Dating thread 77

[neiljames77]

Just got in from my holiday and saw that 76 was full.

Hissy I missed your stuff in my own torment but it sounds as though that could be worth another date...

You might well just wonder otherwise...

Folk love, don't apologise, you have had a truly shit time.

My last relationship (1yr) ended effectively when he answered my cheeky, jokey 'remind me again why you're with me' with "well, because it's convenient, it suit's me, i'm too lazy to do anything about it"

Having the wind knocked out of your sails like that is shit, as was what your ex did/said.

I liked this guy, I worry that there's a part of me that thinks he's a bit of a nob, I guess one more date gives us both the ability to be more relaxed. So. Sunday. Or monday if I move First Date 4 till after me holidays.

I'm scared. Attraction means vulnerability.

No-one else has connected with me, or even tried to like he did/has.

Folk how u feeling about everything?

Oh well I got well and truly kicked in face tonight (metaphorically speaking ) don't want to go into the ins and outs but he had told a roundabout truth (ie a lie) about his divorce which I found out tonight. This is after an amazing couple of days and he is just fab with my dcs and I'd told them he was like my bf not just my friend and told ex too! Now I feel like such a fucking fool. The long and short is I won't tolerate lies of any kind. Talked and talked it over for hours. I'm gonna go with my gut which says to give him one last chance. Which I absolutely mean. I don't want to get broken again.

Just read all the thread. Really please mr teacher sounds good don't.

Single I'm glad date went well.

Welcome Tis I think it was. This is a great thread

Folk I'm so sorry it has ended this way for you and glad you have made plans for the weekend. I think you are right you are two different people and he sounds very self self self.

I've woken up feeling bruised (again metaphorically) and sad. I'm not ready to give up on him yet. I honestly believe there is a future there. But I feel like a fool this morning. Like I let my guard down and allowed him in only to get hurt. Has he made a stupid mistake and realised it or is he really not a very nice man. How can you tell?

mini i suppose you have to weigh it all up. Was it a big lie? Was it intended to protect himself or deceive you? I think if it was intended to protect himself and isn't 'deceiving you' in the process, it could be forgiveable. If that makes sense. How big a deal was it? I think if you think it could be worth a second go, then you need to give it a chance, or you'll always wonder. How can you tell? I don't know!

Oh and thanks. The more I think about it, the more I think that we are just incompatible. I don't think I'm prepared to do all the travelling, not when he has told me it's "not worth" him travelling to me. The whole thing just isn't sustainable.

Neither of us actually said, "it's over" yesterday. But that's where I am and I'd imagine it's where he is too.

Wow, Hissy What was he expecting your response to that to be?! That's awful. No wonder you're scared

If you liked this guy, but aren't sure, then it's got to be worth a second to make sure.

When I was OD, I quite often saw someone for a second date to make sure... the second date was always the one where they sealed their own fate if I wasn't sure... Have fun and good luck.

The way I feel now, I don't think I'll be looking at OD again.

I don't have anything against it. It worked reasonably well for me last time - I had lots of dates from it and it definitely helped to boost my confidence a little.

I only did it because I wanted to see if anyone would ever be interested in me, or find me attractive ever again. They were and they did. My confidence was improved. I've been asked out by a couple of men IRL too as a result... but I'm not interested in a relationship now.

Or even in 'dating' really. I just want to be on my own now.

So glad I'm off work so that I can keep up with everyones news!

Welcome Tis it's great on here!

When messaging someone do you think it's appropriate to tell them that there messages would be easier to read if they put some punctuation into their sentence.

his first message said

hi there how are you to nite have you had a good day

and then each one was the same!! I know not everyone puts an emphasis on good grammar, punctuation and spelling but I do and I was so tempted to tell him, but then thought it may be a bit rude!

I'm glad I'm not the only one totally confused by this OD business. I don't want to find someone to have a full on relationship with for the reasons that others listed down thread of not wanting to live with people again.

The man I've met as I said I get on really well with and there is definitely a spark between us but some of the things he has been doing since I met him are making me uncomfortable. He apparently doesn't want a relationship either but seems to want me to prioritise my free time for him and wants me to go on weekends away with him. He phones me a lot as well and asks if I'm seeing anyone else. I know from past experiences that you can fall for anyone if you spend too much time with them. I feel that his approach is full on for someone I've met once. Can anyone shed any light on whether I should continue to see him or not as I feel a bit pressured. It's a shame because our date went really well.

There are a few others I've been talking to who I quite like as well. But I haven't met them yet. I have so little free time it's difficult working out who to meet.

louby I think that's appropriate... I know it's not important to everyone, but it's important to me too.

If I have to read a simple message several times and very slowly to work out what it says, then I'd be inclined to not bother again.

And if I didn't want to tell them, I'd just cease contact/communication with them.

Ah it's all so hard. It does make you wonder if it's worth it. I don't know. I don't feel a relationship is hugely important to me anymore.

louby I know what you mean about grammar. If that isn't right I just won't talk to them.

Date tonight with Mr Teacher and Blondy on match has asked me out too.

folk thanks, I may say that to him if he messages me again; if he doesn't like it it's tough I suppose. At least he may have learnt something lol

lottie it sounds to be like he does want a relationship! It's up to you how you want to proceed!

I agree, it's a nightmare straining to understand what someone's saying - it puts me off replying tbh.

One thing that makes me laugh is guys who post a fuzzy looking photo of themselves where they have a hat on or are miles away!

Yeah or a group shot???? Why?? And which are you?

Haha and worst of all are the ones where they are in the middle of a group of women. Do they really think this makes a good impression?

I asked a man who messaged me why he had put up a picture of himself which had evidence he obviously lived with a woman in the background. He tried to convince me the hair straighteners were his even though he had a grade 1. How stupid do they think we actually are??

I did chat for about 3 days to a man I could have quite fancied, physically. But his messages were all...

Hows u?

i bin workin 2day wot bout u

u want 2 cum 2 pub wiv me 2moz nite

Er... um... no.

Shame. According to his profile he was well educated and had a professional job. But really? Who's going to be interested in replying to that?!

Folkgirl it's true it's really off putting when someone just can't seem to string a sentence together.

Oh yes and the photo of them with a beautiful younger woman draped around them. What do they think that is saying, "I know beautiful women"?

Well good for you! Trying to make a woman feel insecure and jealous before you've ever even spoken to them, probably isn't the best start to anything!!

I'm currently having an email exchange...

It's not looking good

I can't see that there will be any resolution to this. He won't budge. Not that I'm asking him too. But he's not even suggesting a middle ground compromise.

Hi everyone.

Ok, I've been really stupid. I really like Mr Tall. Had a lovely time with him and it was the best date by far. I think due to a mixture of being tipsy and reassured by the fact that he told me he wants a relationship, I accepted his offer to come back to his to watch a DVD. I made it clear nothing else would be happening. Except I ended up 'doing stuff' (suddenly feels coy) with him.

Now I'm doing that irritating thing of over analysing everything in an attempt to work out if he is just after sex. Ironically, if that's all he wanted, I'd be happy to oblige but that knowledge would allow me to stop myself from falling for him. As it stands I really like him and I'm thinking about what could be. I can smell his aftershave in my hair and it's making me swoon .

The case:
In favour of he just wants sex:
It was a little too easy for him to get me to go back and I was practically offering myself on a plate. He did say it had been a while for him though (lie?).
I've reread his texts and some could be construed as having a sexual undertone that I hadn't previously noticed.
He's asked to do it again. When I queried 'it' or going out again he said both.
He's a man. And men lie about wanting a relationship in order to get laid.
His messages this morning have been sexual in nature but not overly so.
He asked me on a date very quickly despite saying he usually chats for a couple of weeks before meeting.

Wanting a relationship:
He specifically asked me about whether I wanted one too before we met as I have casual dating down on my profile.
He's asked me to go out again.
He appeared nervous about whether I'd like him.
He texts me regularly(ish)
He's only been on a few dates (so he says).

So what is the verdict? Ideally I need to prepare myself for both eventualities but it's difficult to stop yourself falling. And overanalysing. I just shouldn't have gone back to his then I wouldn't have had these doubts.

Additionally there are a couple of things he said that I was a bit about too but I do feel very attracted to him.

Oh single I don't know. Both are possible. Was he interested in getting to know you as a person? I don't think it sounds like you've been stupid at all and he wants to see you again!

Stay strong folk. You deserve someone who will compromise for you.

I didn't go all the way with him though so maybe it's just about getting that? I hate myself for not being cool about it. He was chatty and appeared interested in getting to know me but actually spoke more about himself although I did ask lots of questions. I guess I'll find out in the fullness of time. Any advice on how to stop myself falling in the meantime?

Couple of other things. He had apparently told other people about the date. But, he was commenting on fancying other women he saw on TV.

I think maybe he did want a relationship but has put me in the easy shag category because I went back to his.

single chat to other people in the meantime always worked for me...

dont I think that's the bottom line, isn't it? I am the prize, right?