Dating thread 77

[neiljames77]

Just got in from my holiday and saw that 76 was full.

Don't go all the way till you are sure of his intentions then single. If I'm that attracted to a man (rarely happens) then sex makes me fall may in love with them.

Exactly Folk! It's sad but we have to stay strong. Wish I'd been able to take my own advice at the time

You see this is my problem. If you don't want to fall for someone then you should not be seeing them too regularly and you certainly should not be spending hours on the phone.

In my case I don't understand why someone would say they don't want a relationship when they do - surely nobody actually does this. I would not say that I never want a relationship ever again but right now I don't.

Single I'm the same as Don't I fall much faster once sex is part of the mix...I assume it's some primal biology I don't seem to be able to override

single see him again but go somewhere public and have some sort of 'get out clause' so you have to go home e.g. babysitter needs to go, up early in the morning etc.

Men enjoy the chase, once they've got you (some of them)...lose interest! In the meantime you can be your lovely, funny, beautiful self and he'll start wishing he could see more of you!

I'm going to a Meetup event tonight in town, 23 of us are meeting at the pub! Can't decide whether to get a taxi or not so I can have a drink! I'm leaving my 2 DC home alone (eldest is nearly 15)! It is Friday night after all, and its only 5 mins by taxi!!

Thanks everyone for the advice. I think I will avoid sleeping with him for the time being until I better know his intentions. Problem is, by doing what I did, I've firmly put sex on the menu when I should have let him chase me longer. I'm trying to play the messaging cool so that there's still an element of chase in there. I've no intention of letting him no my intentions just yet .

I don't agree with this letting them chase you business. Women should be able to be up front about what we want without playing silly games. Surely if someone likes you it should not matter at what point you have sex? Just my opinion.......

And I don't think making someone wait will make them see you as someone they want a relationship with if they did not to begin with.

Hope you're right lottie but I fear that's just not how the male brain works.

He's just asked me if I'm on the pill .

I think if that's their opinion then they will probably have other behaviours that make them bad relationship material and that you will find out later rather than sooner...

I so just want to play this by ear and accept that what will be will be but the fear has taken hold. I was so blasé before .

I don't like that he asked if you were on the pill, single

I'd want him to be planning exciting dates at this stage. I'm not getting a good vibe. But nothing wrong with seeing how it goes.

The last person I was in a relationship with, we dtd on date 2. But he never came across as only being interested in sex, I just knew he wasn't if that makes sense. I think you can tell. I agree that waiting won't make someone see you as relationship material, but what it will do is protect you from getting too hurt.

That is very true!

Is it best to go on as many dates as possible or is that too confusing?

Ok, feeling better now . He's just asked me what I really think of him and if I can see the potential for a relationship down the line. I'm guessing from his messages he was worried that I only wanted one thing after last night. So we've been thinking the same as each other. I've just been honest and said that I like him and the potential is there.

Glad you're feeling better singlesock xx

I can completely seperate sex from love and relationships. So I can see how men do, too.

The worst thing is, I think I might have a bit of a madonna/whore type thing going on.

The more deeply I care for someone, the less sexual I feel towards them. I'm not going to elaborate on the converse of that...

I really find it difficult to see sex as an expression of love. Really difficult.

Haha single that's great

Oh that sounds much better single.

My problem is that if I'm really attracted to someone then I will fall in love with them after sex. Also I cannot be sexually uninhibited with someone unless I have a strong connection with them/love/trust them. I have tried to do casual things with people I know I wouldn't want a relationship with, but the problem then is a) I'm not really attracted enough to really want to have sex with them and b) I am self conscious and inhibited because I don't feel a connection with them. I love my life as it is, but I do miss sex and I've come to realise that I can only have that in a relationship, as it does absolutely nothing for me otherwise.

I can separate too. But nobody is immune from falling for someone inappropriate for you if you spend too much time with them - it happened to me because I ignored the warning feelings of this man is not right for me.

Sometimes I wish I'd accepted my ex's offer of a FWB situation, as I was desperately in love with him and the sex was amazing. But that would have never allowed me to move on and if he'd met someone else it would have broken my heart all over again. So, here I am, looking for a relationship, even though I don't really want one all that much. Apart from one crucial thing

dont I feel exactly like that! You explained it so well. I can't let go sexually until I feel secure, the best sex I've had have been in loving relationships.

Sex with no connection just makes me feel empty and to be honest I'd rather not bother!

Yes exactly, louby. I find casual sex depressing and pointless. Though I kind of envy those who can do it, it'd make life easier in many ways.