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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 77

999 replies

neiljames77 · 20/07/2014 03:26

Just got in from my holiday and saw that 76 was full. Smile

OP posts:
Jarlin · 23/07/2014 16:07

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FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:08

No, I know. But I can't ask him that on email and I don't like talking on the phone.

We've tried, but his accent is really strong and English isn't his first language so we don't really understand each other on the phone Blush

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:11

I think he was possibly a bit overwhelmed at the idea of a children's party...

It's a tough one, Jarlin. If you're anything like me, you won't want to let it go until you've squeezed every last possiblity out of it, just to make sure it's the right thing to do... but, at the same time, you didn't come to this decision lightly.

After all, when is he proposing you meet? In 4 weeks time? Or is he going to find time now you've back him into a corner...?

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:12

Seriously?! Do these men have ANY idea how much overthinking we do?!!!

I doubt it!

Bant · 23/07/2014 16:12

Some of us do :)

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:12

backed him..

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:16

Some of them are forced to wade through it on here, I suppose... Blush

ChickOnaMission · 23/07/2014 16:17

jarlin TELL me about it! I really think that most of the time they're just blissfully ignorant of how we obsess over stuff.... I do it myself constantly.

I WISH I didn't... I can see that I need to just stop wasting time thinking about this particular man, and I just know there is no way he's sat there overthinking stuff to do with me... but here I am, wondering if he likes me/is he going to text me today/ shall I text him first/but what is he thinks I'm needy....

And folk I bet that is what is happeneing here, he'll be sat blissfully ignorant that you're so upset, thinking ah yes, I'll reply to folk in a bit when I've thought of something to say. Also you say English is not his first language, well that's GOT to have something to do with the slow communication and not repkying immediately surely?

ChickOnaMission · 23/07/2014 16:19

only because you're on here bant! It must be a great insight into the weird and wonderful minds of ladies :-)

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:21

Nah, not the slow communication.

I forgive him the unusual turns of phrase or the use of incorrect/inappropriate choice of synonym that from anyone else would be a bit Hmm

But slow. No.

ChickOnaMission · 23/07/2014 16:24

I hope he replies soon folk I'm leaving work now, I'll check back in later with a --bottle- glass of wine :-) x

Jarlin · 23/07/2014 16:24

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FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:25

Actually, I wonder if he's met someone else...

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:25

Like properly. In real life.

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:27

I've just texted him to ask if everything's ok because I haven't really heard from him the past few days.

He replied to say he was wondering the same...

Jarlin · 23/07/2014 16:30

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Jarlin · 23/07/2014 16:32

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FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:35

Don't know, yet... Will wait to see if he says anything else.

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:41

Jarlin could you phone or skype him? I know it's not the same as being in the same room, but I wonder if skype is a viable alternative?

It's funny isn't it (no, it's not) but years ago I would have really wanted someone to 'change'. Now I don't. I wouldn't want anyone to change for me at all. If they're not interested or compatible, then I'd rather just know.

See, i told him again why I'd not been in touch (busy at work/migraine/1st day of school holidays) and asked him what his excuse was ;-). Nothing.

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:42

I know, I know, he's at work and he has work to do... but still...!

lottieandmia · 23/07/2014 16:46

In light of what you've said now, is it not possible that when he talked about having a mature relationship with you, what he meant was that he had learned from his previous mistakes of being insecure with his other girlfriends? Rather than that he feels less insecure with you because you're less attractive.

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:48

Started the 5:2 WOE again today.

Had slacked off a bit but lost 2 stones when I did it a couple of years ago and liked how good I felt doing it.

Perhaps I'll feel better if I can shift that extra stone I'm lugging around with me...

Bant · 23/07/2014 16:51

I can't remember what my situation was when I updated last, Jarlin - I was seeing someone over in Eastern Europe where I spend most of my time, she was young but funny and smart. She broke things off for not-quite-understood-reasons. For some reason she felt guilty about fancying me. I can't work out her psychology at all. Still, onwards and upwards.

Had a few dates which were chemistry-free. One or two where I fancied them but they didn't fancy me back. One where I dumped a woman for cancelling at the last minute because she didn't have enough time to get ready for the date she'd just brought forward from the following day. She'd have been incredibly high maintenance, and who needs that?

Had a first date at the weekend with a woman a couple of years older than me, fairly attractive, interesting and funny, but she's a fairly dedicated christian and I'm a fairly dedicated atheist, so I'm not sure how that might work out. I'm not sure how much I fancied her, she might just be a friend I can debate life with. I asked her for a second date anyway, to see if chemistry kicked in - she said yes so we're on for this weekend. .

Generally I don't ask for a second date unless I fancy them. In this case I'll see if I start to do so. I just won't talk about the ickle baby jesus and how modern christianity is just a cynical construct of pagan, mithran and other religions to impose and reinforce a social stratum to enforce the repression of the masses. On the first date we talked about quantum mechanics and whether ants get a sugar rush, and how to make the perfect cup of tea.

On the subject of overthinking, though, I'm guilty of it myself. The majority of my friends are women and I'm usually a sounding board for their angst, so I'm quite used to it. It's nice to see it's women in general who do it though, not just the friends I gravitate towards.

FolkGirl · 23/07/2014 16:54

It could mean either, lottie really, I suppose.

MustTryDating · 23/07/2014 17:31

Long time lurker here ..

Plucking up courage for OLD.

FolkGirl, given what I seen you say about him over time it seems to me that a really honest chat with him would be a good idea where you say exactly what you are feeling. I hope that would let you know one way or the other what to do. Of course, if he's not telling the truth then he may not come clean but I still think that the chat would help somehow.