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Original poster

Partner wants me to leave family house and find a room

157 replies

NomdePlumage · 20/07/2014 13:40

I currently am primary carer and do about 90% of childcare. I am happy to leave if that's what he wants me to do to give him space (I said I didn't think relationship was working and we should formally end it- been living separate lives for few years).

Will I legally put myself at risk with regards to access to children if I sleep in another house.

I will carry on providing childcare just go home to my own place in the evenings.

Is there anyway to access telephone legal advice at the weekend?

OP posts:
Offred · 20/07/2014 20:57

You'll be classed as a single adult living alone.

sanfairyanne · 20/07/2014 20:59

bet he goes to court a few months down.the line

titchy · 20/07/2014 21:00

Hang - you've offered to babysit your own kids and PAY HIM LESS TO COMPENSATE? Why would you be paying him?

OliviaBenson · 20/07/2014 21:00

Op I feel really sad for you- your posts are really worrying- you seem to be considering it. Do not move out- it will be extremely distressing for your children to leave and then come back everyday. Why are you so resigned to the fact that you are leaving? If you do, I'm afraid that you wont be classed as their primary carer. You need to leave the guilt behind and stop and think about the consequences of this.

Offred · 20/07/2014 21:01

Sorry if he plans on you remaining the primary carer you should stay in the house now you have separated. If he wants you to move out he has to take over as primary carer.

Anniegetyourgun · 20/07/2014 21:02

Because that's what non-resident parents do - pay maintenance to the resident parent to help keep a roof over the children's heads. It's fair enough as a general principle, but there are a few circumstances where it's WRONG WRONG WRONG and I rather think this may be one of those situations.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 20/07/2014 21:07

If u give a shit about
Your kids then don't move out !!!

mindyourown1 · 20/07/2014 21:09

you won't be able to claim tax credits for the children if you move out.

Offred · 20/07/2014 21:12

I really think you should not even consider moving out op unless what you'd prefer is the NRP role - which would be a fine choice, you'd probably be better off financially but you should not be doing school runs etc. if he wants that he needs to sell the house and split the equity to provide two houses you can both accommodate the children in or he needs to leave and allow you to stay in the house (finances allowing).

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 20/07/2014 21:13

You won't get squat in tax credits if you leave the kids with him. You will be living in poverty, trying to pay the rent on a crap bedsit from your part time wages, possibly having to hand over a % to him in maintenance! whilst also doing school runs, bedtimes, holiday care and all the rest of being a parent. But with no status, no income and no hope.

TurboWithAKick · 20/07/2014 21:16

Op stated way way back up thread that he had offered to be a SAHD whilst she went full time instead

TurboWithAKick · 20/07/2014 21:17

Op.... You seem determined to move out... I asked earlier, is there more to this??

Iggly · 20/07/2014 21:18

You sound really detached. I mean honestly you'd leave your own children.

Fucking hell.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/07/2014 21:20

Op do not move out. Just don't. Don't move out till you've taken legal advice. Why the fuck should you on his say so? Who made him king of the fucking world and rewriter of laws. Just stay out and check out hire options. Don't make him bully you.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/07/2014 21:22

Turbo do you honestly think the OP's DH will give up his career tomorrow morning to be a sahd? If he doesn't, who will look after the kids tomorrow morning. It's an empty thread to scare the op. You know that and I know that so yir scaremongering and goading is really not helpful

Offred · 20/07/2014 21:22

She stated just now that he is wanting her to come and do the school runs everyday though, how is that being a SAHD and how is he going to pay the mortgage if he gives up work?

Offred · 20/07/2014 21:23

You know the mortgage on 'his' house that he is insisting in staying in.

FuckTheMagicDragon · 20/07/2014 21:24

Nom, what happens after you move out and he gets a new partner and moves them in? He will most probably then get them to do all the school runs and child care while he works. He and his new partner won't want you coming around to the house they now call their home. You will then be left with no home, in a rented room, and limited access to the children.

You are the childrens main carer. Continuity of that is more important than continuity of living in the same house. Don't let your guilt re ending the relationship trip you up into losing all rights to the financial equity in the house that you are entitled to. Or to the rights of your children to have continuity of care.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/07/2014 21:27

He has no fucking intention of being a proper SAHD.

He believes that being a sahd means they sleep in "his" house. He doesn't have to feed them, bathe them, dress them or take them to school etc. They just sleep at an address that he legally owns. That's his version of sahd.

It's all a ruse to scare the op.

Don't fall for it op xx

TurboWithAKick · 20/07/2014 21:30

Lol at 'scaremongering'... Read the thread, it's what he wanted, he wanted to try that so they could all stay together.

But no. Op WANTS her own place.

Wonder why?

lettertoherms · 20/07/2014 21:31

OP, I have to ask a tough question, as you haven't outright said so - if you stay in the house, do you feel you have to put up with him raping you? You have mentioned that you do not wish to have an intimate relationship but that he couldn't have a platonic one and that you'd have to "lay back and think of England".

Please, please call women's aid for advice, especially if he is sexually abusing you. It may mean taking the children with you into shelter or having him removed from the home. They will help you make a plan.

FreeSpirit89 · 20/07/2014 21:34

Stay, and seek independent legal advice!! Do not leave without your children, you will regret it. Because he then becomes there primary care giver and you will have to fight tooth and nail to have your children live with you.

Best of luck op. Keep your head held high.

Offred · 20/07/2014 21:34

You RTFT turbo. You are making things up. In the op she says I will carry on providing childcare just go home to my own place in the evenings.

He is not planning on being a SAHD. He is not interested in the children's needs (at least not more interested than in his own ego) and he has been using the children to threaten her into a relationship for more than a year. She has to be careful what she says and how she says it to him.

Don't you think that that is perhaps why she's considering going? Because he is a big powerful bully who has led a sustained campaign against her.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/07/2014 21:35

Gosh turbo you have a very vivid imagination

TurboWithAKick · 20/07/2014 21:40

Vivid imagination? How? Op posted that herself

Vivid imagination might be going from op stating He is a good man and has never been abusive to do you feel you have to put up with him raping you? from another poster