I would get up and go home. He needs to see it's not ok to treat either of you like that. Is he just out with friends drinking etc? 2days? Seriously? Is that really the sort of example you want setting for your DD?

AngryBeaver · 03/08/2014 05:52

Ok, I have to say it. LTB.
Going out and staying put for a Day or two? Who does that?! No on i know.

Usually people go out, have a good time and come home to their loved ones and sleep it off.

Do you really want lifetime of this for you and your dd?
No. So dump him.

JenniferJo · 03/08/2014 05:53

Get up and dressed and go home. This is not the kind of man you want in your child's life. Dump him.

thestamp · 03/08/2014 05:54

Agree that you should just get a cab/drive home once dd is up.

He really does sound a clock and you don't need to put up with this...

AngryBeaver · 03/08/2014 05:56

And I have to agree with Lairy. He sounds like a massive cock.

And incredibly self centred and immature. You can find someone else that treats you much better, trust me.
Don't let dd grow up seeing you (mis) treated in this way and you tolerating it.

daisychain01 · 03/08/2014 06:00

Your DD is the most important person. Do you want her growing up believing men are unreliable, thoughtless and unstable?

Why expose that little girl to that experience?

Original poster
fatedtopretend · 03/08/2014 06:10

I know you are all saying leave him but I do not want to. He is not abusive, he does not hurt me, he likes to enjoy himself when he goes out-that's all. I am just sad that he's stayed out when he invited us here as it seems like he can't have fun with me anymore-it's like the only people who make him happy are his friends. I miss sex, I miss fun with him, it's all a bit shit

OP posts:
LairyPoppins · 03/08/2014 06:14

He is hurting you. You are upset and crying. His actions are saying, loud and clear - you mean nothing to me.
He doesn't care about you in any meaningful way. Have more self respect for yourself and more ambition for your daughter.
Leave. Make your own life. Find a real man. There are lots of them out there.

aurynne · 03/08/2014 06:17

How would HE react if you invited him to stay at yours and then you left to go with your friends?

sleepysleepy · 03/08/2014 06:19

Why would you accept that this is enough?
Don't let someone make you feel shit. It's really not what a relationship is supposed to be about: you're better off alone than letting someone treat you like this. Aim higher.

sleepysleepy · 03/08/2014 06:22

And I know you say he's not abusive. Maybe not. But he's not putting you and your dd first, and that's unlikely to ever change. Are you ok with that?

daisychain01 · 03/08/2014 06:28

He is not abusive, he does not hurt me, he likes to enjoy himself when he goes out-that's all

What a great yardstick to measure your relationship by, he doesn't beat you up and, OK he just thinks about himself, but he'll probably stumble back home again eventually .... we'll be here waiting for him.

You are handing it to him on a silver plate, he doesn't need to think, or make an effort. Easy life.

Sorry to sound harsh, its aimed more at his appalling behaviour, but the fact you put up with it is very sad for your DD who you say will be gutted....

Chottie · 03/08/2014 06:32

I would go home too. Arrange to do something fun with your DD today, please don't wait around for this man to 'make' your life when he has nothing better to do.

SecretWitch · 03/08/2014 06:49

You need to make yourself and your dd the priorities right now. This man is not interested in you or your child. He has abandoned you to go play with his friends. Please think carefully about how you want to present healthy, caring relationships to your daughter.

NorksAreMesssy · 03/08/2014 06:51

Oh, sweetheart :(
You are worth so much more than this.

Please gather up your DD, your belongings and your dignity and stalk out with your head held high.
How DARE he treat you like this, you are FAR too special to allow this to happen today or any day in the future.
A steely silence, no contact and building a busy life away from him is the only way you will be happy in the future.

whattodoforthebest2 · 03/08/2014 07:05

If, in years to come, your DD rings you in exactly the same situation one Sunday morning, would you be pleased for her and proud that she is in a happy, secure relationship, or disappointed that she has such low expectations?

If you accept this behaviour now, you'll keep on getting the same treatment. Your DD deserves better and so do you.

FunkyBoldRibena · 03/08/2014 07:08

Yeah, I can see why you don't want to leave. Sounds like a barrel of laffs.

jaynebxl · 03/08/2014 07:17

Horrible. And unlikely to improve but rather to get worse. How long have you been together and how old is he? Time to show you're not at his beck and call.

LIZS · 03/08/2014 07:20

How old is he ? Bet he's been boasting that you are waiting to give him sex. A control issue and disrespectful , please leave now.

JenniferJo · 03/08/2014 07:21

He has no respect for you at all. Even worse he has no respect for your child. Find your pride and get out. You are too god for this.

JenniferJo · 03/08/2014 07:21

*good

PinkSquash · 03/08/2014 07:23

You say he doesn't hurt you, but you are upset by his lack of thought and care for you and your DD. You said your DD would be gutted if he wasn't there, is that the life you want your DD to have?

MyCrazyLife · 03/08/2014 07:24

Ok, you don't have to leave him. But please, just go back to yours when dd wakes up. You have this absolute advantage that most on here don't - your own house. You don't have to sit there waiting for him.

Trust me, I know, I have been here. If it makes it easier just tell yourself you are staying together, but today you have more important things to do than cry so you need to get back to yours. At best he's being seriously rude; selfish.

There's no benefit in you staying, anyway. When he comes back he'll probably be very drunk/hungover and in no mood for talking.

whatadrain · 03/08/2014 07:26

I would have gone home tbh. It's one thing to let you down, but to let down your DD is not on. Clearly you and your DD are not his priority and if this relationship goes further, this will only happen again! Sorry OP Hmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread