I am trying very hard not to be homesick, and realistically know our life is here, but I am dreading going home in 2 days

[QuintessentiallyQS]

I know I will have a month at home, and feel bitter sweet sadness, yet happyness at being there, and sad that our lives cant be there.

Most of the time I am ok with how life is panning out for us in the UK, but every time I go home it is an emotional roller coaster.

I have friends and family. Plenty of people to see and meet up with. Friends to go out for meals with, visit, and people inviting us for dinner/drinks. My oldest son have plenty of good friends that want to meet up with him.

We go mountain trekking, bbq'ing on the beach, wild camping with our tents, etc. With friends.

Living there is not an option. Living there did not really work out as well as we hoped, for many reasons. Our boys are reasonably settled here. Ds1 starting Y8 in a good independent, and ds2 starting Y5 in Catholic primary.
DH has good job. I bumble along, doing an MBA at a uni back home through distance learning, and try to be happy. Try to exercise, and work part time.

I dont know what to do with my life. I feel unable to rejoin the work force properly full time, and now I just wonder if should just throw in the towel and become an eternal student of long distance courses just to keep my brain ticking over.

I feel so torn! It is like there is nothing for me, and I am a passenger in my own life, facilitating all the living and fulfillment from dh and dc.

Can you get a part time job? Become a tutor alongside your studies for extra money and stimulation but keeps he hours down?

It must suck when your heart is in two places like that though

Not sure what I can tutor though. Norwegian language is not really in demand. I work part time, but for our own business.

Are you studying Norwegian as well as being a native speaker then? Or can you tutor a subject around your studies (maths or history etc) if you're in a grammar school area 11+ tutors are extremely popular

What do you want to do with yourself?

Hi,

It sounds as if you are going through an identity crisis. You say that you work part-time for the family business. Do you work with many people? Do you get a chance to socialise with people even on that level? People that are not your family.

Have you given living here a real chance? Before I offend you, let me explain that I too am from abroad. I have lived here since the age of 5 though (now 40!). Until the age of 14 I really hankered for Spain. I missed my extended family so much. The two weeks we used to spend most summers there were just as you have explained. I used to convince myself that the fortnight would last forever and then literally cry all the way home when it was time to leave. And then I started to enjoy living here. ...

I also work with a lot of people from abroad. A few feel like you I think and yet would never envisage going back. I have no idea what your personal circumstances are, but if you have decided to live here, embrace it. There are good and bad things everywhere.

Do you have many friends? Do you think you might come across as a bit aloof? I ask because I see this with my friends. I feel that I can understands two cultures very well and see where there can be misunderstandings were there shouldn't be any.

Enjoy your time at home and whilst you are there, why don't you make a list of things you can do when you get back here.

Enjoy your life.

If I have offended you, I am sorry. The advice was really given in good faith.

Living overseas can be incredibly hard. I did it for four years, with long summers back in the UK, and I really missed home. It got easier by about the fourth year, because I'd started putting down real roots by then. How long have you lived here? It does take time - be kind to yourself in the meantime.

I think it's a good idea to wait and see if your still feeling like this when your holiday is over, I find the idea of the UK is much better than the reality, I love to see my friends and family but home for me is no longer in the UK. It must be difficult if you do feel like Norway is home but you have 3 other people's opinions to consider.

Do remember that whilst you are there that it's a holiday so you have lots of spare time and people will be making an extra effort to see you, a month is a really long time, what a fabulous opportunity to spend time in a wonderful part of the world.

Have a lovely holiday :)

I could have written your post. The only difference is I am only 400 miles from home. In fact, it has got worse since dd was born, because I feel she is missing out on spending time with her extended family. 16 years after moving away, I still find weekends and holidays (Christmas especially) really hard. Most people I know are from the area where we live and so weekend for lots of our friends are "family time" - it can be incredibly lonely.

I don't know what the answer is, but I understood exactly what you wrote.

It is a good idea to wait and see how I feel after the holidays.

Perhaps it is a "midlife crisis".

I know the holidays will be terrible this year, as mum only has a few months to live, and ds2s primary is aware that our stay could be prolonged. So, this could be clouding things somewhat.

I am Norwegian, Morethan, but studying for an MBA. I cant tutor anything, my BA and MA were Classics, and a far cry from what I have spent my working life doing, mostly related to digital advertising and search engine marketing. Aside from building a business from scratch, in rather unconventional ways - I feel unfit for the "corporate world" and dont know what to do next. I have outsourced my own job to the degree I am nearly redundant. Yet, I have no colleagues, and work from home. Study from home. Heck, I even get my hairdresser to come to my house!
I only get out to exercise at Bootcamp, twice a week! And the school run. My life is utterly boring.

So? WTF can I do to get out of the humdrum? I have been sat on linkedin most of the morning looking at ads, and there are lots of interesting stuff, much more junior to me, that I would love to do.

But, I feel a bit like I am a product, that will be sent back for a refund, with the label "not fit for purpose".

Here in Sweden it is quite popular for immigrants to pay for a tutor who then gives lessons over skype. You could possibly do that but for immigrants to Norway, it sounds like a huge step down the ladder compared to what you have previously done, but it might be enjoyable.

What a difficult time with your mum, I think it is no wonder you are feeling like this given the corcumstances.

I sincerely hope that things go as well as they can.

Be kind to yourself.

Would you consider doing a job like working in a coffee shop for example. Not for ever, but to get out of the house and talk to people? Sometimes it is not what you do, it's the people you work with. Volunteering might also be good.

Maybe try and think of a few things to look forward to when you are back. Join an evening class so that you are learning in company?

I really hope that you have a good month.

It sounds like you don't see many people day to day excerpt family which is tough.

I would have thought you could find opportunities to tutor classics or Norwegian. They may be a little niche compares to Maths but you could be really helpful to the right people.

Are there any Norwegian groups in London you could join to see more people.

It has taken me 2 & a half years since moving home to where I grew up to feel settled. I'd been living in England for half my life since going to uni.

Even though it's my home, I spent the first 18 months working from home continuing my half decent job. Luckily we can just about afford for me to work pt on min wage. Seeing other grown ups, particularly in a regular work context is so much nicer for me. just getting to share your opinions & have a bit of banal chitchat is cathartic. Hope you feel better after a trip to home x

A Norwegian family I used to work for joined the Norwegian Church in London. There is a big community there and you can meet others. Are you near London?

Not me but my mum was Norwegian and then married and lived abroad. I think she struggled a lot. ....Not helped by the fact that my dad worked long hours, and her "new language wasn't very good to start with.
She used to spend long summers in Norway, living with her parents, working the job she had studied for at uni, leaving kids to be looked after by grandparents. I know my dad wasn't happy for her to be away that much but she loved it....
I think she finally settled uh, maybe after 10 years. When we moved to a big house in the country site. Not quite like the mountains and forest behind her parents house, but better than the big city.
And after many more years friends and family passed away and she didn't have that longing anymore and her new home became the new"her adopted" country.

Well, I have been here just over a week.

The kids have gone to "Adventure camp" (I sent them north to join the Brotherhood on the Wall - Game of Thrones speak ) for a spot of hiking and fishing with kids their age.

I have met up with friends and family. Did some fabulous mountain hikes the last few days. Went out for a meal with one group of friends on Friday, and another on Saturday. On yesterdays hike I even bumped into another friend with her husband and two kids. We were all going up to a a peak at 800 m above sea level.

Today I stood in the middle of nowhere with mountains for miles and miles, and felt the wind blow gently on my face, and I could smell heathers, cloudberries and wild arctic orchids.

Despite being off the beaten track, I met a group of Lithuanians, a Finish couple, and two American young men!

On thursday a group of us are taking tents to camp on a nearby sandy beach. Dh joins us, and we are going inland for him to join a 75k cross mountain off road biking race, then we are walking 6 km up a gorgeous valley to pitch our tent by a glacier.

I can have this full time. I cant believe that I live in London, so far away from this.

