I am trying very hard not to be homesick, and realistically know our life is here, but I am dreading going home in 2 days

[QuintessentiallyQS]

I know I will have a month at home, and feel bitter sweet sadness, yet happyness at being there, and sad that our lives cant be there.

Most of the time I am ok with how life is panning out for us in the UK, but every time I go home it is an emotional roller coaster.

I have friends and family. Plenty of people to see and meet up with. Friends to go out for meals with, visit, and people inviting us for dinner/drinks. My oldest son have plenty of good friends that want to meet up with him.

We go mountain trekking, bbq'ing on the beach, wild camping with our tents, etc. With friends.

Living there is not an option. Living there did not really work out as well as we hoped, for many reasons. Our boys are reasonably settled here. Ds1 starting Y8 in a good independent, and ds2 starting Y5 in Catholic primary.
DH has good job. I bumble along, doing an MBA at a uni back home through distance learning, and try to be happy. Try to exercise, and work part time.

I dont know what to do with my life. I feel unable to rejoin the work force properly full time, and now I just wonder if should just throw in the towel and become an eternal student of long distance courses just to keep my brain ticking over.

I feel so torn! It is like there is nothing for me, and I am a passenger in my own life, facilitating all the living and fulfillment from dh and dc.

Beanstalk (co-ordinator for reading volunteers in Wandsworth, Merton & Sutton). I should have said First Story are looking for someone to maximize their social media presence.

This just popped up in my facebook feed:

www.theguardian.com/voluntary-sector-network/2014/mar/01/best-bits-moving-career-charity

its like I am a passenger in my own life

This resonated with me so much. I have spent the last two years not working. Before that I ran and then sold my own business and before that had a proper job (I.e. Salaried).

I have found not being employed/working very hard despite keeping myself busy by attempting to write a novel, taking up yoga and cycling, and running the school PTA. But I constantly just feel like I am watching my husband and kids live their lives while I put on the next load of laundry, cook the next meal and rush to get to the next kids' activity before sitting around bored waiting for it to end.

I am not from the uk but now view it as my home. We moved from the countryside to the city two years ago and while there are bits of it I love, I still can't shake the feeling that I am not living the life I was meant to live. I don't see how to change it without massively disrupting the kids schooling again and frankly, find a new husband because we don't seem to want the same lifestyle. If I raise the fact that I'm not happy, dh gets upset as he views it as a criticism of him given how hard he works.

I think sometimes it is my own inability to just be happy that is the problem. No matter where we live or what I do, I might always be like this.

What I am doing is trying to change what I can. I am setting up my own business again and may well need to team up with someone with your skill set. What's more, I love the outdoors and part of my new business will enable women in business to get out and enjoy the outdoors with other like-minded women.

So if you fancy having a chat, pm me. No problem if you don't but I wanted to reach out as you sound very similar to me.

X

joshandjamie - try mindfulness
this guy makes perfect sense to me:
www.buddhistbootcamp.com/

I am not living between two countries or anything as complicated , but I do also feel like a I am a passenger in my own life or in fact in someone else's life, so I wanted to say that you are not alone.

I live in a house I hate but which suits dh and the children , in a place which suits others.I do a job which although I moderately enjoy is mostly good because it suits our family life etc etc.ans so it goes on .

Just a quick "popping my head in" to say I am really thankful for all your views, and shared experiences. It makes me feel somewhat less alone in this to hear that it is not so uncommon to feel this way.

I will be re-reading thread again now as so much advice, and I want make sure I have not missed anything.

Thanks for links.

It has been another week. It is so much clearer in my mind now.

It is not Londons fault, nor Britain. I love England and I love London, but I dont love my life there. It is not just a case of the grass being greener, I am a different person at "home". It is a combination of the outdoors life style, with friends and family.

In London I dont have the life style. I dont have friends, and I dont have family. I did not realize how bad life would be for me in London when we decided to return.

