My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

MIL is sabotaging our wedding.

158 replies

dimplesinmybuttcheeks · 31/07/2014 15:43

She texted me on Monday evening – but addressed the text to my H2B – calling me petty and saying there was a major problem with her daughter trying on the bridesmaid dress saying “every bride would want there Bridesmaids to look their best – don’t you think???” I ignored it – and Hubby 2b called her and explained the dresses were elsewhere and until we had them the bridesmaid could then come and try it on...

Roll on to this past Saturday night…

She caused an argument with my sister at my hen do, she grabbed my sister, and was shouting in her face, my sister gave her as good as she got - we spoke on the Sunday and just said to just forget it - she then woke up on the Monday morning and texted me saying she wanted a full apology from my sister (who is married herself with kids) to go to her with my mum and dad so they can hear her apologise....or else she fears something will happen on the wedding day as HER family are aware of what has happened and are not happy....

I texted back she isn't going to get an apology and how dare she ask when she is the one causing all her own upset (not the first argument she has caused the last time she has been nose to nose with me at our friends wedding - who she has since texted to tell them she is worried about my H2B - and she is not a liar and is not a trouble maker...this is 11pm at night)

she has told me, and H2B's friends - and her family - that they will all not be attending H2B's wedding as I am scum, and if he chooses her over me and THAT family then he can f8ck off out of her house and never come back. – (we already live together and I was at the bottom of the stairs) – he came running down after more shouting and screaming and we left. He was heartbroken. I spent the night consoling him.

He’s dad came over Tuesday night after we had been to marriage preparation and backed up what his mother said – she wont come to wedding until she gets an apology – my sister wont be giving an apology as she has done nothing wrong. My friends saw what happened (the one she texted) – me and hubby quite rightly couldn’t care less who said what or started what – we just want this to be dropped and forgotten about so we can get married in peace!!

She was screaming that he was her first love, her first born, her first son. Is she struggling that her son is now growing up and becoming a man?

His sister, as much as she says doesn’t want to get involved – then proceeds to text him through the night….telling him that she misses him, he is her big brother – always will be, and will stick by him whatever he decides…(?) basically acting as if he is emigrating.

The church, cars, venue, tog, dresses, shoes, presents have all been bought. I am heartbroken. I am gutted she could do this to her son - and also to have no respect for me. It's my wedding. I am the bride - not her. He hasn't chosen any sides, we don't know how the argument started. She said my sister was probably jealous that I was getting all the attention on my hen night. She arranged it - because I arranged hers years ago.

He is due to go and see her tonight and have a heart to heart with her. She will probably try and turn him against me. He said he will walk out but she is manipulating him by saying no one will come to the wedding. I don't know if he could go through with it without his family - they mean the world to him and she knows it. He said it will happen 100% with or without them and is adamant he wants to sit down and talk things through with his mum sensibly.

OP posts:
Report
SarcyMare · 04/08/2014 22:22

"See how your Mil has behaved, and is behaving, and we can pretty much predict her future behavior.
And that of your husband. Saying he has enough, but not having the back bone to side with you."

fully agree my MIL was outright rude about me once, my OH told her where she could go and stormed out the house, she never tried again because I had won, you MIL is winning every single time

Report
campingfilth · 05/08/2014 06:16

You will not win this battle, you and your children will never come first. Plus if you think this is bad wait until the manipulation starts regarding her grandchildren.

I'd be cancelling the wedding, it might cost you more than £10k to divorce. In fact I'd cancel the wedding but still have the reception for all your friends and your side of the family.

Report
QuintessentiallyQS · 05/08/2014 06:58

Divorce is going to be a whole different minefield in a catholic family. No law can break what god has united, and all that, so you may not be free of her if you divorce. Especially not if there are chdren!

I agree divorce will be more expensive.

Why not just look upon this as a very expensive mistake where you did not consider the wider implications of marrying into this family, and fun for the hills?

What is there to love about him?

He is more loyal to his batshit crazy manipulating mother, and put her well being ahead if yours on Your Wedding S
Day!

Report
QuintessentiallyQS · 05/08/2014 06:59

Random s insertion.

Report
Sylvana · 05/08/2014 07:21

I agree with the other posters. It he hasn't the balls to stand up to her for the most important day of your life, he will never stand up for you against her. She knows this, that's why she is behaving this way.

Report
goshhhhhh · 05/08/2014 08:51
  • Op- is your mil to be English?
Report
Whereisegg · 05/08/2014 10:47

I hope you are ok op, it must be heartbreaking to hear the same thing from us all.

Report
Meerka · 05/08/2014 12:39

I suspect she may have taken a break from the thread.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.