Ds1 asked "Mum, can me and you and ds2 come here to live, dad can just stay in London, cant he, and visit now and then?"

I so wish we could find work here.

I am too old for the life we lead in London which is only work, chores, school, and no real spare time at all. I know this is holidays, but when we lived here, this is what life was life. DH said "There is more to life than hiking and mountains". Actually, yes there is, but I dont want a hectic London life with no spare time. I prefer the mountains to work work work.

I remember your threads from a couple of years ago when you were so unhappy and desperate to move to the UK. Is the problem you rather than the location? Sorry to be blunt just trying to understand what the real issue is.

I think moving back to the UK could have been a mistake. We did not give it long enough for dh and the kids to settle. We did not tie up enough lose ends in the UK. We kept the house, but tenanted. We kept running our UK business, but from Norway, which caused insurmountable problems. Especially from a tax perspective But also because our tenants trashed our house, and I had to fix that.

In addition, I took my mothers deterioration badly, and having to bring her in for sectioning and leaving her behind at the psychiatric hospital on a Friday night was absolutely terrible. She did not understand. Who would not be unhappy under such circumstances? I thought returning to the UK would solve all our problems, but it didnt.

Quint - if I'm understanding you correctly, you're feeling homesick for Norway before you've left to return to the UK, is that right?
If so, I can totally sympathise - I did that last time I was back in the UK at Easter. My life is in Australia now, has been for 5 years, but oh GOD I miss the UK and I really feel it when I'm on the last few days before returning to Australia.

I think possibly what is really getting to you just now is your Mum's condition - and the possibility that this is the last time Norway will be as it is now for you. Maybe next time, she won't be there any more - maybe next time, you will be going to say your last good byes. Either way things will be different.

How hard would it realistically be for you to stay in Norway? YOu say it doesn't work because of the lack of work - but is there any chance your DH can maybe continue to work in the UK and come over every week/fortnight/other appropriate interval? Could the boys transfer easily to local schools?

Perhaps it would help you to sit down and write a bunch of lists - How we could stay in Norway, Pros and Cons of Norway vs London etc.

I feel for you, I really do. I'm going to be just as bad when my Dad gets ill. :(

Thanks Thumbwitch, so many things to think through.

Yes, I suppose I could write a list..

The boys could change schools, not sure it would be easy, as yo-yo-ing back between schools systems is not really great.

DS2 is doing very well in Y4, going into Y5. But he is only 9, and they start school in Norway when they are six. So he would enter Norwegian Y4, and Norwegian school system is already far behind the British. When DS1 was in Y3, they were still just doing basic addition and subtraction.

DS1 is doing well in Y7 in a London independent, he is going into Y8. His age means he would be back in primary school, for the final year. We might be able to get him moved direct to secondary, starting first year. But he would not have friends in secondary, as his friends are his own age group. He might want to stay with his age group, and be bored stiff.

We really have made a mess of everything.

Here's an idea - although it might not work for you given their behaviour that prompted them going to camp! - would you consider homeschooling them using the UK syllabus? Until they reach an appropriate point where they'd be on a par with their age group?

erm, no I could not do that. Ds1 is way beyond me, I dont understand his maths at all, and he is way beyond the Norwegian system, so I would have to make him regress to meet his peergroup here.

:(

Do you have to live in London? Scotland has the lifestyle you talk about, and cities too. I can walk from my house into the centre of Edinburgh in 30minutes and I can also ride my mountain bike off-road up into the hills in 30minutes to where I can't see any buildings at all.
We camp and hike and mostly mountain bike every week.
The Scottish school system is different to the English one but I doubt you'd find the move from London to Edinburgh or Glasgow such a big upheaval.

The Norwegian system does not really catch up until year 10/11, when they suddenly start going through everything high speed. Everything is pretty relaxed until then.

Sure, they will end up with an adequate education here, and will access a good uni which is free, but compared to the education he receives in the uk, is perhaps a bit mediocre. (Sorry Norway. )

Oh and I don't know where in Norway you're from but it's quick and cheap to fly to stavangar from here.