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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling smothered

183 replies

Beautifulmonster · 26/07/2014 17:16

Been seeing a guy for a year. What do you think of the following:

  • about 20 texts a day, more if I don't reply, even more if we have had a falling out
  • at least 3 phone calls a day (I hate talking on the phone) sometimes at inconvenient times eg when I am at work and he knows I can't talk
  • pretending to be cool about me going out (I rarely go out) but when I do making me feel guilty by saying, I wish you had told me before and asking the same questions over and over eg about who is going as if to catch me out
  • when I had builders in my home, kept turning up unexpectedly at odd times as if to check up on me
  • ringing me all day long about what time the builders were finishing and what time they left and did they phone and who phoned etc
  • turned up outside my home at 9am one Sunday after a rare Saturday night to myself (he lives 30 miles away) accusing me of having a man in the house as my friend's car was on the drive and she had got a taxi home. He had driven to my home to check up on me
  • asking over and over about drinks in my fridge and saying the lager was a man's drink, who was it for etc
  • offering to do things to help me out but putting himself out so much it embarrasses me and then throwing at me in an argument that he feels used
It is as if he doesn't have enough in his life. He keeps texting saying he is bored. It puts pressure on me. I have tried to end it several times but he says he will fight for me. I know I have got to say a definitive no and stick to it. Can you understand why I am feeling smothered?
OP posts:
maras2 · 27/07/2014 19:16

Good luck love.

pictish · 27/07/2014 19:17

Hope everything's ok there.

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/07/2014 19:18

Thinking of you BM. Stay safe. Let us know you are ok later.

knowledgeispower · 27/07/2014 19:20

Good luck OP, thinking of you.

LindyHemming · 27/07/2014 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatKisser · 27/07/2014 19:33

Oh hell, OP!
Hoping you are ok and the police are ensuring your safety.

Hissy · 27/07/2014 19:43

Let us know you're ok love.

Sadly this is common, so there are many of us that have been through this and can relate to what you're going through.

Remember this is HIS choice to do this. Nothing you have done meaans you deserve any of this.

These men work to a script, so sadly it comes as no surprise to us.

We're here for you love!

TillyWithercoat · 27/07/2014 19:55

I hope you've told friends/famiy/neighbours what's going on.

And contact the police too for advice/support if you haven't already done so. I'd suggest if he turns up again or makes any hint of a threat you ring the police.

Keep strong.

FabULouse · 27/07/2014 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RedRoom · 27/07/2014 20:15

LumpySpacedPrincess
I hate the phrase that he will fight for you. You are a human being, not a thing. If you have ended it before then it is patronising that he doesn't take you at your word.

Exactly this. He has no concept of your free will and thinks that he can impose himself on you whenever he chooses. I'm glad you've involved the police, as his behaviour was concerning.

I'd also listen to the earlier comment about checking your PC for key loggers, and I'd change your passwords and switch off your phone location tracker. A man this jealous and controlling may have tried to keep tabs on your PC / phone use.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 27/07/2014 20:16

Oh sweetheart. Stay safe and stay strong. Good idea to involve the police, this sends a clear message.

It sounds like you stayed in this relationship out of fear not love.

Sending positive thoughts your way love.

ladygracie · 27/07/2014 20:19

Take care & stay safe. Hope the police respond quickly.

kernowgal · 27/07/2014 20:47

Another one hoping you're OK and sending you lots of strength.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 27/07/2014 20:49

I hope you're safe. Any doubts at any point, call the police. You've done the right thing.

Frogisatwat · 27/07/2014 21:12

Hope all okay...

ilovelamp82 · 27/07/2014 21:18

Hope you've got someone with you and the police helped. Hopefully standing firm early on like this will mean he gets the message. Well done

Let us know you're ok when you have a chance.

SolidGoldBrass · 27/07/2014 21:23

Good luck, and don't be scared to involve the police when necessary. You owe this loser nothing, not even basic courtesy. It's absolutely fine to dump an unsatisfactory partner and refuse any further contact. The police will act eg come and arrest him if he turns up at your house and won't go away. You will be able to get a court order keeping him away as well. You'll be fine. Well done for dumping.

hamptoncourt · 27/07/2014 21:24

I am so sorry it has turned out this way. He really is running true to form isn't he?

Get a full report from the police and see if you can get an injunction out against him.

Good luck. Thanks

TalisaMaegyr · 27/07/2014 21:30

You poor thing. I really hope you're ok.

ballsballsballs · 27/07/2014 21:36

Hope you're okay OP. Flowers

Handywoman · 27/07/2014 21:44

Thinking of you, OP. Hope you are safe.

Oscarandelliesmum · 27/07/2014 21:49

Also thinking of you OP. There are way too many of these threads with nice, sane women having to deal with abusive wankers.....

wannabestressfree · 27/07/2014 21:57

Hope your ok op. Stay strong

BecauseIsaidS0 · 27/07/2014 21:58

Thinking of you, OP.

Meerka · 27/07/2014 22:07

Call yoru firends and family and let them know what's happening. You need their support as well as the police

just a silly thought, maybe a bad idea ... is it worth askign his ex how she got rid of him, if you're in contact and on good terms? he'll have done the same with her

beautiful good luck. Stay safe Flowers

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