I lost the few friends I had in the years we were back in Norway. I did not lose any friends in Norway in the years we were in Britain.
I dont like feeling like a foreigner. Always having my great command of English applauded by strangers. Always being asked "where are you from?" and for it to be followed by "But your English is very good". It is not that I dont like being complimented, I just dont like being set apart and judged.

The important thing for me is :

1. The lifestyle
2. Friends / Family
3. many other little niggles about life here or there.

I told dh yesterday that I could not live another 20 years with the lonelyness and the longing.

I will return to Norway within the next year.

Hi QS, glad you are feeling clearer about it all now and know what you are doing about it

I have contacted you before asking if you want to meet up - I don't know why but you have never got back to me - I live near you, maybe I just don't sound like your type. I think other people have reached out to you too - maybe you have got on well with them but it sounds as if you haven't as you say you don't have any friends.

I am glad you have decided that you prefer Norway, much better that you have made a decision rather than just making do and waiting for your life to pass.

Eastpoint, if the OP is using her phone to come on here, it's so easy to lose track of posts or even not see them. Please don't take it personally.

I am SO glad for you that you have made the decision, Quint. Fwiw, I think it's the right one.

I completely understand your comments about saying something to someone and having them respond with a comment about the language instead of addressing the substance of what you say. I live with that and it is horrible.

QS, having just come back to the UK after a 3 week holiday in the counter of my origin (Germany) your OP really resonated with me.
I've been here for 20 years, I know and accept it is now my home, but I do miss the lifestyle that better weather/family contact/friends I have a long shared history with.

I am not sure I have any pearls of wisdom

Counting my blessings helps.
I know I'll feel better after a period of transition.

And as far as the outdoor lifestyle goes, Scotland is fab
Leave The Big Smoke and move to Scotland. HTH

Seriously, I do hope you find a way forward to greater contentment and happiness.

Oh crap, I missed your last sentence.

Having made the decision to return to Norway, you might find that you find London much more bearable.

QQS Just skimmed the first few and last pages of this thread.

Would your DH be able to find work in a Northern city? You'd probably love Newcastle, or even Manchester, as it has good access to the Lake district and a way of life you'd enjoy so much more (though I have never been to Manchester so have no experience of the city itself).

I'm assuming that what you do can be done from anywhere with good Internet links, of course.

I think that might be a worthwhile compromise, though.

Having been in Durham for over a decade, now (gorgeous, btw) I find Newcastle big and overwhelming, these days, though occasionally pop up for days out and sorta work. I found London hideous when I lived in Newcastle/Gateshead, so I do sympathise.

And how did I miss your last post?!

Glad you made a decision, but if you do ever bounce back again, you definitely need to make it not London.

Glad I am not the only numpty, ouryve

I need to catch up with your thread tomorrow - I read it in the early days of you starting it and felt that your husband has a pretty good life and that you seem to be paying for it.

My acid test is what would you wish you had done on your death bed?

Education is so, so important, a good, stimulating career is also important for your husband. But, you sound thoroughly miserable desperately trying to keep everyone else happy. Surely your family needs a happy and fulfilled mum at the helm? My initial reaction was that if your husband was putting you through all this in London, then surely you can afford to go back to Norway more regularly. If you can't then, then why are you making these sacrifices living in London?

Eastpoint I have pmd you. Your post last night had me scratching my head as I had not noticed any offer of coffee from you, but I realized it was from a similar agony around Christmas time.

I did check out bean stalk and the link from dreamingbohemian, and I think I might be able to commit to some volunteering besides my studies and work, and that sounds really interesting.

I am wavering today though, thinking about the impact on my kids for another move. Maybe I will be happier thinking that a move home is on the horizon. I missed London and England terribly the years in Norway. But it is not a game where can just up and move countries every few years.

I have been posting from my phone, so have not pm'd Hesterton either, like I promised as I cant send messages from the phone.

I should have finished your thread before posting - well done OP - that sounds like a good decision .

I've pm'd you back.